英語(yǔ)幽默笑話（精選12篇）

　　在繁忙的學(xué)習(xí)工作中，適時(shí)讀一些幽默笑話，放松自己，勞逸結(jié)合十分重要。下面是小編為你整理的幾則英語(yǔ)幽默精彩段子，讓你笑到停不下來(lái)!

　　英語(yǔ)幽默笑話 1

　　An Absent Minded ProfessorA notoriously absentminded professor was one day observed walking along the street with one foot continually in the gutter，the other on the pavement. A pupil meeting him said： “Good evening，professor.How are you? “Well，” answered the professor，“I thought I was all right when I left home，but now I dont know whats the matter with me.Ive been limping for the last half hour.”

　　英語(yǔ)幽默笑話 2

　　The mothers of four priests got together and were discussing their sons. "My son is a monsignor," said the first proud woman. "When he enters a room, people say, Hello, Monsignor." The second mother went on, "My son is a bishop. When he enters a room, people say, Hello, Your Excellency."

　　"My son is a cardinal." continued the next one. "When he enters a room, people say, Hello, Your Eminence.

　　" The fourth mother thought for a moment. "My son is six-foot-ten and weighs 300 pounds, " she said. "When he enters a room, people say, Oh, my God!"

　　英語(yǔ)幽默笑話 3

　　A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."

　　英語(yǔ)幽默笑話 4

　　Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please?

　　Mom: Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two!

　　英語(yǔ)幽默笑話 5

　　A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.

　　Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."

　　The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change.

　　英語(yǔ)幽默笑話 6

　　When the bill arrives ,Mark, Chris ,Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20,even though its only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the women get their bill , out come the pocket calculators.

　　英語(yǔ)幽默笑話 7

　　Mary was so disgusted at her husbands cigarette smoking that she complained to him one day.‘I hope that all the cigarette factories will catch fire someday .’‘Dont worry ,dear. All the cigarettes will be on fire sooner or later .’He said with a smile.

　　英語(yǔ)幽默笑話 8

　　The year before my son turned 18, he constantly pleaded to be allowed to a have tattoo, but I refused to sign permission for one.He argued that soon he would be a man and he should be able to make adult decisions. Sure enough,a few days after his 18th birthday,he come home with a tattoo. Although l was not happy about this, I was curious to see what symbol of masculin, he had chosen. There, on his shoulder,was a two inch image of Mickey Mouse.

　　英語(yǔ)幽默笑話 9

　　He says: "God,what is a million dollars to you?"and God says: "A penny,then the man says: "God,what is a million years to you?”and God says: ¨a second", then the man says: “God,can I have a penny ?"and God says:"In a second."

　　英語(yǔ)幽默笑話 10

　　Are you using your mower this afternoon?

　　Mr. Johnson:Are you using your mower this afternoon?

　　Mr. Smith.Yes.

　　Mr. Johnson: Fine. Then can I borrow your tennis racket, since you wont be needing it ?

　　英語(yǔ)幽默笑話 11

　　A little girl was lost, so she went up to a policeman and said, "lve lost my moml" The cop said,"Whats she like?" The little girl replied,"Shopping and gossiping!”

　　英語(yǔ)幽默笑話 12

　　A bit of advice for those about to retire. lf you are only 65,never move to ansrUrement community. Everybody else is in their 71s, 80s,or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded,they yell,"Get the kid.

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