幽默笑話小故事20字
幽默笑話小故事20字一：
停止打你老婆
This story is told of a browbeating counsel，who habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponent's witnesses.
One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations.
“I want‘yes’or‘no，’”thundered counsel.“There is no need for you to argue the point!”
“But there are some questions which cannot be answered by‘yes’or‘no，’”mildly responded the witness.
“There are not!” snapped the lawyer.
“Oh，” said the witness，“answer this then：Have you ceased beating your wife?”
這個故事講的是一個咄咄逼人的辯護(hù)律師，他慣于盡量去恐嚇對方的證人。
有一個證人有點傾向于在回答問題之前做冗長的解釋。
“我要你回答‘是’或者‘不是’，”辯護(hù)律師怒喝道： “你沒有必要就這個問題進(jìn)行爭論。”
“可是有些問題無法用‘是’或者‘不是’來回答。”這位證人溫和地回敬他。
“不存在這樣的問題!”律師厲聲打斷他。
“噢，”證人說：“那么請你回答這個問題：你停止打你老婆了嗎?”
奇怪的關(guān)系
Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says "Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!
四個好朋友在醫(yī)院里碰面了,他們的妻子正在生產(chǎn).護(hù)士過來對第一個男人說:"恭喜,你得了雙胞胎."男人說:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼蘇達(dá)雙子隊的經(jīng)理."過了一會兒,護(hù)士過來對第二個男人說:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜歡:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,護(hù)士跑來對第三個男人說:"恭喜,你得了2對雙胞胎."男人很開心地說:"真令人啼笑皆非,我為四季賓館工作."他們?nèi)齻�都很高興,但第四個伙伴急得像熱鍋上的螞蟻,咒罵上帝并用頭撞墻.他們問他有什么不對勁,他回答道:"什么不對勁?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"
一分鐘一百萬
A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second."
一男子進(jìn)入教堂和上帝對話.他問:"主啊, 一百萬美元對你意味著多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又問:"那一百萬年呢?"上帝說:"一秒鐘."最后男子請求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士嗎?"上帝回答:"過一秒鐘."
媽媽在砸瓶子
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the bottle. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year-old daughter to answer the phone. The child said, "Mommy can't come to the phone right now. She's hitting the bottle."
一個婦人正在使勁打開番茄醬的瓶子。這時，電話鈴響了，她叫四歲的女兒去接電話。小孩說：“媽媽現(xiàn)在不能接電話，她在砸瓶子。”
The Nice Wedding Gift
We attended the wedding of an acquaintance's son. Because we did not know the young man or his bride, we decided to send them a practical household gift, a fire extinguisher. Apparently, the couple mass-produced their thank-you notes because we received a card saying: "Thank you very much for the nice wedding gift. We look forward to using it soon.
我們參加了一個熟人的兒子的婚禮。由于我們都不認(rèn)識那個年輕人和他的新娘，所以我們決定送給他們一個實用的全家禮----一個滅火器。很明顯，這對新人大批量制作了他們的感謝信，因為我們收到了一張卡片，上面寫著：“非常感謝您的漂亮的結(jié)婚禮物，我們期待著不久就用到它。”
The Use of a Handsaw
At the mall, my wife and I picked up some hardware items, including a handsaw. We were heading back to the car when we passed a steakhouse.
Let's try it. " my wife suggested. Although I felt a little foolish carrying the saw, I followed her inside.
Scanning the menu, my wife told the waitress, " I' 11 have chopped sirloin, please.
The waitress turned to me, eyed my saw and commented, "And I see that. you, sir, have come for our T-bone special.
在集市上，我和妻子買了一些五金用品，包括一個手鋸。我們返回汽車時剛好路過一家牛排店。 “我們嘗嘗吧，”我妻子建議說。盡管我覺得拿著鋸有點傻乎乎的，但還是隨她走了進(jìn)去。 我妻子掃視了一下菜單對女招待說：“請給我來一份炒牛腰片。” 女招待轉(zhuǎn)向我，看了看我的鋸，說道：“我能看出，先生，你是來吃我們的`T形骨特色菜的。”
A Woman's answer
A husband said to his wife, " Why did God create women to be beautiful but foolish?"
"Well," his wife answered at once." The reason is very simple. God made us beautiful so men would love us; God made us foolish so we would marry them."
一位丈夫?qū)λ钠拮诱f：“為什么上帝把婦女創(chuàng)造得如此美麗卻又愚蠢呢?” “噢，”他的妻子立刻回答道，“原因很簡單。上帝使我們?nèi)绱嗣利�，男人才會愛我們。上帝使我們�(nèi)绱擞薮�，我們才會嫁給他們。”
Only One Eye to Settle On
The girl found the go-between and said, "You cheated me ! One of his eyes is not true. Why didn't you tell me this before ?"
"I have told you. " said the go-between with justice on his side, When you met first, I told you that he settled on you with one eye.
姑娘找到媒人，說：“你欺騙了我。他的一只眼是假眼，你以前為什么不告訴我?” “怎么沒告訴你?”媒人也不甘示弱，“你們第一回見面后，我就說，他一眼就看中你了。”
幽默笑話小故事20字二：
還差一個就滿了
在機(jī)場接機(jī)，等人時候無聊就打開約炮軟件搜了一下，發(fā)現(xiàn)有一個人跟我距離0.00m。我興奮的加了他好友，打了個招呼：“回市里，30一位!走么?”
要捅你就捅吧
老公公和兒媳婦有染。一日，老公公要挑水，到處找水桶。兒媳婦此時正坐在水桶上吃飯。老公公見了，大聲喊：“兒媳，把你的屁股抬起來，我要桶!”兒媳聽了滿臉通紅，小聲說：“要捅你就捅吧，喊那么大聲干嘛，你怕鄰居們不知道嗎?”
飛機(jī)上，一對父女
飛機(jī)上，一對父女。父親30，女兒6到7歲。空姐非常漂亮，父親忍不住多看了她幾眼，女兒：“看什么看，你覺得有意思嗎?我媽一不在你怎么就象這樣?”,父親憋得臉通紅：“快吃東西，少廢話，要不然以后不帶你出來! ”女兒嘟囔：“都說女兒是父親上輩子的情人，我就不明白了，我上輩子就怎么看上了你?"
爸，我腰疼
小時候跟爸爸說：爸，我腰疼。爸老說：小孩子哪有腰。19歲那年：爸，我腰疼。爸意味深長得對我說：孩子，你還年輕，省著點。
這夢想太邪惡了
被女友踹掉前，我含著淚問女友：和我在一起的這些年你有什么遺憾，我們不要分手好嗎?我會用余生來補償你。女友沉吟良久，輕啟朱唇：最粗的夢想，緊握在手上。
多好的小伙子呀
晚上在二樓陽臺抽煙，樓下一情侶在聊天，女的說：“你安心考研，我上班掙錢支持你。”男的說：“你要注意安全，千萬不要懷上。”我心想，這小伙子人真不錯!
你被騙了吧
一對日本夫妻在吵架。丈夫說：“斯氣噠記!”妻子說：“闊挖泥泥!”丈夫說：“托卡啊安吉，樓底牢烏密牙闊喔!”妻子這時都已經(jīng)跪了下來苦苦哀求：“米米納闊烏滴，達(dá)來廳闊烏雞!”丈夫怒喝：“奇拿聽闊烏雞!”而你呢，就這么傻坐在電腦前一路讀到現(xiàn)在好像你真的懂日語似的。
MM你叫我情何以堪
高中時，和同班一個mm踢球玩，我說：“我守們可厲害，外號銅墻!!”mm說：“切~~~ 我外號剛門!!我讓你隨便射，你也射不進(jìn)來!!”說完我暴笑，mm一路打我。
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