最新美國(guó)晚間脫口秀笑話
"Bill Clinton revealed that he now supports same-sex marriage, even though he opposed it during his presidency. To be fair, during his presidency, he also opposed his own marriage." --Jimmy Fallon
比爾·克林頓透露說(shuō)雖然他在總統(tǒng)任期內(nèi)反對(duì)同性婚姻,現(xiàn)在他支持了。咱們公平點(diǎn)說(shuō),在他的任期內(nèi),他連自己的婚姻都反對(duì)的。——吉米·法倫
"President Obama's teleprompter fell to the ground and shattered yesterday during a speech on the economy. Wow, even speeches about the economy are crashing." --Jimmy Fallon
奧巴馬總統(tǒng)的提詞機(jī)昨天在一場(chǎng)關(guān)于經(jīng)濟(jì)的演講中掉到了地上摔碎了。哇哦,連關(guān)于經(jīng)濟(jì)的演說(shuō)都能崩潰。——吉米·法倫
"President Obama is going to be working in the broadcast booth during the All-Star Game. Everybody says, 'Oh, that's cute.' But let me tell you something. You know the economy is bad when the President has to take a second gig." --David Letterman
奧巴馬總統(tǒng)在全明星賽中會(huì)參與直播間的工作。每個(gè)人都說(shuō),“哦,那太好了。”我跟你們說(shuō),看看現(xiàn)在經(jīng)濟(jì)都?jí)牡娇偨y(tǒng)都得找份兼職了。——大衛(wèi)·萊特曼
"As I watched the press conference, I realized finally we have a candidate for the people who loved George Bush's certainty but were bothered by his rationality and executive experience." --Jon Stewart, on Sarah Palin's resignation (Watch video clip)
我看著記者招待會(huì),我意識(shí)到對(duì)那些既愛(ài)著喬治·布什的篤定,又被他的`合理性和執(zhí)政經(jīng)驗(yàn)所困擾的人來(lái)說(shuō),終于有一個(gè)候選人了。——喬·斯圖爾特評(píng)論莎拉·佩林的辭職
"South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford is trying to bounce back from his sex scandal. Sanford has cleared his schedule this week to take a personal trip with his wife. Isn't that nice? Sanford said he wanted to go somewhere exotic and romantic, but he's going to get this trip with his wife out of the way first." --Conan O'Brien
南卡羅來(lái)納州州長(zhǎng)馬克·桑福德正在試圖從性丑聞中挽救自己。桑福德本周推掉了其他安排,和他的妻子來(lái)了個(gè)私人旅行。這不是很好嘛?桑福德說(shuō)他想去個(gè)有情調(diào)的浪漫的地兒,不過(guò)他首先要做的是帶著他妻子去偏僻的地兒。——柯南·奧布萊恩
"How about that Harry Potter movie? Opened today as a matter of fact. In this one, Harry goes up against Dick Cheney and his secret CIA hit squad." --David Letterman
《哈利·波特》這電影怎么樣?這電影今天開(kāi)始公映了。在這部片子里,哈利和迪克·切尼以及他秘密的中情局暗殺隊(duì)。——大衛(wèi)·萊特曼
"So now it turns out that Dick Cheney, while he was Vice President, had a private deal going with the CIA And he goes to the CIA -- and those guys are pretty good at keeping a secret -- and he goes to the CIA, and he says, 'Boys, this will just be between you and me. We're going to run our own antiterrorism program. You and me. Don't tell Congress.' Eight years this was going on. And when I heard this, I said to myself, 'Gosh, that doesn't sound like the Dick Cheney I know.'" --David Letterman
現(xiàn)在看來(lái)是迪克·切尼,在當(dāng)副總統(tǒng)的時(shí)候,和CIA有個(gè)私下交易。他走到中情局——這些家伙最擅長(zhǎng)保密——他走到中情局,然后說(shuō),孩子們,這些事情只有咱們知道,咱們要開(kāi)始反恐計(jì)劃了,就咱們。別跟國(guó)會(huì)說(shuō)啊。這件事進(jìn)行了八年。當(dāng)我聽(tīng)說(shuō)這個(gè)時(shí)候,我跟我自己說(shuō),“老天,這可不像我知道的迪克·切尼。”——大衛(wèi)·萊特曼
"They tried to get a hold of Cheney for comment, but his staff said, 'No, no, you can't talk to Cheney. He's taking a hike on the Appalachian Trail.'" --David Letterman
他們?cè)噲D讓迪克·切尼做出回應(yīng),但是他的工作人員說(shuō),“不行不行,你不能和切尼說(shuō)話,他現(xiàn)在在阿巴那切亞山道遠(yuǎn)足哪。”——大衛(wèi)·萊特曼
提示:阿巴那切亞山是當(dāng)初桑福德失蹤的時(shí)候他手下的人對(duì)外宣稱(chēng)他去的地方。
"Very secret operation, went on for eight years. Nobody knew anything about it. The only thing they knew was that it was called 'Operation Hunting Accident.'" --David Letterman
真是太秘密的行動(dòng)了,八年啊。沒(méi)有人知道這件事,他們知道的唯一一件事是這個(gè)計(jì)劃叫做“打獵事故行動(dòng)”。——大衛(wèi)·萊特曼
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