英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)大全爆笑短的
笑話(huà)指能引人發(fā)笑的談話(huà)或故事,篇幅短小,故事情節(jié)簡(jiǎn)單而巧妙,往往出人意料,取得令人捧腹的藝術(shù)效果;笑話(huà)大多揭示生活中荒謬的現(xiàn)象,具有諷刺性和娛樂(lè)性。小編精心收集了英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)大全爆笑，供大家欣賞學(xué)習(xí)!
英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)大全爆笑短的[1]
A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out inthe Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"
一份報(bào)紙組織了一場(chǎng)競(jìng)賽，為下面的問(wèn)題征集最佳答案：“如果盧浮宮起了火，而你只能救出一幅畫(huà)，你將救出哪一幅?”
The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."
獲獎(jiǎng)的答案是：“最接近門(mén)口的那一幅�！�
英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)大全爆笑短的[2]
He is really somebody!
" My uncle has 1000 men under him."
"He is really somebody. What does he do?"
"A maintenance man in a cemetery. "
他真是一個(gè)大人物!
“我叔叔下面有1000個(gè)人�！�
“他真是一個(gè)大人物。干什么的?”
“墓地守墓人�！�
英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)大全爆笑短的[3]
A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention,passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the threewe have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a result."
Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We justlost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive inLondon three hours late."
At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose anotherengine, we'll be up here all night!"
一架747客機(jī)正在跨越大西洋時(shí)，喇叭里傳來(lái)了機(jī)長(zhǎng)的聲音：“旅客們請(qǐng)注意，我們的四個(gè)引擎中有一個(gè)丟失了。但剩下的三個(gè)引擎會(huì)把我們帶到倫敦的。只是我們要因此晚到一小時(shí) 。”
過(guò)了一會(huì)兒，旅客們又聽(tīng)到機(jī)長(zhǎng)的聲音：“各位，你們猜怎么啦 ?我們剛又掉了第三個(gè)引擎。但請(qǐng)你們相信好了。只有一個(gè)引擎我們也能飛，但要晚三個(gè)小時(shí)了�！�
正在這時(shí)，一位乘客非常氣憤地說(shuō)：“看在上帝的份上，如果我們?cè)俚粢粋�(gè)引擎，我們就要整夜都要呆在天上了�！�
英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)大全爆笑短的[4]
款待Treat
As a rookie in the Atlantic City, N.J., Police department, I was assigned a beat on the boardwalk. Hardly a day went by when I didn't come upon a child who had become separated from his parents.
One afternoon, I spotted a small boy standing alone, obviously lost. I tried to gain his confidence - I took him to the nearest ice-cream stand and bought him a cone. Time passed with no sign of the boy's parents, so the next step was to call for a patrol car to take him to headquarters. I told the small fry to stay put while I went to the call box. When I returned, he was nowhere in sight.
Within minutes, the car arrived, and one of the patrolmen asked me where the child was. I felt stupid; it's humiliating to say you've lost a lost child. But I told the officers what had happened and gave a description of the boy. "What did you treat him?" asked one of the men.
"An ice-cream cone. Why?"
"Because," answered the officer, "that kid lives only a few blocks from here, and you've about the fifth rookie he's conned for a treat!"
我是新澤西州大西洋城警察局的一名新警察。我被指派巡邏一條海濱的路線(xiàn)，幾乎每天都能碰上與父母走散的孩子。
一天下午，我發(fā)現(xiàn)一個(gè)小孩獨(dú)自站在那里，顯然是迷了路。我先是設(shè)法取得他的信任－我?guī)礁浇谋苛軘偨o他買(mǎi)了一個(gè)蛋筒。過(guò)了很長(zhǎng)時(shí)間，也沒(méi)看見(jiàn)他父母的影子，所以我就準(zhǔn)備打電話(huà)叫輛巡邏車(chē)將他送回總部去。我告訴他站在那里別動(dòng)，我去電話(huà)亭打電話(huà)。當(dāng)我回來(lái)時(shí)，卻發(fā)現(xiàn)他不知道到哪兒去了。
警車(chē)很快來(lái)了。一名警察問(wèn)我小孩在哪里。我感覺(jué)自己傻極了，說(shuō)自己弄丟了一個(gè)迷路的小孩，該多丟人�。〉疫�是告訴了警察們所發(fā)生的一切，并描述了一下小孩的長(zhǎng)相�！澳阏�(qǐng)他吃了什么？”一名警察問(wèn)。
“一個(gè)冰淇淋蛋筒。怎么啦？”
“因?yàn)椋蹦敲煺f(shuō)，“那個(gè)小孩住的地方離這兒只隔幾個(gè)街區(qū)。而你大概是新警察中幫他買(mǎi)東西吃的第五個(gè)傻瓜蛋！”
英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)大全爆笑短的[5]
Speeding 超速
Traveling salesmen make their living visiting as many customers as possible. So speeding to get from one appointment to the next is not unheard-of. Which is how I got pulled over by a highway patrolman. "Don't you ever look at the speedometer?" the officer scolded. Before I knew it, the truth spilled from my mouth. "As fast as I was going," I admitted, "I was afraid to take my eyes off the road."
因?yàn)槁眯型其N(xiāo)員為了謀生需要拜訪(fǎng)盡量多的客戶(hù)，所以超速飛車(chē)趕場(chǎng)對(duì)于他們來(lái)說(shuō)也不是沒(méi)有過(guò)的事情。有一次我就因?yàn)槌俣刃旭偙灰粋�(gè)公路巡警攔了下來(lái)�！澳阌袥](méi)有看過(guò)你的時(shí)速表？”那名警官責(zé)問(wèn)。當(dāng)我的回答一出口，我立刻后悔了，但已經(jīng)太晚了�！败�(chē)開(kāi)得越來(lái)越快”，我如實(shí)地說(shuō)，“我的眼睛得一直盯著前面，沒(méi)敢看別的”。
英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)大全爆笑短的[6]
Three Men in a Boat
Three men were sitting on a park bench. The one in the middle was reading a newspaper; the others were pretending to fish. They baited imaginary hooks, cast lines and reeled in their catch. A passing policeman stopped to watch the spectacle and asked the man in the middle if he knew the other two. "Oh yes, " he said. "They are my friends. "In that case, " warned the officer, "you'd better get them out of here!" "Yes, sir, " the man replied, and he began rowing furiously.
三人同舟 三位男子在公園的長(zhǎng)椅上坐著。中間的一個(gè)在讀報(bào)紙，另外兩個(gè)在假裝釣魚(yú)。他們給想象的魚(yú)鉤上魚(yú)餌，放線(xiàn)，并卷線(xiàn)把魚(yú)抓上來(lái)。 一位過(guò)路警察駐足觀察了這個(gè)景象，他問(wèn)中間的那個(gè)男子是否認(rèn)識(shí)其他兩位。 “喔，認(rèn)識(shí)，”他說(shuō)，“他們是我的朋友。” “那樣的話(huà)，”警察告誡說(shuō)，“你最好把他們從這里弄走。” “好的.，警官�！蹦悄凶踊卮鹫f(shuō)，接著就開(kāi)始瘋狂般地做起劃槳的動(dòng)作來(lái)。
英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)大全爆笑短的[7]
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions.
Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個(gè)孩子正處于那種對(duì)什么事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問(wèn)題。他向父親發(fā)問(wèn)道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父親回答說(shuō)，“你瞧那兒站著兩個(gè)警察。如果我把他們看成了四個(gè)，那么我就算醉了�！�
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
“可是，爸爸，”孩子說(shuō)，“那兒只有一個(gè)警察呀！”
英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)大全爆笑短的[8]
compliment
"larry! come here!" said his furious mother, putting the telephone down, " i”ve just had a call from mrs. harrison about your behavior to her doris at the school dance last night. you wretched, rude boy!"
"i was nice to her, mum, really i was!" protested the youth.
"i even paid her a compliment when we had a dance."
"did you, indeed?" said his mother grimly, "and what exactly did you say?"
"i said, gosh, doris, you sweat less than any fat girl i”ve ever danced with!"
恭維話(huà)
"拉里，你過(guò)來(lái)!"媽媽放下電話(huà)后生氣地說(shuō)，"我剛才接到哈里森夫人地電話(huà)，她告訴我你在昨晚的學(xué)校舞會(huì)上對(duì)多麗絲行為不好，你可恥，粗魯!"
"媽媽?zhuān)覍?duì)她很好，真的!"小伙子不服氣地說(shuō)。"當(dāng)我和她跳舞時(shí)我還說(shuō)了一句恭維她的話(huà)。"
"你真的這么做的嗎?"媽媽嚴(yán)厲地問(wèn)。"你的原話(huà)是怎么說(shuō)的?"
"我說(shuō)，啊呀，多麗絲，你比我跳過(guò)舞的任何胖姑娘出汗都少!"
if i am a manager
one day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition.
英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)大全爆笑短的[9]
it's me all right
A pretty young lady went to cash a check at a bank. The teller examined it, then asked, "Can you identify yourself? “Looking puzzled, the girl dipped into her handbag and pulled out a small mirror. She glanced into it for a moment, then smiled, "Yes, it's me all right."
這就是我
一位年輕漂亮的女士到銀行取錢(qián)。出納員在檢查了她的存折后問(wèn)道：“您能證明您的身份嗎？” 這個(gè)女孩聽(tīng)了這話(huà)以后看上去很迷惑，隨后她從手提包里拿出一個(gè)小鏡子。她對(duì)著鏡子照了一會(huì)兒，笑了：“對(duì)呀，這就是我。
現(xiàn)在的專(zhuān)欄不用權(quán)限就可以任意加入了,但是也發(fā)亂七八糟的了.請(qǐng)?jiān)诖税l(fā)貼的人,看清楚了好不好?
英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)大全爆笑短的[10]
As a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign warning, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" he asked the owner. "Yep, that's him," came the reply. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner explained, "Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!"一名陌生人走進(jìn)一家鄉(xiāng)間小商店，看到玻璃門(mén)上帖著的一個(gè)告示牌上寫(xiě)著，“危險(xiǎn)! 小心有狗!” 進(jìn)去后，他看到一條樣子一點(diǎn)都不兇的老狗趴在收款機(jī)旁邊的地板上睡覺(jué)。 “這就是大伙都得留神的那只狗啊?” 陌生人問(wèn)店主�！笆�，就是他”，店主回答。 聽(tīng)到這個(gè)回答， 陌生人覺(jué)得很好笑�！拔矣X(jué)得那條狗一點(diǎn)都不可怕。 你帖那個(gè)告示做什么?” “因?yàn)�，�?店主解釋說(shuō)，“在我帖告示之前， 大伙老被他絆倒�！�
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