經(jīng)典的英語笑話

時(shí)間：2020-11-13 14:30:28 英語笑話我要投稿

經(jīng)典的英語笑話

　　從笑話中學(xué)習(xí)英語，輕松自在，讓你充滿自信、左右逢源。今天我們就一起來看看經(jīng)典的英語笑話吧!

經(jīng)典的.英語笑話

　　經(jīng)典的英語笑話(一)

　　Zen Sarcasm 1

　　1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

　　2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

　　3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

　　4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

　　5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

　　6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

　　經(jīng)典的英語笑話(二)

　　Ghost Sex

　　At a conference on the supernatural, one of the speakers asked, "Who here has ever seen a ghost?"

　　Most of the hands go up.

　　"And how many of you have had some form of interaction with a ghost?"

　　About half the hands stay up.

　　"OK, now how many of you have had physical contact with a ghost?"

　　Three hands stay up; there's a slight murmur in the crowd.

　　"Gosh, that's pretty good. OK, have any of you ever, uh, been intimate with a ghost?"

　　One hand stays up.

　　The speaker blinks. "Gosh, sir, are you telling us that you've actually had sexual contact with a ghost?"

　　The guy with his hand up suddenly blushes and says, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you said 'goat.'"

　　經(jīng)典的英語笑話(三)

　　Boyfriend Upgrade

　　Dear Tech Support,

　　Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting modules, limiting access to flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

　　In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9 but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0.

　　Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and HouseCleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

　　Desperate

　　Dear Desperate,

　　Keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

　　Try to enter the command: "C:/ I THOUGHT YOU LOVEDME" and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications: Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0.

　　But remember, over use can cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, HappyHour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

　　Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create "Snoring Loudly" wavefiles.

　　DO NOT install MotherInLaw 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

　　In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance.

　　I personally recommend HotFood 3.0 and Lingerie 5.3

　　Tech Support

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