英語(yǔ)笑話大全爆笑到肚子疼

　　當(dāng)聽別人說笑話的時(shí)候覺得不大好笑，還會(huì)覺得冷很冷，可是自己看的時(shí)候，卻笑到不行，你有這樣的經(jīng)歷么?以下的英語(yǔ)笑話大全爆笑到肚子疼，希望能讓你歡樂笑不停。

　　英語(yǔ)笑話大全爆笑到肚子疼一：長(zhǎng)官在婚禮上 Chief is at the wedding

　　A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street. "But officer," the man said, "I can explain."

　　"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to put you in jail until the chief gets back."

　　"But ,officer, I …."

　　"I said to keep quiet! You are going to jail!"

　　A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "You are lucky because the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

　　"Are you sure?" answered the man in the cell. "I'm the groom."

　　大街上的一個(gè)超速駕駛者被警察攔住了。“但是警察”這個(gè)人說道：“我可以解釋的.”。

　　“保持安靜”，警察突然說道。“我將把你送往監(jiān)獄，直到長(zhǎng)官回來。“但是，警察，我，，，”。

　　“我說過了保持安靜，你要到監(jiān)獄了。”幾小時(shí)后，警察向監(jiān)獄里看了看說道“算你運(yùn)氣好，因?yàn)槲覀兊拈L(zhǎng)官正在他女兒的婚禮上。他將帶著一個(gè)愉快的心情回來的。”

　　“你確定”在牢房里的這個(gè)人說道。“我就是新郎呀”。

　　英語(yǔ)笑話大全爆笑到肚子疼二：同樣的行為，同樣的結(jié)果 The Same Action Yields the Same Resul

　　A couple of hunters chartered a small plane to fly them to a forest,and made an appointment with the pilot to come back and fetch them in about two weeks. At the end of the two weeks, they had shot a lot of animals that they wanted to load onto the plane.

　　But the pilot said, "This plane won't be able to take more than one wild buffalo. You'll have to leave the others behind."

　　Then the hunters protested, saying, "But last year, another pilot with the same airplane let us take two buffalos and some other animals in the plane as well."

　　So the new pilot thought about it. He was a little bit skeptical, but finally he said, "OK, since you did it last year, I guess this year we can do it again." Then he loaded the two buffalos and a few other animals in, and the plane took off. Five minutes later, it crashed in a neighboring area.

　　The three men climbed out and looked around, and one hunter said to the other, "Where do you think we are now?"

　　The second one surveyed the area and said, "I think we're about one mile to the left of the place we crashed last year."

　　有兩個(gè)獵人包機(jī)前往一座森林，到了以后，他們和飛行員約定好兩周后來接。

　　兩周后，他們射了許多動(dòng)物，而且打算把這些動(dòng)物全部搬上那架小飛機(jī)，可是飛行員說：「這架飛機(jī)除了一頭野牛外，沒辦法再多載了。你們必須把其他的獵物都留下�！�

　　獵人說：「但是去年另一個(gè)飛行員開一樣的飛機(jī)，就讓我們帶兩只水牛，還有一些其他的動(dòng)物上機(jī)!」

　　因?yàn)樗麄冞@樣抗議，所以那個(gè)新飛行員想了一想后，盡管還是有點(diǎn)存疑，最后還是妥協(xié)說：「好吧!如果去年可以做到，今年應(yīng)該也可以�！顾�以他裝了兩頭水牛和一些其他的動(dòng)物。結(jié)果飛機(jī)起飛五分鐘后，就墜落在鄰近的`地方。

　　這3個(gè)人從飛機(jī)爬出來看了看四周，其中一個(gè)獵人對(duì)另一個(gè)說：「你認(rèn)為我們現(xiàn)在在哪兒?」

　　那個(gè)人瞧了一下，說：「我想大概距離去年墜機(jī)的地方西邊一英哩遠(yuǎn)!」

　　英語(yǔ)笑話大全爆笑到肚子疼三：爺爺給我付賬 Grandpa will pay the bill

　　Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl said, "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"

　　"Only one kiss per yard," replied the male clerk with a smirk. "That's fine," said the girl. "I'll take ten yards."

　　With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out.

　　The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her, and smiled, "Grandpa will pay the bill."

　　一個(gè)漂亮的女孩走到百貨公司的布料柜臺(tái)，說：“我想要買這種料子來做一條新裙子，多少錢?”

　　“每碼只需要一個(gè)吻。”男售貨員說著，帶著奸笑的表情“很好，”女孩說，“我要十碼。”

　　帶著期待的`表情，售貨員很快地量好了布料，包裹好，一臉奸笑地送了過來。

　　女孩很快收起了包裹，微笑著指向了一個(gè)站在她身邊的老頭：“爺爺給我付賬。”

　　英語(yǔ)笑話大全爆笑到肚子疼四：分享一切 Always Share

　　An old couple went into a restaurant and ordered something to eat: one Coca Cola and one portion of French fries. The old man sat down and the woman, his wife, sat opposite him, and he began to divide the Coca Cola into two glasses, half for him and half for his wife.

　　He divided all the French fries half-and-half. He gave half to his wife and kept half for himself. Then he began to eat and drink,and the woman just drank but didn't eat.

　　There was a young man who was standing next to the table and wondering why the old man had divided everything in half, and he thought that maybe they didn't have any money. He said to

　　the old couple, "Okay, I can buy you one more portion; you don't have to share like that."

　　So the old man explained, "No, no, no, we have been married for forty years and we always share everything. Whatever we have, we share half and half. Don't worry, but thank you, anyhow."

　　But then after a while, he saw that the woman wasn't eating eat, and only the man ate, and he asked, "Why aren't you eating?" And the wife said, "Today it's his turn to use the teeth."

　　有一對(duì)老夫婦到速食店去，叫了一罐可樂和一份薯?xiàng)l。然后他們面對(duì)面坐下來，那位老先生先把可樂分成兩杯，一杯給他自己，另一杯給他太太。

　　接著他又將薯?xiàng)l分成兩份，一份給他太太、一份給自己。然后他開始吃薯?xiàng)l、喝可樂，但是他的太太只是喝可樂，不吃薯?xiàng)l。

　　一個(gè)年輕人剛好站在旁邊，看到老先生把每樣食物都分成兩半，覺得很奇怪，他想或許他們沒有錢，便跟老夫婦說：‘我可以再買一份給你們，你們就不用這樣分了。’

　　老先生解釋說：‘不、不!我們結(jié)婚四十年了，一直都是分享每件事物，什么東西都是一個(gè)人分一半。不用擔(dān)心我們，不過還是謝謝你的好意。’

　　過了一會(huì)兒，他看只有老先生吃著薯?xiàng)l，老太太沒吃，便問老太太：‘你為什么都不吃呢?’老太太說：‘今天輪到他用牙齒。’

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