簡(jiǎn)短英語(yǔ)笑話大全爆笑

　　笑一笑，十年少，小編為大家整理了簡(jiǎn)短英語(yǔ)笑話大全爆笑,希望大家能展顏一笑,記得每天都要開心一刻哦!嘻嘻!

　　簡(jiǎn)短英語(yǔ)笑話大全爆笑篇一：Obstetrician Visit

　　Catherine, pregnant with her first child, paid a visit to her obstetrician's office.

　　After the exam, she shyly began, "My husband wants me to ask you..."

　　"I know, I know," the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy."

　　"No, that's not it," Catherine confessed. "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn."

　　簡(jiǎn)短英語(yǔ)笑話大全爆笑篇二：Martian Lovin'

　　The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough frequent flier miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things.

　　Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex. "Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen.

　　The Martian responds, "Pretty much the way you do." A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another.

　　Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weenie member-about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick. "I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen.

　　"Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?"

　　"Well," she replies, "It's just not long enough to reach me!" "No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long.

　　"Well," she says, "That's quite impressive, but it is still narrow."

　　"No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman. "Wow!" she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad, passionate love. The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go their separate ways.

　　As they walk along, Mike asks "Well, was it any good?"

　　"I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was pretty wonderful. How about you?"

　　"It was horrible," he replies, "all I got was a headache. . .she kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."

　　簡(jiǎn)短英語(yǔ)笑話大全爆笑篇三：Jesus and the Robber

　　One night a robber broke into a home and heard a voice say, "Jesus is watching you!"while he rumagged through the desk.

　　He replied, "Who said that?!"

　　Once again he heard the same thing, "Jesus is watching you!"

　　The robber looked around the room only to see a parrot. He asked the parrot what its namewas. The parrot replied, "Cornelius."

　　The robber said, "What kind of a name is that?! Who names a parrot that?!"

　　The parrot said, "The same person who named that rottweiler behind you Jesus!"

　　簡(jiǎn)短英語(yǔ)笑話大全爆笑篇四：The Hunting Dog

　　Chester and Earl are going hunting. Chester says to Earl, "I'll send my dog out to see if there are any ducks out in the pond. If there aren't any ducks out there, I'm not going hunting."

　　So he sends the dog out to the pond. The dog comes back and barks twice. Chester says, "Well I'm not going to go out. He only saw two ducks out there."

　　Earl says, "You're going to take the dog's barks for the truth?" Earl doesn't believe it, so he goes to look for himself. When he gets back he says, "I don't believe it where did you get that dog? There really are only two ducks out there!"

　　Chester says, "Well, I got him from the breeder up the road. If you want, you can get one from him, too."

　　So Earl goes to the breeder and says he wants a dog like the one his friend Chester has. The breeder obliges and Earl brings the dog home, tells it to go out and look for ducks. Minutes later the dog returns with a stick in it's mouth and starts humping Earl's leg.

　　Outraged, Earl takes the dog back to the breeder and says, "This dog is a fraud. I want my money back!"

　　The breeder asks Earl what the dog did. So Earl tells him that when he sent the dog out to look for ducks, it came back with a stick in its mouth and started humping his leg.

　　The breeder says, "Earl, all he was trying to tell you was that there are more fucking ducks out there than you can shake a stick at!"

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