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笑死人不償命的英語笑話（精選10篇）
笑話來源于生活，卻又可以讓我們的生多些歡樂、開心，下面為大家?guī)硇λ廊瞬粌斆挠⒄Z笑話，快來看看吧。
笑死人不償命的英語笑話 篇1
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
"I think my friend is dead!" he yells. "What can I do?"
The operator says, "Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead."
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, "Okay, now what?"
兩個獵人在森林里打獵，突然一人暈倒了。他的'呼吸停止，眼神呆滯。另外一個人掏出手機(jī)，撥打911。
“我想我的朋友死了！”他喊道，“我該怎么辦？”
接線員說：“請冷靜。首先，請確認(rèn)他是否真的死了。”接著一陣沉寂，然后是一聲槍響�；氐诫娫捴�，獵人接著說：“好了，然后呢？”
笑死人不償命的英語笑話 篇2
A small boy and his father were having a walk in the country when it suddenly began to rain very hard． They did not have their umbrella with them， and there was nowhere to hide from the rain， so they were soon very wet， and the small boy did not feel very happy． For a long time while they were walking home through the rain， the boy was thinking． Then at last he turned to his father and said to him，“Why does it rain， Father？ It isn't very nice， is it？” “No， it isn't very nice， but it's very useful，Tom，”answered his father．“It rains to make the fruit and the vegetables grow for us， and to make the grass grow for the cows and sheep．” Tom thought about this for a few seconds， and then he said，“Then，why does it rain on the road too， Father？”
一個小男孩和他的父親正在鄉(xiāng)間行走，突然下起了大雨。 他們沒帶傘，加上四下無處可以躲雨，所以很快他們渾身上下被淋濕了，小男孩感到很不好受。 他們在雨中朝家走去，有好一會兒，那個男孩一直在思索著什么。后來終于他朝父親轉(zhuǎn)過臉去，問他說：“爸爸，為什么天會下雨呢？下雨可不太好，是吧？” “是呀，下雨是不太好，可是下雨也有很多有益的地方，湯姆。”父親回答說。“老天爺下雨促使了為我們所食用的水果和蔬菜的.生長，同樣也促使牛羊所吃的青草的生長�！� 湯姆對父親的這番話想了一會，然后說：“那么，父親，老天爺為什么還要把雨下在路上呢？”
笑死人不償命的英語笑話 篇3
One Point
Hanging in the hallway at Whites High School in Wabash, Ind., and the basketball team pictures from the past 40 years. A player in the center of the front row in each picture holds a basketball identifying the year －"62-63", "63-64", "64-65", etc.
One day I spotted a freshman looking curiously at the photos. Turning to me, he said, "Isn't it strange how the teams always lost by one point?"
一分之差
位于印第安那州瓦巴西的懷茲中學(xué)，其門廳里懸掛著過去四十年間樣籃球隊的`照片。每幅照片前排中間的隊員舉著一個籃球，上面標(biāo)明年份－“62-63”，“63-64”，“64-65”等等。
一天，我看到一個新生很困惑地看著照片。他朝我轉(zhuǎn)過身來，說道：“多奇怪呀，這些隊都是以一分之差輸?shù)舻模?quot;
笑死人不償命的英語笑話 篇4
who want to go to heaven
The preacher was vexed because a certain member of his congregation always fell asleep during the sermon.
As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon. So, in a whisper, he asked the congregation. "All who want to go to heaven, please rise." Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering "Be seated", the minister shouted at the top of his voiced, "All those who want to be with the devil, please rise."
Awaking with a start , the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit , "Well, sir," he said, "I don't know what we're voting on, but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."
牧師非常生氣，因為總有一個人在他說教時打瞌睡。
一個星期天，正當(dāng)坐在前排的那個人又在瞌睡時，牧師決定要好好教育他一下，讓他不要再在布道時睡覺。于是他低聲對信徒們說：“想去天堂的人，都請站起來吧�！彼械娜硕颊玖似饋怼�(dāng)然，除了那個打瞌睡的人。在低聲說過請坐后，牧師高聲喊道：“想去下地獄的人請站起來!”
打瞌睡的人被這突然的.喊叫聲驚醒了，他站了起來�？吹侥翈煾哒驹诮虊�，正生氣的看著他。這個人說道：“噢，先生，我不知道我們在選什么，但看上去只有你和我是候選人�！�
笑死人不償命的英語笑話 篇5
A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and the insurance company paid for everything."
"That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because my house were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."
The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "How do you start a flood?" he asked.
一個律師與一個工程師在加勒比海邊釣魚。律師說：“我到這里是因為我的房子被大火燒了，保險公司賠償了我所有的損失�！�
“這太巧了，”工程師說，“我是因為房子被洪水沖垮了，保險公司也賠償了所有的損失。”
律師看起來有些困惑，“你是怎么引起洪水的`？”他不解的問。
笑死人不償命的英語笑話 篇6
Blind Date
After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave.When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.""Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"
相親
和盲約對象呆了一晚上后，男人再也受不了了。他事先安排了個朋友給他打電話，這樣他就能借故先離開了。當(dāng)他回到桌邊，他垂下眼睛，裝出一副陰沉的表情，說：“有個不幸的消息，我的'祖父剛剛?cè)ナ懒恕！薄爸x天謝地！”他的約會對象說，“如果你的祖父不死，我的祖父就得死了！”
笑死人不償命的英語笑話 篇7
Walking up to a department store's fabric（織物，布） counter, the pretty girl said, "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"
"Only one kiss per yard," replied the male clerk with a smirk（假笑，傻笑） . "That's fine," said the girl. "I'll take ten yards."
With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly（故意使人煩惱地） held it out.
The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer（老家伙） standing beside her, and smiled, "Grandpa will pay the bill."
一個漂亮的女孩走到百貨公司的布料柜臺，說：“我想要買這種料子來做一條新裙子，多少錢？”
“每碼只需要一個吻。”男售貨員說著，帶著奸笑的.表情“很好，”女孩說，“我要十碼�！�
帶著期待的表情，售貨員很快地量好了布料，包裹好，一臉奸笑地送了過來。
女孩很快收起了包裹，微笑著指向了一個站在她身邊的老頭：“爺爺給我付賬�！�
笑死人不償命的英語笑話 篇8
Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
“昨天給你的錢干什么了？”
“我給了一個可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。 “你真是個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說。“再給你兩分錢�？赡銥槭裁磳δ俏焕咸敲锤信d趣呢？”
“她是個賣糖果的�！�
Nest and Hair
My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
"I see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.
"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .
"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "
Notes:
鳥窩與頭發(fā)
我姐姐是一位小學(xué)老師。一次一個學(xué)生告訴她說一只鳥兒在教室外 的樹上壘了個窩。
“是什么鳥呢？”我姐姐問她。
“我沒看到鳥兒，老師，只看到鳥窩�！蹦呛⒆踊卮鹫f。
“那么，你能給我們描述一下這個鳥巢嗎？”我姐姐鼓勵她道。
“哦，老師，就像你的.頭發(fā)一樣�！�
笑死人不償命的英語笑話 篇9
A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.
一個人正在看報紙，他的妻子走到他身后，用一只煎鍋敲他的后腦勺。
He asks, What was that for?
他問道：“干什么？”
She says, I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it.
她說：“我在你口袋里發(fā)現(xiàn)了一張寫有‘Betty Sue’的紙條。”
He says, Jeez, honey, 'Betty Sue' was the name of the horse I bet on. She shrugs and walks away.
他說：“哎呀，親愛的，‘Betty Sue’是我賭的那匹馬的名字�！彼柫寺柤�，走了。
Three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.
三天后他正在看報紙，妻子走到他身后，又用一只煎鍋敲他的后腦勺。
He asks, What was that for?
他問：“又干嘛？”
She answers, Your horse called.
她答道：“你的'馬打電話來了�！�
笑死人不償命的英語笑話 篇10
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.孩子們在天主教學(xué)校的自助食堂中排隊打午飯。
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."
在桌子的'前端有一大堆蘋果。修女寫了一張字條，把它貼在了蘋果盤上：“只能拿一個，上帝在看著�！�
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
繼續(xù)排著隊向前走，在桌子的盡頭有一大堆巧克力脆餅。
A child had written a note, "Take all you want.God is watching the apples."
一個孩子寫了張字條：“隨便拿，上帝在看著蘋果�！�
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