英文的爆笑笑話大全
要是有一則笑話解決不了的事，那就兩則笑話，看笑話，能讓我們變得開(kāi)心，今天小編為大家準(zhǔn)備了英文的爆笑笑話大全，歡迎閱讀!
英文的爆笑笑話一：To Profit from a Misfortune 因禍得福
A man was a butterfingers(手腳笨拙的.人). He had been suffering from unemployment for months.
At last he found a job in a chinaware house. He had worked only a few days when he dropped a large vase.
The manager summoned him to the office and told him that money would be deductedfrom his wages every week until the vase was paid for. He asked: "How much did it cost?" "Five hundred dollars." said the manager. "Oh, that's wonderful," he said happily, "I'm so happy that I have got a steady job at last."
有一個(gè)人很粗心，老是打爛東西。他已失業(yè)好幾個(gè)月了。
最后他在一個(gè)瓷器店找到了一個(gè)工作�？墒遣鸥闪藥滋�，英語(yǔ)小故事他就打爛了一個(gè)很大的花瓶。
經(jīng)理把他到辦公室去，告訴他每個(gè)星期都要扣他的工錢(qián)，直到賠償夠了為止。他就問(wèn)：“那個(gè)花瓶值多少錢(qián)?”經(jīng)理說(shuō)：“值500美元。”他很高興地說(shuō)：“啊!太妙了，我非常高興，終于有個(gè)穩(wěn)定的工作啦。”
英文的爆笑笑話二：交通事故
A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stop sign ...hit his car broadside, and knocked him cold.
有個(gè)人開(kāi)車(chē)行駛在上班的路上，一輛卡車(chē)闖紅燈從側(cè)面撞上了他的車(chē)，當(dāng)時(shí)他就不省人事了。
Passerbys pulled him from the wreck and revived him.
路旁的行人把他從車(chē)?yán)锢鰜?lái)并喚醒他。
He began a terrific struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics.
剛一醒過(guò)來(lái)，他就拼命的掙扎著，最后不得不用了藥物才讓他鎮(zhèn)靜下來(lái)。
Later, when he was calm, they asked him why he struggled so.
過(guò)了一會(huì)兒，他平靜了，別人問(wèn)他為什么要這么恐怖的掙扎，
He said, "I remember the impact, then nothing.
他說(shuō)：“被撞之后我就什么都不知道了，
I woke up on a concrete slab in front of a huge, flashing 'Shell' sign. And somebody was standing in front of the 'S.'
當(dāng)我醒過(guò)來(lái)，我發(fā)現(xiàn)我躺在了路邊，前面是一個(gè)巨大的廣告牌上面閃爍著‘殼牌’，但是有個(gè)人擋住了那個(gè)s。”
英文的爆笑笑話三：離事故有多遠(yuǎn)?
A carpenter was giving evidence about an accident he had witnessed.
一位木匠正在為他目擊的一起事故作證。
The judge asked him how far away he was from the accident.
法官問(wèn)他當(dāng)時(shí)離事發(fā)現(xiàn)場(chǎng)有多遠(yuǎn)。
The carpenter replied "twenty seven feet, six-and-one-half- inches".
木匠回答，“27英尺，6.5英寸”。
"What? How come you are so sure of that distance?" asked the judge.
法官問(wèn)：“什么?你怎么能這樣確定?”
"Well, I knew some idiot would ask me. So I measured it!" replied the carpenter.
木匠回答，“是啊，我知道一定會(huì)有傻瓜問(wèn)我這個(gè)問(wèn)題，所以我事先測(cè)量了一下。”
英文的爆笑笑話四：A drunk decides to go ice fishing 酒鬼釣魚(yú)
A drunk decides to go ice fishing, so he gathers his gear and goes walking around until he finds a big patch of ice. He heads into the center of the ice and begins to saw a hole.
All of a sudden, a loud booming voice comes out of the sky. "You will find no fish under that ice."
The drunk looks around, but sees no one. He starts sawing again. Once more, the voice speaks, "as I said before, there are no fish under the ice."
The drunk looks all around, high and low, but can't see a single soul. He picks up the saw and tries one more time to finish.
Before he can even start cutting, the huge voice interrupts. "I have warned you three times now. There are no fish!"
The drunk is now flustered and somewhat scared, so he asks the voice, "how do you know there are no fish? Are you God trying to warn me?"
"No," the voice replied. "I am the manager of this hockey rink."
一個(gè)酒鬼想在冰上垂釣，因此，他整理好釣魚(yú)用具后，便四處去尋找釣魚(yú)場(chǎng)所。最終，他發(fā)現(xiàn)了一大塊冰，就跑到冰的中心開(kāi)始鋸洞。
這時(shí)，突然從天空中傳來(lái)一個(gè)急速擴(kuò)大的聲音。“你是不會(huì)在冰的下面找到魚(yú)的。”
這個(gè)酒鬼朝周?chē)戳丝�，可是沒(méi)有一個(gè)人影。他又繼續(xù)鋸了起來(lái)。那個(gè)說(shuō)話人的聲音再次響了起來(lái)：“我已經(jīng)說(shuō)過(guò)了，冰的下面沒(méi)有魚(yú)。”
那個(gè)酒鬼又向四周從高處到低處看了半天，可還是什么也沒(méi)有看見(jiàn)。他又拿起鋸繼續(xù)往下鋸。
他剛要鋸冰面的時(shí)候，那個(gè)巨大的聲音喝止他說(shuō)：“現(xiàn)在，我第三次警告你，這下面沒(méi)有魚(yú)!”
酒鬼頓時(shí)有些驚慌失措，甚至恐懼起來(lái)，于是他問(wèn)那個(gè)聲音：“你是如何知道這下面沒(méi)有魚(yú)的?上帝呀，難道是你在警告我嗎?”
“不是，”那個(gè)聲音回答他，“我是冰球場(chǎng)的經(jīng)理。”
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