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幾則幽默英語(yǔ)笑話
笑話具有篇幅短小，故事情節(jié)簡(jiǎn)單而巧妙，往往出人意料，給人突然之間笑神來(lái)了的奇妙感覺(jué)的特點(diǎn)。大多揭示生活中乖謬的現(xiàn)象，具有諷刺性和娛樂(lè)性。其趣味有高下之分。以下是小編收集整理的幾則幽默英語(yǔ)笑話，希望您能夠喜歡！
Its Sooooo Coooooold
Lorenzo Dow, an evangelist of the last century, was on a preaching tour when he came to a small town one cold winters night.
He entered the local general store to get some warmth, and saw the towns lawyers gathered around the pot-bellied stove, discussing the towns business. Not one offered to allow Dow into the circle.
Dow told the men who he was, and that he had recently had a vision where he had been given a tour of Hell, much like the traveler in Dantes Inferno.
When one of the lawyers asked him what he had seen, he replied, "Very much what I see here: All of the lawyers, gathered in the hottest place."
Interview at the Firm
There was a job opening in the countrys most prestigious law firm and it finally comes down to Robert and Paul.
Both graduated magna cum laude from law school. Both come from good families. Both are equally attractive and well spoken. Its up to the senior partner to choose one, so he takes each candidate aside and asks, "Why did you become a lawyer?
Only seconds after talking to them both, he chooses Paul.
Baffled, Robert takes Paul aside after the interview. "I dont understand why I was rejected. When Mr. Armstrong asked me why I became a lawyer, I said that I had the greatest respect for the law, that Id lay down my life for the Constitution and that all I wanted was to do right by my clients. What in the world did you tell him?"
"I said I became a lawyer because of my hands," Paul replies.
"Your hands? What do you mean?"
"Well, I took a look one day and there wasnt any money in either of them!"
"The Interview" a One-Act Play
Applicant: "Im looking for a job as a consultant."
Employer: "Im sorry, we already have enough consultants."
Applicant: "Thats okay, with my experience, I can be an adviser."
Employer: "More than we can use already."
Applicant (getting desperate): "Im not proud. I can do paperwork, Ill be a clerk, If you have too many, Ill start as a janitor."
Employer: "It just doesnt seem that we have any openings for a person with your qualifications."
Applicant (stands, angrily yells): "To work for you Id have to be a low life, belly crawling, double dealing jerk!"
Employer: "Well, you didnt say you were an attorney! Have a seat, we may have an opening."
roast pig
A gentleman was invited for dinner. When he hurried there and sat down, he was happy to see a roast pig in front of his seat:"Not bad, I am next to the pig." But then he noticed the angry fat lady sitting next to him. He faked a smile and added: "Oh I am sorry, I meant the roasted one on the table."
A Vacation Cruise
One stupid guy reads an ad about a vacation cruise that costs only $ 100.After he signs up and pays, the travel agent hits him with a bat, knocks him unconscious and throws him out the back door into the river. Soon another guy comes in, pays his fee and gets the same treatment.
Fifteen minutes later, as the two are floating down the river together, the first man says, "I wonder if theyre serving any food on this cruise."
"I don t know, the second guy replied. "They didnt last year."
Why should I give you money
A very rich lawyer is approached by the United Way. The man from the United Way is concerned that the lawyer made over $1,000,000.00 last year but didnt donate even a cent to a charity.
"First of all", says the lawyer, "my mother is sick and dying in the hospital, and its not covered by healthcare. Second, I had five kids through three divorced marriages. Third, my sisters husband suddenly died and she has no one to support her four children..."
"Im terribly sorry", says the United Way man, "I feel bad about asking for money."
The Lawyer responds, "Yeah, well if Im not giving them any money, why should I give you any?"
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