英語幽默笑話樂翻天
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英語幽默笑話樂翻天(一)
1、我懂他的話
While eating in a restaurant, I reprimanded my four-year-old son for speaking with his mouth full . "Mump umn Kmpfhm," was all I heard.
"Drew," I scolded, "no one can understand a word you're saying.
"He says he wants some ketchup," my husband said calmly .A woman sitting nearby leaned over and asked, "How in the world did you understand him?"
"I'm a dentist," my husband explained.
在飯店吃飯的時(shí)候，我申斥我4歲的兒子，因?yàn)樗麧M嘴食物在說話。“喔、呢”，我聽到的就是這些。 “祖，”我責(zé)備道，“沒人明白你在說什么。” “他說他要一些番茄醬，”我丈夫平靜地說。坐在旁邊的一位婦女靠過來問道：“你究竟如何明白他的話的呢?” “我是牙醫(yī)。”我丈夫解釋道。
2、我 可 以 回 家 了
One day after school the teacher said to his students，“Tomorrow morning，if any one of you can answer my first question.I'll permit him or her to go home earlier.” The next day，when the teacher came into the classroom，he found the blackboard daubed.He was very angry and asked，“Who did it?Please stand up! ” “It' s me，”said Bob，“Now，I can go home，Good-bye，Sir! ”
一天，放學(xué)以后，老師對(duì)他的學(xué)生們說：“明天上午，如果你們當(dāng)中的任何一個(gè)同學(xué)能回答我的第一個(gè)問題，我就準(zhǔn)許他或她最先回家。”第二天，老師走進(jìn)教室時(shí)發(fā)現(xiàn)黑板已被亂涂，他非常生氣地問：“誰涂的? 請(qǐng)站起來。”鮑勃說：“先生，是我，現(xiàn)在我可以回家了，再見。”
3、怎么把口香糖取出來呢
Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keep their ears from popping. When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed up to her and said, I'm meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum out from my ears?
怎么把口香糖取出來呢當(dāng)空中小姐給乘客們發(fā)口香糖的時(shí)候，她解釋說口香糖有助于他們防止耳鳴。飛機(jī)著陸后，一位乘客跑到這位空中小姐面前，說道：“ 我馬上就要見到我妻子了。我怎么才能把口香糖從耳朵里面取出來呢?”
4 可憐的丈夫
The poor husband
"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man com#plained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.
可憐的丈夫
“你根本無法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的難，”一個(gè)男人對(duì)他的朋友訴苦說，“她問我一個(gè)問題，然后自己回答了，過后又花半個(gè)小時(shí)跟我解釋為什么我的答案是錯(cuò)的。
5 鳥窩與頭發(fā)
Nest and Hair
My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.
"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .
"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "
鳥窩與頭發(fā)
我姐姐是一位小學(xué)老師。一次一個(gè)學(xué)生告訴她說一只鳥兒在教室外樹上壘了個(gè)窩。
“是什么鳥呢?”我姐姐問她。
“我沒看到鳥兒，老師，只看到鳥窩。”那孩子回答說。
“那么，你能給我們描述一下這個(gè)鳥巢嗎?”我姐姐鼓勵(lì)她道。
“哦，老師，就像你的頭發(fā)一樣。”
6、瞎子的判斷
Once there was a blind. One day when he was walking, he
stepped the head of the dog who was sleeping. The dog barked for a while. The blind man went on for miles, this time he stepped the other dog's tail, so this dog barked. The blind man had thought that it was the first dog, so he said in surprise, It's a wonder that the dog is so long.
從前有個(gè)瞎子。一天，他正在行路時(shí)踩著了一只正在睡覺的狗的腦袋，狗汪汪汪地叫了一陣。這人又往前走，這回踩著的.是另外一只狗的尾巴，狗又汪汪汪地叫起來。瞎子以為還是那條狗，驚詫地說：奇怪，這只狗可真夠長的。
7、我沒有看到另外一塊
Mother: I left two pieces of cake in the cupboard this morning, Johnny, and now there is only one piece left. Can you explain that?Johnny: Well, I suppose it was so dark that I didn’t notice the other.
媽媽：約翰尼，我今天早上在櫥子里放了兩塊點(diǎn)心。現(xiàn)在就剩下一塊了。你能解釋一下嗎?約翰尼：嗯，我想是因?yàn)槔锩嫣谖覜]看到另外那塊。
8、好客
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
由于客人在吃蘋果餡餅時(shí)，家里沒有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。這家的小男孩悄悄地離開了屋子。過了一會(huì)兒，他拿著一片奶酪回到房間，把奶酪放在客人的盤子里。 客人微笑著把奶酪放進(jìn)嘴里說：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你媽媽的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪?” “在捕鼠夾上，先生。”那小男孩說。
9、新老師
eorge com#es from school on the first of September."George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother."I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."
9月1日， 喬治放學(xué)回到家里。“喬治，你喜歡你們的新老師嗎?” 媽媽問。“媽媽，我不喜歡，因?yàn)樗f3加3得6, 可后來又說2加4也得6。”
10、鉛筆
he Astronaut Pen During the heat of the space race in the 1960s, the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of approximately $1 million U.S. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on earth. The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.
在二十世紀(jì)六十年代，美國和蘇聯(lián)正處于太空競(jìng)賽的白熱化階段，美國航空航天局決定研制一種圓珠筆，以便在太空艙重力為零的環(huán)境下仍然可以書寫。經(jīng)過大量的研發(fā)工作，花費(fèi)了大約一百萬美元的成本，太空筆終于研制出來了。那支筆果然可以在太空書寫，在回到地球后，作為一樣新奇的小玩意兒也確實(shí)吸引了一些目光。而面臨著同樣難題的蘇聯(lián)，則選擇了一支鉛筆。
英語幽默笑話樂翻天(二)
1 肚里就不會(huì)長蟲了!
A father was trying to teach his son the evils of alcohol.
He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the
water lived, while the one in the whiskey curled up and died.
"All right, son," asked the father, "What does that show you?"
"Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms."
一位父親打算讓自己的兒子知道酒精有多么可怕。他把分別把兩只蟲子放到一杯清水和一杯威士忌里做對(duì)比。清水里蟲子安然無恙，結(jié)果威士忌里的蟲子蜷縮了幾下就掛掉了。"所以，兒子啊，"父親問道，"得出什么結(jié)論?" "恩，這說明，你只要喝酒的話，肚里就不會(huì)長蟲了!"
2 向別人做鬼臉
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms Smith stopped to gently
reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child
I was told if I made ugly faces, my face would freeze and stay like that". Bobby looked up and
replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
史密斯小姐發(fā)現(xiàn)她的一名學(xué)生在操場(chǎng)上向別人做鬼臉，便去輕責(zé)他。
這位主日學(xué)校的老師甜甜地微笑著，說："博比，我小的時(shí)候，有人告訴我如果我做鬼臉，我的臉就會(huì)僵硬，永遠(yuǎn)都那么丑。" 博比抬頭看了看老師，說："史密斯小姐，你可別說沒人警告過你啊。"
3 哪個(gè)月有28天
Dad:?Tom,?please?tell?me,?which?month?has?28?days??Tom:?Every?month.?
爸爸：告訴我湯姆，哪個(gè)月有28天呢??湯姆：每個(gè)月都有啊!
4、誰是世界上第一個(gè)男人
A teacher said to her class:”Who was the first man?”“George Washington,”a little boy shouted promptly.
“How do you make out that George Washington was the first man?”asked the teacher，smiling indulgently.“Because,” said the little boy, “he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen.”But at this point a larger boy held up his hand.“Well,”said the teacher to him, “who do you think was the first man?”
“I don’t know what his name was,”said the larger boy, “but I know it wasn’t George Washington, ma’am, because the history book says George Washington married a widow, so, of course, there must have been a man ahead of him.”
一個(gè)老師問她的學(xué)生：“誰是世界上第一個(gè)男人”一個(gè)小男孩立刻大聲說：“喬治.華盛頓。”老師帶著寵溺的笑容問這個(gè)男生：“你如何證明喬治華盛頓是世界上第一個(gè)男人呢。”這個(gè)男孩子說：“因?yàn)�，他是第一個(gè)挑起戰(zhàn)爭，第一個(gè)主張和平，并且是第一個(gè)深得民心的人。”這時(shí)，有一個(gè)年齡稍大的男孩子舉起手來，老師問他，“你認(rèn)為誰是世界第一個(gè)男人?”男孩回答說：“我不知道他的名字，但是我肯定他不是喬治華盛頓，因?yàn)闅v史書上說，喬治華盛頓和一個(gè)寡婦結(jié)婚了，所以在他之前，當(dāng)然還有一個(gè)男的啦。
5、沒想到那么貴
A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?" The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend."
一個(gè)小偷在一家珠寶店企圖偷走一只手表的時(shí)候被當(dāng)場(chǎng)擒獲。“聽著，”小偷說，“我知道你們也不想惹麻煩。我把這只表買下，然后我們就當(dāng)什么也沒發(fā)生，你看怎樣?”經(jīng)理表示同意，然后列了一張售貨單。小偷看著單子說道：“這比我最初的預(yù)算稍稍高了一點(diǎn)，你們還有沒有便宜一點(diǎn)兒東西。”
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