英語爆笑笑話
一個(gè)人的聰明才智會在幽默的談吐中閃光，并且會深深吸引他人。下面，YJBYS小編給大家收集整理了英語爆笑笑話，增加幽默細(xì)胞，聰明的你一定會成為閃光點(diǎn)。
英語爆笑笑話：Older Goats in America美國老羊
A group of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goats' milk was used.
She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. These, she explained, were the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produced. She then asked, "What do you do with your older goats in America?"
A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours!"
一群美國人乘長途汽車在荷蘭旅游。他們在一個(gè)奶酪場停下來。一位年輕的導(dǎo)游帶他們參觀了奶酪制作的全過程，解釋說用的是羊奶。 她指給這群人一個(gè)美麗的山坡，山坡上許多羊在吃草。對這些，她解釋說，是放逐草地的老羊，它們已不能再產(chǎn)奶。她然后問道：“在美國你們怎樣處理老羊呢?”
一位活潑的老紳士回答說：“他們讓我們乘車旅行!”
英語爆笑笑話：問問你自己的吧
Ask Your OwnIt was a cold，raw day at Washington.Champ Clark was discussing the gamins of the cities with an English visitor.The latter expatiated on the wit of the London type of the genius.Clark declared that if the Englishman were to ask any Washington street urchin any question，the urchin would make anaptreply.They sallied forth. “What time is it，Bub?They tell me you can tell time by your nose，”said the visitor to the first newsboy they met. “Ask your own，mister，mine ain't run nin’，”was the reply.
這是華盛頓的一個(gè)陰冷天。錢普·克拉克正和一個(gè)來訪的英國人討論城市的流浪兒，英國人詳細(xì)地?cái)⑹鲋鴤惗厥教觳诺臋C(jī)智�？死诵Q，要是對方向華盛頓街上任何一個(gè)兒童提任何問題，那孩子都會對答如流。他們便出發(fā)了。 “什么時(shí)候了，小兄弟?人們說你能用鼻子報(bào)時(shí)。” 回答是：“先生，問問你自己的吧，的不在走呢。”
英語爆笑笑話：哪有人能彎腰彎那么低的
Our manager at the restaurant where I worked was a much beloved, jovial man. But there was one subject you didn't dare discuss in front of him -- his height. or, should I say, his lack of it.One day, he stormed through the door and announced angrily, "Someone just picked my pocket!" Most of my fellow waitresses and I were speechless, except for the one who blurted out, "How could anyone stoop so low?"
我們的餐廳經(jīng)理是一位深受大家愛戴，和藹而又快樂的人。但在他面前有一件事不能提--他的身高�；蛘�，我應(yīng)該說，他是有點(diǎn)矮!一天，經(jīng)理怒氣沖沖地撞門而入，高聲說，“有人拿了我的錢包!”
我和其她大部女招待都沒敢吱聲，但有人卻蹦出一句話：“哪有人能彎腰彎那么低的啊”!
英語爆笑笑話：The Monkey
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the pint of beer from him before he is able to stop the monkey.The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The barman replies the piano player. The man walks over to the piano player and says "Do you know your monkey stole my beer." The pianist replies "No, but if you hum it, I'll play it."
一男子去酒吧，點(diǎn)了一杯啤酒。他喝了一口放下。當(dāng)他環(huán)視酒吧時(shí)，發(fā)現(xiàn)一只猴子蕩下來，在他阻止之前，偷走了啤酒。該男子問酒吧招待，這只猴子是誰的`。服務(wù)員回答說是鋼琴手的。男子走到鋼琴手面前問：“你知道你的猴子偷了我的啤酒嗎?”鋼琴手回答說：“沒有，但是如果你能哼唱，我會為你演奏的。”
英語爆笑笑話：絕配
A wealthy matron is so proud of a valuable antique vase that she decides to have her bedroom painted the same color as the vase. Several painters try to match the shade, but none comes close enough to satisfy the eccentric woman.
Eventually, a painter approaches who is confident he can mix the proper color. The woman is pleased with the result, and the painter becomes famous.
Years later, he retires and turns the business over to his son."Dad, “says the son, there’s something I’ve got to know. How did you get those walls to match the vase so perfectly?"
"Son”, the father replies, I painted the vase."
一個(gè)富有的主婦很是驕傲因?yàn)樗詹亓艘患浅Ｓ袃r(jià)值的古董花瓶，于是她決定把臥室粉刷成與花瓶同樣的顏色。許多油漆匠都試圖盡力與花瓶的顏色匹配，但是沒有任何人能做得 讓那古怪的女人滿意的。
一個(gè)油漆匠很自信他能做到，最終他成功了。那個(gè)主婦很滿意，于是這個(gè)油漆匠也變得很出名。
多年以后，油漆匠要退休了，他把自己的生意交給兒子去經(jīng)營。“爸爸”兒子問“我還有些事情想知道，你怎么能把墻粉刷得和花瓶的顏色那么相配?”“兒子”爸爸回答到“我只不過是把花瓶刷了。”
英語爆笑笑話：I didn't know that I was so far back already
A big battle was going on during the First World War.Guns were firing， and shells and bullets were flying about everywhere.After an hour of this， one of the soldiers decidedthat the fighting was getting too dangerous for him， so he leftthe front line and began to go away from the battle. After hehad walked for an hour，he saw an officer coming towardshim. The officer stopped him and said，“ where are you going?” “I'm trying to get as far away as possible from the battlethat's going on behind us， sir，” the soldier answered. “Do you know who I am?” the officer said to him angrily.“I'm your commanding officer.” The soldier was very surprised when he heard this and said，“My God，I didn't know that I was so far back already!”
第一次世界大戰(zhàn)期間，一場大戰(zhàn)役正在進(jìn)行。槍炮轟鳴，炮彈和子彈到處亂飛。這樣過了一個(gè)小時(shí)后，一個(gè)士兵認(rèn)定戰(zhàn)斗對他來說變得太危險(xiǎn)了，所以他離開前線開始逃離戰(zhàn)場。步行了一個(gè)小時(shí)之后，他看見一個(gè)軍官向他走過來。那軍官叫住他說：“你要到哪兒去?” “長官，我正盡可能遠(yuǎn)地躲開我們身后正在進(jìn)行的戰(zhàn)役，”士兵回答說。 “你知道我是誰嗎?”軍官生氣地對他說：“我是你的指揮官。” 那士兵聽到此話感到非常驚訝，說：“天哪，我想不到我已經(jīng)往回跑了這么遠(yuǎn)了!”
英語爆笑笑話：吝嗇鬼的聚會
The Mean Mans Party
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-handed, are you?"
吝嗇鬼的聚會
一個(gè)聲名狼藉的小氣鬼終于決定要請一次客了。他在向一個(gè)朋友解釋怎么找到他家時(shí)說：“你上到五樓，用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了后，再用你的腳把門推開。”
“為什么我要用我的肘和腳呢?”
“天哪!” 吝嗇鬼回答，“你總不會空著手來吧?”
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