笑岔氣的英語笑話

　　導語：愛笑的人，運氣總不會太差，那么你喜歡笑么?這里小編收集整理了笑岔氣的英語笑話，一起來看看吧!說不定能點中你的笑穴哦!

　　1 不要告訴她

　　Two twins went to the kindergarten.“Who's the elder and who's the younger one?” asked a nurse. One of them winked and said，“Elder brother，don't tell her.”

　　兩個雙胞胎走進幼兒園。“你們兩個誰大誰小?”保育員問。其中的一個眨了眨眼睛說，“哥哥，不要告訴她。”

　　2 童言無忌

　　One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm1) a mother was tucking her small boy into bed.She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor2) in his voice，“Mommy，will you sleep with me tonight ?”The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring3) hug. “I can' t，dear.” She said.“I have to sleep in Daddy's room.”Along silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice：“The big sissy4).”

　　一個夏季的晚上，雷雨大作，母親讓小男孩上床鉆進被窩。她正準備熄燈，孩子聲音顫抖地問：“媽咪，你今晚可以陪我睡嗎?”母親笑著，擁抱一下小孩安慰說，“親愛的，不可以。我得睡在爸爸的房間。”一陣長長的'沉默之后，男孩小聲地用顫音說：“大膽小鬼。”

　　3 湯姆的借口

　　Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day? Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow".老師：湯姆，您為什么每天上學遲到?湯姆：我每次路過拐角，一個路標上面寫著："學校----慢行。"

　　4 請假

　　Two factory workers are talking.

　　Woman: I can make the boss give me the day off.

　　Man: And how would you do that?

　　Woman: Just wait and see.

　　She then hangs upside down from the ceiling. After a while, the boss comes in.

　　Boss: What are you doing?

　　Woman: I'm a light bulb.

　　Boss: You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.

　　The man starts to follow her.

　　Man: I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark.

　　工廠的兩名工人正在談論。

　　女人:我可以讓老板放我一天假。

　　男人:你會怎么做?

　　女人:你就等著看吧。

　　然后她把自己倒吊在天花板土，過了一會兒，老板走來進來。

　　老板:你干什么呢?

　　女人:我是一個燈泡。

　　老板:你工作太多了，都發(fā)瘋了。我認為你需要休息一天。

　　男人開始跟著她往外走。

　　Boss: Where are you going?

　　老板:你要去哪里?

　　男人:我也要回家。我無法在黑暗中工作呀。

　　5 誰是傻瓜 Who is stupid

　　One day a college professor of Psychology was greeting his new college class. He stood up in front of the class and said, "Would everyone who thinks he or she is stupid please stand up?" After a minute or so of silence, a young man stood up. "Well, good morning. So, you actually think you're a moron?" the professor asked. The kid replied, "No sir, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."

　　一天，一位大學心理學教授向他的新生們問候。他站在學生們的面前說：“如果哪位同學認為自己傻，就請站起來。” 大約過了一分鐘，一位年輕人站了起來。教授說：“嗨，你好。你真的認為自己是個低能兒么?” 這個孩子回答道：“不是的，先生，我只是不忍心看著只有你自己站在這里。”

　　6 反擊

　　The German poet Heine was Jewish. Once at a patty a traveler said to him: "I found an island where, to my surprise, there were no Jews or donkeys!"

　　Henie said calmly: "Well, this defect can only be remedied when you and I together go to the island!"

　　德國大詩人海涅是猶太人。有一次晚會上，一個旅行家對他說:“我發(fā)現(xiàn)了一座島嶼，令我驚奇的是，那個島上竟然沒有猶太人和驢子!”

　　海涅不動聲色地說:“看來，只有你我一起去那個島上，才會彌補這個缺陷!”

　　7 入口處

　　Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".

　　三個互相爭生意的商店老板在一條林蔭道上租用了毗鄰的店鋪。旁觀者等著瞧好戲。右邊的零售商掛起了巨大的招牌，上書：“大減價!”“特便宜!”左邊的商店掛出了更大的招牌，聲稱：“大砍價!”“大折扣!”。中間的商人隨后準備了一個大招牌，上面只簡單地寫著：“入口處”。

　　8 猴子和跳蚤

　　Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea? A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys. 猴子會和跳蚤有什么不同呢?你可能會直接的想到它們倆是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以長跳蚤，而跳蚤身上卻不能有猴子。這個答案很有意思吧?

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