特搞英語笑話爆笑大全
不知大家可看過相親這個(gè)英語笑話，yjbys小編呀覺得特別的搞笑，分享給你們看哦。
相親 Blind Date
After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave.When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.""Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"
和盲約對象呆了一晚上后，男人再也受不了了。他事先安排了個(gè)朋友給他打電話，這樣他就能借故先離開了。當(dāng)他回到桌邊，他垂下眼睛，裝出一副陰沉的表情，說：“有個(gè)不幸的消息，我的祖父剛剛?cè)ナ懒恕?rdquo;“謝天謝地!”他的約會(huì)對象說，“如果你的祖父不死，我的祖父就得死了!”
《律師、寶馬和胳膊》
A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.
"Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer!!!", he whined.
一個(gè)律師打開他的寶馬車門，突然一輛汽車駛過來把門撞飛了，警察趕到現(xiàn)場，律師正痛苦地抱怨毀壞了他心愛的寶馬。
“警察同志，看看他們把我的車弄的!!!”律師哀怨地說。
"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"
“你們律師真是物質(zhì)至上，我很不舒服!”警察反駁說，“你這么關(guān)心你可惡的`寶馬，你可能沒有注意到你的左胳膊也沒了。”
律師終于注意到了血淋淋的左肩膀，“天哪，我的勞力士手表在哪兒?”
The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
9月1日， 喬治放學(xué)回到家里。
George, how did you like your new teacher? asked his mother.
“喬治，你喜歡你們的新老師嗎?” 媽媽問
I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too.....
“媽媽，我不喜歡，因?yàn)樗f3加3得6, 可后來又說2加4也得6。”
The Fish Net
Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?
“你能告訴我魚網(wǎng)是什么做的嗎，安?” 老師發(fā)問道。
A lot of little holes tied together with strings. replied the little girl.
“把許多小孔用繩子栓在一起就成了魚網(wǎng)了。”小女孩回答道。
Another 40 Years to live
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live." Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, lip-suction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even had someone come in and change her hair color, figuring since she had so much more time to live, she might as well make the most of it. She got out of the hospital after the last operation and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 Years? "God replied, "I didn't recognize you."
一名中年婦女心臟病突發(fā)被送到了醫(yī)院， 在手術(shù)臺(tái)上，瀕臨死亡之際，她看到了上帝， 于是，她問上帝是不是她的日子到頭了。 上帝回答說，“還沒有，你還能活43年，2個(gè)月零8天。” 身體快要康復(fù)的時(shí)候，這名女士想到自己還要活那么多年，得好好對待自己，于是決定先不出院，而是去給自己整整容，吸吸脂，隆隆胸，然后還做了一個(gè)腹部拉皮和其它一些美容美體手術(shù)。 她甚至還請人到醫(yī)院里面幫她頭發(fā)給染了。 做完最后一個(gè)手術(shù)，這位女士出院了， 但就在過馬路的時(shí)候，她被一輛風(fēng)馳電摯趕回醫(yī)院的救護(hù)車給撞死了。 再一次，她又站到了上帝的面前，她大惑不解地問上帝，“我記得你說我還能再活40年?” 上帝回答，“那個(gè)時(shí)候我沒認(rèn)出你來”。
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