爆笑英語笑話笑破你肚子

　　下面yjbys小編整理收集了多篇搞笑的英語笑話，希望你會喜歡。

　　怕老婆的丈夫

　　The ruler of an ancient kingdom wanted to disprove the statement that the men of his domain were ruled by their wives.He had all the males in his kingdom brought before him and warned that any man who did not tell the truth would be punished severely. Then he asked all the men who obeyed their wives' directions and counsel to step to the left side of the hall. All the men did so but one little man who moved to the right. “It's good to see，”said the king，“that we have one real man in the kingdom.Tell these chickenhearted dunces why you alone among them stand on the right side of the hall.” “Your Majesty，”came the reply in a squealing voice，“it is because before I left home my wife told me to keep out of crowds.”

　　古代有一個國王，他想證明他領(lǐng)土內(nèi)的男人并非像人們傳說的那樣，受到老婆的管制。他把王國里所有的'男人都召到跟前，警告說，哪個男人膽敢不說實話，就會受到嚴(yán)厲的懲罰。然后，他叫所有聽從妻子的命令和意見的男人都走向大廳的左側(cè)。所有的男人都站到了左側(cè)，只有一個小個子男人站到了右側(cè)。國王說：“看到我們國家里還有一個真正的男子漢，真是令人高興。告訴這些膽小的笨蛋，為什么在他們當(dāng)中只有你一個人站在大廳的右側(cè)。” “陛下，”那人尖聲地回答：“因為在我出門之前，我老婆告訴我不要扎堆。”

　　What are the Two Words?

　　A very nice old lady had a few words to say to her granddaughter. My dear, said the old lady, I wish you would do something for me. I wish you would promise me never to use two words. One is ‘lousy’ and the other is ‘swell’. Would you promise me that?

　　Why, sure, Granny, said the girl. What are the two words?

　　一個非常和藹的老夫人有幾句話要對她的孫女說。我親愛的，老夫人說，我希望你能幫我一個忙。我要你答應(yīng)永遠(yuǎn)不要用兩個詞，一個是“討厭的”，另一個是“極好的”。你能答應(yīng)我嗎?

　　噢，當(dāng)然，奶奶。女孩說：是哪兩個詞?

　　Not so fast 別那么急嘛

　　A pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a gala(歡慶的) charity event was taking place.

　　Getting caught up in the spirit, the pig suggested to the chicken that they each make a contribution.

　　"Great idea!" the chicken cried."Let's offer hem1 ham and eggs?"

　　"Not so fast," said the pig testily2. "For you, that's a contribution. For me, it's a total commitment."

　　一只豬和一只雞路過一所教堂，那里有一場盛大慈善活動正在進(jìn)行著。

　　在精神上收到觸動的豬向小雞提出建議：他們每個人作出點自己的貢獻(xiàn)。

　　“好主意!”雞尖叫道，“讓我們給腿和雞蛋吧?”

　　“著什么急”豬不耐煩地說，“對你來說，是一個貢獻(xiàn)，對我來說，這是一個完全的獻(xiàn)身。”

　　The boy and the snails 男孩和蝸牛

　　A farmer's boy went looking for snails, and, when he had picked up both his hands full, he set about making a fire at which to roast them; for he meant to eat them. When it got well alight and the snails began to feel the heat, they gradually withdrew more and more into their shells with the hissing noise they always make when they do so. When the boy heard it, he said, "You abandoned creatures, how can you find heart to whistle when your houses are burning?"

　　一個鄉(xiāng)下少年到處尋找蝸牛，當(dāng)他雙手都塞滿了蝸牛后，就準(zhǔn)備點火烤著吃�；瘘c著了，蝸牛也開始感覺到熱了，他們紛紛退向堅殼的深處，同時還發(fā)出“咝咝”的噪音。男孩子聽到了蝸牛發(fā)出的噓聲，便說：“你們這些連命都快沒有的家伙，怎么還能有心情在窩里著火時吹口哨呢?”

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