囧人英語笑話
The ability of the Kangaroo ，袋鼠有什么能力呢?接下來和應屆畢業(yè)生小編一同來看英語笑話。
死于肝癌的人100%都吃飯
Wife:You see.According to te statistics on the paper 80% of
those who have died of liver cancer have drunk alcoho.
妻子：你瞧，根據(jù)這報上登的統(tǒng)計數(shù)字，那些死于肝癌的人有80%都喝酒。
Husband:It's okey. To my investigation, all Thespeopleeat
meals.
丈夫：那就不錯了。據(jù)我調查，所有這些人都吃飯呢。
我是單身漢
Jack fell off his bicycle and got hurt.A beautiful young nurse asked him to fill forms. Jack finished them and gave them back.
杰克騎車摔傷，去醫(yī)院治療。一位年輕美貌的護士拿著表格讓填。 杰克填好后遞上表格。
"Anything else?"The nurse asked. "Yes," Jack thinks for a while and said "l'm a bachelor."
“還有什么漏填的?”護士問。“有!”杰克想了想說，“我是個單身漢。”
狗住旅店
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"
有個人給一家他計劃在假期里停留的小旅館寫了封信，“我非常希望帶著我的.狗，它很干凈很有教養(yǎng)，你能允許它和我睡一間屋子嗎?”
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."
旅館主人立即回了封信，“我經(jīng)營旅館很多年了，狗從沒偷過毛巾，床單， 餐具，或者墻上的畫。我也從沒有在半夜因為狗喝醉胡鬧而趕走它，狗也從不不付帳就跑掉。實際上我們非常歡迎您的狗來我們旅館，如果它為您擔保，也歡迎您來。
The ability of the Kangaroo 袋鼠的能力
The zoo built a special eight-foot-high enclosure for its newly acquired kangaroo, but the next morning the animal was found hopping around outside. The height of the fence was increased to 15 feet, but the kangaroo got out again. Exasperated, the zoo director had the height increased to 30 feet, but the kangaroo still escaped. A giraffe asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll build the fence?"
"I don't know, " said the kangaroo. "Maybe a thousand feet if they keep leaving the gate unlocked.
動物園為剛引進的袋鼠建了一個特殊的八英尺高的圍墻。但是第二天早上，人們發(fā)現(xiàn)這動物在圍墻外面蹦跳著。于是圍墻高度增加到十五英尺，但袋鼠還是跑了出來。動物園經(jīng)理甚感惱火，又叫人把圍墻高度加到三十英尺，但袋鼠還是逃了出來。一個長頸鹿問袋鼠：“你認為他們會把圍墻建到多高?” “我不知道，”袋鼠說，“如果他們繼續(xù)開著大門，可能要修到一千英尺吧。”
什么叫叛徒?
Young hopeful：“Father，what is a traitor in politics?” Father(a veteran politician)：“A traitor is a man who leaves our party and goes over to the other one.” Young hopeful：“Well then，what is a man who leaves his party and comes over to yours?” Father：“A convert，my son.”
有希望的青年人：“父親，什么叫政治叛徒?” 父親(一位老資格的政治家)：“叛徒指的是離開我們黨而加入到另一個黨的人。” 有希望的青年人：“那么，離開他的黨而加入到我們黨的人又叫什么呢?” 父親：“叫改變信仰者。我的兒子。”
馬克吐溫
On one occasion when Mark Twain arrived in London from New York，the Star thought the fact worth recording onits evening placard.But there was another piece of news to bementioned：it was about the Ascot Cup being stolen.Theplacard thus ran： MARK TWAIN ARRIVES. ASCOT CUP STOLEN. Mark Twain，we believe，never heard the last of it.
有一次，馬克吐溫從紐約起程抵達倫敦訪問，《星報》認為這個消息值得登在它的晚招貼上。但是，還有一條消息也要登上：關于愛斯科杯被盜的消息。招貼是這樣寫的： 馬克吐溫 光臨 愛斯科杯 被盜 我們相信，馬克吐溫從來也沒聽說過這件事。
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