簡(jiǎn)單英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)段子
我們知道笑可以延年,哭能夠傷心。讓我們多點(diǎn)看看英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)吧。下面由YJBYS小編為您整理的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)。
沒(méi)想到那么貴
A shoplifter 51kxh.cn |was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?" The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend."
一個(gè)小偷在一家珠寶店企圖偷走一只手表的時(shí)候被當(dāng)場(chǎng)擒獲。“聽(tīng)著，”小偷說(shuō)，“我知道你們也不想惹麻煩。我把這只表買(mǎi)下，然后我們就當(dāng)什么也沒(méi)發(fā)生，你看怎樣?”經(jīng)理表示同意，然后列了一張售貨單。小偷看著單子說(shuō)道：“這比我最初的預(yù)算稍稍高了一點(diǎn)，你們還有沒(méi)有便宜一點(diǎn)兒東西。”
為什么不呼救
Policeman: Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch? Man: If I had opened my mouth, they'd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.
警察：有人搶你的手表時(shí)，你為什么不呼救呢?男子：要是我張口的話(huà)，他們就會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)我的四顆金牙，那就更糟了。
他們都在這里
The warden of the prison felt sorry for one of his inmates because every weekend on Visitor’s Day, most of the prisoners had family members and friends coming, but poor George always sat alone in his cell. So one Visitor’s Day, the warden called George to his office and said, "I notice you’ve never had any visitors, George." Sympathetic, he put his hand on George’s shoulder. "Tell me, don’t you have any friends or family?" George replied, "Oh, sure I do, Warden. It’s just that they’re all in here!"
典獄長(zhǎng)對(duì)獄中一位囚犯深感同情，因?yàn)槊糠曛苣┑奶皆L日，大多數(shù)囚犯都有家人或朋友來(lái)訪，但是可憐的喬治總是孤伶伶地坐在自己的.囚室中。因此在一個(gè)探訪日，典獄長(zhǎng)把喬治叫到辦公室說(shuō)：“喬治，我注意到從來(lái)沒(méi)有人來(lái)探望過(guò)你。”他滿(mǎn)懷同情地把手放在喬治的肩膀上：“告訴我，你沒(méi)有任何朋友或家人嗎?”喬治回答：“喔!當(dāng)然有，典獄長(zhǎng)，只不過(guò)他們?nèi)荚谶@里面!”
狗娘養(yǎng)的
my father, who was 14 years old than my mother, had been working on his will. at a family dinner he told us that he had provided well for mother, but the family home would go to us five children if she remarried.我爸比我媽大14歲，最近一直在寫(xiě)遺囑。一次家宴上，他告訴我們說(shuō)他為母親以后的生活作好了安排，但如果她改嫁的話(huà)，家里的房子將歸我們五個(gè)孩子所有。"i don't want another s.o.b. toasting his shins around my fireplace," he explained.“我可不愿意另外哪個(gè)狗娘養(yǎng)的在我的火爐旁烤他的狗腿，”他解釋道。with a sly grin, mother
cracked, "what makes you think i'd marry another s.o.b?"媽媽狡猾地咧了咧嘴，譏誚道：“你怎么認(rèn)為我會(huì)再嫁給一個(gè)狗娘養(yǎng)的?”
瞎子的判斷
Once there was a blind. One day when he was walking, he
stepped the head of the dog who was sleeping. The dog barked for a while. The blind man went on for miles, this time he stepped the other dog's tail, so this dog barked. The blind man had thought that it was the first dog, so he said in surprise, It's a wonder that the dog is so long.
從前有個(gè)瞎子。一天，他正在行路時(shí)踩著了一只正在睡覺(jué)的狗的腦袋，狗汪汪汪地叫了一陣。這人又往前走，這回踩著的是另外一只狗的尾巴，狗又汪汪汪地叫起來(lái)。瞎子以為還是那條狗，驚詫地說(shuō)：奇怪，這只狗可真夠長(zhǎng)的。
always thirsty 總感到口渴
"i had an operation," said a man to his friend, "and the doctor left a sponge in me."一個(gè)男人對(duì)他的朋友說(shuō)：“我動(dòng)了一次手術(shù)，手術(shù)后醫(yī)生把一塊海綿忘在我的身體里了。”
"that's terrible!" said the friend. "got any pain?"
“真是太糟糕了!”朋友說(shuō)道：“你覺(jué)得疼嗎?”
"no, but i am always thirsty!"
“不疼，可是我總感到口渴!”
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