中國式英語笑話精選

　　狗住旅店

　　A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"

　　有個人給一家他計劃在假期里停留的小旅館寫了封信，“我非常希望帶著我的狗，它很干凈很有教養(yǎng)，你能允許它和我睡一間屋子嗎?”

　　An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."

　　旅館主人立即回了封信，“我經(jīng)營旅館很多年了，狗從沒偷過毛巾，床單， 餐具，或者墻上的畫。我也從沒有在半夜因為狗喝醉胡鬧而趕走它，狗也從不不付帳就跑掉。實際上我們非常歡迎您的狗來我們旅館，如果它為您擔(dān)保，也歡迎您來。

　　《律師、寶馬和胳膊》

　　A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.

　　"Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer!!!", he whined.

　　一個律師打開他的寶馬車門，突然一輛汽車駛過來把門撞飛了，警察趕到現(xiàn)場，律師正痛苦地抱怨毀壞了他心愛的寶馬。

　　“警察同志，看看他們把我的車弄的!!!”律師哀怨地說。

　　"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"

　　“你們律師真是物質(zhì)至上，我很不舒服!”警察反駁說，“你這么關(guān)心你可惡的寶馬，你可能沒有注意到你的左胳膊也沒了。”

　　律師終于注意到了血淋淋的左肩膀，“天哪，我的勞力士手表在哪兒?”

　　The New Teacher

　　George comes from school on the first of September.

　　9月1日， 喬治放學(xué)回到家里。

　　George, how did you like your new teacher? asked his mother.

　　“喬治，你喜歡你們的新老師嗎?” 媽媽問

　　I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too.....

　　“媽媽，我不喜歡，因為她說3加3得6, 可后來又說2加4也得6。”

　　The Fish Net

　　Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?

　　“你能告訴我魚網(wǎng)是什么做的嗎，安?” 老師發(fā)問道。

　　A lot of little holes tied together with strings. replied the little girl.

　　“把許多小孔用繩子栓在一起就成了魚網(wǎng)了。”小女孩回答道。

　　Another 40 Years to live

　　A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live." Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, lip-suction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even had someone come in and change her hair color, figuring since she had so much more time to live, she might as well make the most of it. She got out of the hospital after the last operation and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 Years? "God replied, "I didn't recognize you."

　　一名中年婦女心臟病突發(fā)被送到了醫(yī)院， 在手術(shù)臺上，瀕臨死亡之際，她看到了上帝， 于是，她問上帝是不是她的日子到頭了。 上帝回答說，“還沒有，你還能活43年，2個月零8天。” 身體快要康復(fù)的時候，這名女士想到自己還要活那么多年，得好好對待自己，于是決定先不出院，而是去給自己整整容，吸吸脂，隆隆胸，然后還做了一個腹部拉皮和其它一些美容美體手術(shù)。 她甚至還請人到醫(yī)院里面幫她頭發(fā)給染了。 做完最后一個手術(shù)，這位女士出院了， 但就在過馬路的時候，她被一輛風(fēng)馳電摯趕回醫(yī)院的救護(hù)車給撞死了。 再一次，她又站到了上帝的面前，她大惑不解地問上帝，“我記得你說我還能再活40年?” 上帝回答，“那個時候我沒認(rèn)出你來”。

　　雙語笑話

　　In secondary school, I was always self-conscious about my height.

　　Once I was asked out by a life-guard. I had never really stood next to him and didn't know how tall he was, so the night of the date I took out two pairs of shoes-one with heels, one flat. I arranged with my brother to answer the door, compare his height with my date's and run upstairs to let me know which shoes to wear.

　　When doorbell rang I waited. Then my brother showed up and told me what I didn't want to hear: "Go barefoot."

　　中學(xué)的時候，我對自己的高度非常敏感。

　　一次，一位救生員約我出去。事實上，我從未和他并肩站過，因而不知道他到底有多高。因此約會那晚，我拿出兩雙鞋，一雙高跟，一雙平跟。我安排哥哥去開門，讓他和救生員比比高度，再上樓告訴我應(yīng)穿哪雙鞋。

　　門鈴響了，我在樓上等著。哥哥跑上樓告訴了我一個不幸的消息：“你可以光著腳去約會。”

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