無與倫比的爆笑英語笑話

　　精神病醫(yī)生

　　Jerry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!" "Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." "How much do you charge?" "A hundred dollars per visit." "I'll sleep on it," said Jerry. Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. "For a hundred bucks a visit? The bartender cured me for $10." "Is that so! How?" "He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!"

　　杰瑞去看精神病醫(yī)生。“醫(yī)生，我有些不對勁。每次睡覺的時(shí)候，我都感覺有人在床下。我要瘋了!”“給我一年時(shí)間，”醫(yī)生說，“每周來三次，我會治好你。”“費(fèi)用是多少呢?”“每次一百美元。”“我會認(rèn)真考慮的。”杰瑞答道。六個(gè)月后醫(yī)生和杰瑞在街上相遇了，“為什么你再也沒來呢?”醫(yī)生問。“一次一百塊錢嗎?有個(gè)酒吧服務(wù)生收了十塊錢就把我治好了。”“真的?他怎么做到的?”“他讓我把床腿鋸掉�，F(xiàn)在那沒人了!”

　　死后重生

　　"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied."Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you.

　　“你相信人能死后重生嗎?”老板問他的一個(gè)員工。 “我相信，先生”。這位剛上班不久的'員工回答。 “哦，那還好”。老板接著說。 “你昨天提早下班去參加你祖母的葬禮后，她老人家到這兒看你來了。”

　　有效

　　Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor, the doctor gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well, and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"

　　湯姆早上老起不來，所以上班總是遲到。他的老板非常生氣，警告他如果他不能有所改善的話就炒他的魷魚。于是，湯姆去看醫(yī)生，醫(yī)生給了他一顆藥丸并告訴他要在睡覺前服下這顆藥。湯姆照醫(yī)生的話做了，睡得非常之好，事實(shí)上，他在早上鬧鐘響之前就起來了。湯姆從容不迫地吃完早餐，然后興高采烈地開車上班去了。 “老板”，湯姆說，“那藥真管用，我的睡眠好極了!” “是夠管用的，”老板說，“問題是，昨天你人哪去了”?

　　兩個(gè)笨賊

　　Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first robber said, "I hear sirens. Jump!" The second one said, "But we're on the 13 th floor!" The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious!"

　　兩個(gè)盜賊在一家旅館偷東西。第一個(gè)說：“我聽到警報(bào)響了，快跳吧!” 第二個(gè)說：“但是我們現(xiàn)在在第13層啊!” 第一個(gè)尖叫著回敬他：“都什么時(shí)候了，還這么迷信!”

　　結(jié)婚的花費(fèi)

　　A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"

　　小男孩問他的父親：“爸爸，結(jié)婚要花多少錢?”

　　His father replied, "I don't know, son, because I'm still paying for it now."

　　他的父親回答說：“兒子，我不知道，因?yàn)槲椰F(xiàn)在還在為它付賬呢。”

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