無厘頭英語笑話集

　　在天堂結(jié)婚

　　A young couple was on their way to get married when they had an accident and died. Now they were in front of St. Peter and the young lady asked if they could get married. St. Peter told them, he would have to get back to them with an answer. Around 30 days later St. Peter returns and tells the couple that they can get married in heaven. The young lady then asks St. Peter, “If things just don't work out can we get a divorce?" St. Peter looks at her and replies, " Lady it took me 30 days to find a preacher up here do you really think I am going to find a lawyer?!!"

　　一對年輕的夫婦在去結(jié)婚的路上出了車禍，雙雙死去了。于是，他們來到了圣徒彼得面前，妻子問是否她還可以和丈夫結(jié)婚，圣徒彼得告訴他們，關(guān)于這個問題他一有了結(jié)果就會回來找他們。差不多30天以后，圣徒彼得回來了，并且告訴他們可以在天堂結(jié)婚。妻子又問：“如果生活的不愉快，我們可不可以離婚呢?”圣徒彼得看著她，回答說：“夫人，我花了30天才找到個傳教士，難道你真的希望我再去找個律師嗎?”

　　拿破侖病了

　　Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year."He's a good boy," said Jack's father, "and if you let him pass this time, I'm sure he'll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well.""No, no, that's quite impossible," replied the professor immediately. "Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn't know!""Please, sir, give him another chance," said Jack's father. "You see, I'm afraid we don't take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill."

　　杰克到一所大學去學歷史。第一學期結(jié)束時，歷史課教授沒讓他及格，校讓他退學。然而，杰克的'父親決定去見教授，強烈要求讓杰克繼續(xù)來年的學業(yè)。“他是個好孩子，”杰克的父親說，“您要是讓他這次及格，我相信他明年會有很大進步，學期結(jié)束時，他一定會考好的。”“不，不，那不可能，”教授馬上回答，“你知道嗎?上個月我問他拿破侖什么時候死的，他都不知道。”“先生，請再給他一次機會吧。”杰克的父親說，“你不知道，恐怕是因為我們家沒有訂報紙，我們家的人連拿破侖病了都不知道。”

　　哪有人能彎腰彎那么低的

　　Our manager at the restaurant where I worked was a much beloved, jovial man. But there was one subject you didn't dare discuss in front of him -- his height. or, should I say, his lack of it.One day, he stormed through the door and announced angrily, "Someone just picked my pocket!" Most of my fellow waitresses and I were speechless, except for the one who blurted out, "How could anyone stoop so low?"

　　我們的餐廳經(jīng)理是一位深受大家愛戴，和藹而又快樂的人。但在他面前有一件事不能提--他的身高。或者，我應(yīng)該說，他是有點矮!一天，經(jīng)理怒氣沖沖地撞門而入，高聲說，“有人拿了我的錢包!”

　　我和其她大部女招待都沒敢吱聲，但有人卻蹦出一句話：“哪有人能彎腰彎那么低的啊”!

　　智力缺陷

　　"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Bob asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied, "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." "Well, what sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' " Bob thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."

　　“醫(yī)生，你能不能告訴我，”鮑勃問，“對于一個看上去很正常的人，你是怎樣判斷出他有智力缺陷的呢?”“再沒有比這容易的了，”醫(yī)生回答，“問他一個簡單的問題，簡單到所有人都知道答案，如果他回答得不干脆，那你就知道是怎么回事了。”“那要問什么樣的問題呢?”“嗯，你可以這樣問，‘庫克船長環(huán)球旅行了三次，但是在其中一次的途中他去世了，是哪一次呢?’”鮑勃想了一會兒，緊張的回答道，“你就不能問另外一個問題嗎?坦率地說，我對歷史了解的不是很多。”

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