英式幽默英語(yǔ)笑話匯集
Imitation 模仿
A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach. Well, sit down and eat your tea, said his mother. Your stomach's hurting because it's empty. It'll be all right when you've got something in it.
Shortly afterwards Dad come in from the office, complaining of a headache.
That's because it's empty, said his bright son. You'd be all right if you had something in it.
一個(gè)男孩放學(xué)回家時(shí)，覺(jué)得肚子痛。來(lái)，坐下，吃點(diǎn)點(diǎn)心，媽媽說(shuō)，你肚子痛是因?yàn)槎亲邮强盏�。吃點(diǎn)東西就會(huì)好的。
一會(huì)兒，男孩的爸爸下班回家了，說(shuō)是頭痛。
你頭痛是因?yàn)槟愕哪X袋是空的，他那聰明的兒子說(shuō)，里面裝點(diǎn)東西，就會(huì)好的。
Fried chicken
In class the teacher showed pictures of various birds. Then he asked one of the students, "What kind of bird do you like best, Jack?"
Jack thought a moment, then answered, "Fried chicken, sir."
老師在課堂上向?qū)W生們展示了各種各樣的鳥的照片。然后他問(wèn)其中一名學(xué)生，“杰克，你最喜歡哪種鳥兒啊?”
杰克想了想，回答，“炸雞，老師。”
I've Just Bitten My Tongue
I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "
我剛咬破自己的舌頭
“我們有毒嗎?”一個(gè)年幼的蛇問(wèn)它的母親。
“是的，親愛(ài)的，”她回答說(shuō)，“你問(wèn)這個(gè)干什么?”
“因?yàn)槲覄倓傄谱约旱纳囝^。”
圣誕老人的真實(shí)職業(yè) Santa's True Profession
Do You Know Santa's True Profession?
Consider the following:
1. You never actually see Santa, only his "assistants."
2. Santa keeps his job until he decides to retire.
3. Santa doesn't really do the work; he directs a bunch of helpers to do all his work for him, but he's the one who everybody credits with the work.
4. Santa doesn't work a 40-hour week.
5. Santa travels a lot.
Santa is obviously a senior faculty member with tenure!
圣誕老人的真實(shí)職業(yè)是什么?
考慮以下幾點(diǎn)
1. 你其實(shí)從來(lái)沒(méi)見(jiàn)過(guò)圣誕老人，你看見(jiàn)的都是他得助手(他得助手真的好多，除了過(guò)圣誕節(jié)的所有父母外，還有職業(yè)“圣誕老人”)
2. 圣誕老人不想退休，就可以一直當(dāng)他的圣誕老人。
3. 圣誕老人不會(huì)做實(shí)事，他都是指揮一堆幫手幫他做完所有的事情，但是事情做得好還是不好，功績(jī)和責(zé)任都算圣誕老人的`。
4. 圣誕老人實(shí)行的可不是朝九晚五雙休制。
5. 圣誕老人經(jīng)常旅行
圣誕老人顯然是一個(gè)高級(jí)職員(please, 這世界上還有比他的工作更好的工作嗎?)
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流著血回到家里。他媽媽問(wèn)，“發(fā)生了什么事?”
“一個(gè)男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡說(shuō)。
“再見(jiàn)到他你能認(rèn)出來(lái)嗎?”媽媽問(wèn)。
“他走到哪里我都能認(rèn)出他，”伊凡說(shuō)。“他的耳朵還在我衣兜里呢。”
the woman who loves you most?
One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.
On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out.'The woman who loves
you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield.'
My husband looked up and said, 'Mom's here?'
一天晚上我開(kāi)著丈夫的車去購(gòu)物，回來(lái)后發(fā)現(xiàn)車身沾滿灰塵，于是擦洗了一陣。當(dāng)我終于走進(jìn)屋里時(shí)大聲喊：“世界上最愛(ài)你的女人剛擦洗了你的車燈和擋風(fēng)玻璃。”
我丈夫抬頭看了看，說(shuō)：“媽媽來(lái)了?”
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