爆笑英式英語笑話匯總

　　Is he dying?

　　A man was sitting in a bar with tears streaming down his face. A friend walked in and asked why he was so unhappy. The weeping one said, The doctor has just told me I'll have to take these tablets for the rest of my life.

　　Cheerfully, his friend pointed out that many people have to take tablets every day of their life. Sure, came the reply, but he only gave me ten.

　　一個男人坐在酒吧里痛哭流淚。一個朋友走進來問他為何如此傷心。那人哭著說：剛才醫(yī)生告訴我，在我的余生里都要吃這些藥片。

　　他的朋友很輕松地指出，許多人一輩子每天都要吃藥。當然，男人回答說：但是他只給了我十片。

　　The blonde and the farmer

　　There was a blonde that was so sick of blonde jokes she died her hair red. The jokes stopped and she felt so good, she took a ride in the country one Saturday afternoon. While on this ride, she noticed a flock of sheep and stopped the car to take&n......。

　　一個金發(fā)女郎，是那么惡心的黃色笑話她把頭發(fā)染成紅色。笑話停了下來，她覺得很好，她在農村的一個搭車的星期六下午。而在這旅程，她注意到一群羊，停下車來把......。

　　太晚了 It's Too Late

　　A medical student was called on to state how much of a certain drug he would give to a patient. He promptly replied: "Five grains."

　　A minute later the student asked the professor, "May I correct my answer?" The professor looked at his watch and said: "It's too late. Your patient died thirty seconds ago."

　　一個醫(yī)科學生被要求說明他給病人服的那種藥的用量。他立即回答道：“五粒。”

　　一分鐘后，這個學生問教授：“我可以改正我的回答嗎?”教授看看手表，說：“太晚啦，你的病人已在30秒鐘以前死了。”

　　The Fish Net

　　Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?

　　“你能告訴我魚網是什么做的'嗎，安?” 老師發(fā)問道。

　　A lot of little holes tied together with strings. replied the little girl.

　　“把許多小孔用繩子栓在一起就成了魚網了。”小女孩回答道。

　　Another 40 Years to live

　　A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live." Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, lip-suction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even had someone come in and change her hair color, figuring since she had so much more time to live, she might as well make the most of it. She got out of the hospital after the last operation and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 Years? "God replied, "I didn't recognize you."

　　一名中年婦女心臟病突發(fā)被送到了醫(yī)院， 在手術臺上，瀕臨死亡之際，她看到了上帝， 于是，她問上帝是不是她的日子到頭了。 上帝回答說，“還沒有，你還能活43年，2個月零8天。” 身體快要康復的時候，這名女士想到自己還要活那么多年，得好好對待自己，于是決定先不出院，而是去給自己整整容，吸吸脂，隆隆胸，然后還做了一個腹部拉皮和其它一些美容美體手術。 她甚至還請人到醫(yī)院里面幫她頭發(fā)給染了。 做完最后一個手術，這位女士出院了， 但就在過馬路的時候，她被一輛風馳電摯趕回醫(yī)院的救護車給撞死了。 再一次，她又站到了上帝的面前，她大惑不解地問上帝，“我記得你說我還能再活40年?” 上帝回答，“那個時候我沒認出你來”。

　　雙語笑話

　　In secondary school, I was always self-conscious about my height.

　　Once I was asked out by a life-guard. I had never really stood next to him and didn't know how tall he was, so the night of the date I took out two pairs of shoes-one with heels, one flat. I arranged with my brother to answer the door, compare his height with my date's and run upstairs to let me know which shoes to wear.

　　When doorbell rang I waited. Then my brother showed up and told me what I didn't want to hear: "Go barefoot."

　　中學的時候，我對自己的高度非常敏感。

　　一次，一位救生員約我出去。事實上，我從未和他并肩站過，因而不知道他到底有多高。因此約會那晚，我拿出兩雙鞋，一雙高跟，一雙平跟。我安排哥哥去開門，讓他和救生員比比高度，再上樓告訴我應穿哪雙鞋。

　　門鈴響了，我在樓上等著。哥哥跑上樓告訴了我一個不幸的消息：“你可以光著腳去約會。”

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