英語笑話故事匯集

　　有效

　　Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor, the doctor gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well, and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"

　　湯姆早上老起不來，所以上班總是遲到。他的老板非常生氣，警告他如果他不能有所改善的話就炒他的魷魚。于是，湯姆去看醫(yī)生，醫(yī)生給了他一顆藥丸并告訴他要在睡覺前服下這顆藥。湯姆照醫(yī)生的話做了，睡得非常之好，事實(shí)上，他在早上鬧鐘響之前就起來了。湯姆從容不迫地吃完早餐，然后興高采烈地開車上班去了。 “老板”，湯姆說，“那藥真管用，我的睡眠好極了!” “是夠管用的，”老板說，“問題是，昨天你人哪去了”?

　　她懷孕了嗎?

　　A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the new doctors ... but after 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the first doctor was and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?" The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"

　　有個婦女去看病，為她診治的是一名年輕的醫(yī)生。檢查進(jìn)行了大約四分鐘，她哭著跑了出去，在走廊里面一邊跑一邊大叫著。一位老醫(yī)生攔住了她，問她發(fā)生了什么事，婦女告訴了他事情的經(jīng)過。聽她說完，老醫(yī)生讓她坐在另一間屋子里放松一下，他自己穿過走廊來到新醫(yī)生的辦公室：“你是怎么搞的?特里太太今年63歲，她的四個孩子都成年了，還有7個孫子孫女，可是你居然對她說她懷孕了?”新醫(yī)生繼續(xù)做著他的紀(jì)錄，眼皮都沒抬一下：“她現(xiàn)在還打嗝嗎?”

　　代課教師

　　A substitute teacher was trying to make use of her psychology background. She began her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, please stand up." Right away, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Why do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "I don’t, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

　　代課教師試圖運(yùn)用她的心理學(xué)知識。開始上課時，她說：“誰覺得自己很愚蠢，請站起來。”小約翰馬上站起來了。老師問：“為什么你覺得你很愚蠢呢，小約翰?”“我不覺得我很蠢，只是我不愿意你一個人站在那!”

　　輕率的插話

　　The fine-furniture store where I work has been in business since the 1920s. Recently I received a call from a woman who wanted to replace some chairs from a dining set purchased from us in the 1930s. I assured her we could help and sought the assistance of the office manager. "You'll never believe this one, " I told him." I just got a call from a customer who bought some chairs from us in the 1930s. " Before I could finish repeating her request, he interrupted and said, "Don't tell me she hasn't received them yet!"

　　我所工作的精品家具商店是從20世紀(jì)二十年代以來就營業(yè)的。最近我接到一個婦女的電話。她想換一套餐具中的一些椅子。這套餐具她是在三十年代從我們這兒買的。我向她保證說我們可以幫她的忙，于是我向部門經(jīng)理尋求幫助。“你永遠(yuǎn)也不會相信，”我對他說，“我剛接到一個顧客的電話，她在三十年代從我們這里買了一些椅子。” 我還沒來得及說她的要求，經(jīng)理就打斷了我的話：“你別告訴我她到現(xiàn)在還沒收到貨!”

　　他什么都沒聽到

　　Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. My husband was in all morning. He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh, good," she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages." "What is it?" I asked. "My husband's new hearing aid."

　　我在郵局上班，對于顧客們的.各種情緒早已習(xí)以為常了。所以，有一天當(dāng)一個生氣的顧客氣沖沖地來到我的工作臺時，我還是非常平靜地問她，“有什么問題嗎?”“我早上上街了，”女顧客說，“我回到家的時候，我看到一個卡片，卡片說郵遞員要給我們家送包裹，但沒人在家�？墒俏业恼煞蛘麄�早上都在家啊。他說他什么都沒聽到”。在表示了歉意之后，我把包裹給了她。“噢，太好了”，那位女顧客喜形于色。“我們等這東西都等多少年了!”“是什么好東西?”我問。“我丈夫的新助聽器”。

　　他什么都沒聽到

　　Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. My husband was in all morning. He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh, good," she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages." "What is it?" I asked. "My husband's new hearing aid."

　　我在郵局上班，對于顧客們的各種情緒早已習(xí)以為常了。所以，有一天當(dāng)一個生氣的顧客氣沖沖地來到我的工作臺時，我還是非常平靜地問她，“有什么問題嗎?”“我早上上街了，”女顧客說，“我回到家的時候，我看到一個卡片，卡片說郵遞員要給我們家送包裹，但沒人在家�？墒俏业恼煞蛘麄�早上都在家啊。他說他什么都沒聽到”。在表示了歉意之后，我把包裹給了她。“噢，太好了”，那位女顧客喜形于色。“我們等這東西都等多少年了!”“是什么好東西?”我問。“我丈夫的新助聽器”。

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