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最受讀者歡迎的英語(yǔ)笑話匯總
笑話是指以一句短語(yǔ)或一個(gè)小故事讓說(shuō)話者和聽(tīng)者之間覺(jué)得好笑，或是產(chǎn)生幽默感，另外一個(gè)行動(dòng)（動(dòng)作）型的笑話是以動(dòng)作影響人的視覺(jué)及觀感，而感到好笑。以下是小編收集整理的最受讀者歡迎的英語(yǔ)笑話作文，希望能夠幫助到大家。
最受讀者歡迎的英語(yǔ)笑話1
The doctor lives downstairs醫(yī)生住在樓下
"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."
He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."
“醫(yī)生”她沖進(jìn)屋后大聲說(shuō)道�！拔蚁胱屇闾孤实卣f(shuō)我到底得了什么病�！�
他從頭到腳打量打量她，然后大聲說(shuō)：“太太，我有三件事要對(duì)你說(shuō)。第一，您的體重需要減少大約50磅;第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口紅，您的美貌將會(huì)改變。第三，我是一位畫(huà)家——醫(yī)生住在樓下�！�
它們是從美國(guó)直接帶來(lái)的
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
一位中國(guó)老婦人在美國(guó)看望女兒回來(lái)不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行柜臺(tái)，銀行職員認(rèn)真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假。
這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最后實(shí)在忍耐不住說(shuō)：“相信我，先生，也請(qǐng)你相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的美元，它們是從美國(guó)直接帶來(lái)的�！�
He is really somebody他真是一個(gè)大人物
My uncle has 1000 men under him.
He is really somebody. What does he do?
A maintenance man in a cemetery.
我叔叔下面有1000個(gè)人。
他真是一個(gè)大人物。干什么的?
墓地守墓人。
請(qǐng)把胡子還給我
A man who sold brooms went into a barber’s shop to get shaved. The barber brought one of his brooms. After he had shaved him, he asked for the price of the brooms.
“Two pence,” said the man.
“No, no,” said the barber. “I will give you a penny, and if you don’t think that is enough, you may take your broom back!”
The man took it and asked what he had to pay his shave.
“A penny,” said the barber.
“I will give you a half penny, and if that is not enough, you may put my beard on again.”
一個(gè)賣(mài)掃帚的人去理發(fā)店修面。理發(fā)師從他那里買(mǎi)了一把掃帚。當(dāng)理發(fā)師給他修面后，問(wèn)一下他掃帚的價(jià)格。
買(mǎi)掃帚的人說(shuō)：“兩個(gè)便士�！�
“不，不�！崩戆l(fā)師說(shuō)：“ 我只出一個(gè)便士，如果你認(rèn)為不夠的話，可以把掃帚拿回去�！�
賣(mài)掃帚的人拿回了掃帚，隨后問(wèn)修面要付多少錢(qián)。
“一便士�！崩戆l(fā)師說(shuō)。
賣(mài)掃帚的人說(shuō)：“我給你半個(gè)便士，如果不夠的話，請(qǐng)把我的胡子還給我�！�
相親
After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave.When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.""Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"
和盲約對(duì)象呆了一晚上后，男人再也受不了了。他事先安排了個(gè)朋友給他打電話，這樣他就能借故先離開(kāi)了。當(dāng)他回到桌邊，他垂下眼睛，裝出一副陰沉的表情，說(shuō)：“有個(gè)不幸的消息，我的祖父剛剛?cè)ナ懒恕！薄爸x天謝地!”他的約會(huì)對(duì)象說(shuō)，“如果你的祖父不死，我的祖父就得死了!”
Boss's idea
When my printer's type began to go faint, I called a repair shop where a friendly man told me that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned.
Because the shop charged 50 pounds for such cleanings, he told me, it would be better for me to read the printer's directions and try the job myself.
Pleasantly surprised by his words, I asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"
"Actually it's my boss's idea," the employee replied. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to repair things themselves first."
由于我的打印機(jī)不能打印出清晰的字來(lái)，我就打電話給維修部。電話是一位非常和藹的男人接的，他說(shuō)我的打印機(jī)也許只是需要清理一下。
他還說(shuō)，如果讓維修部清理的話要交50英鎊的清理費(fèi)，讓我最好看看使用手冊(cè)自己試著清理。
當(dāng)時(shí)我真的被他的話感動(dòng)了，就問(wèn)他：“你們老板知道你這樣拒絕生意么?”
“事實(shí)上，這就是我們老板的主意，”雇員答道：“因?yàn)槿绻覀冏層脩粝茸孕行蘩泶蛴C(jī)的話就能掙更多的錢(qián)�！�
Talking on the Telephone
Each Sunday the minister called the children to the front of the church while he told them a story. Once he brought a telephone to better illustrate the idea of prayer.
"You talk to people on the telephone and don't see them on the other end of the line, right?" he began.
The children nodded yes. "Well, talking to God is like talking on the telephone. He's on the other end, but you can't see him. He is listening though."
Just then a little boy piped up and asked, "What's his number?"
每個(gè)星期天牧師都會(huì)把孩子們叫到教堂前面，然后給他們講一個(gè)故事。一天，他為了更好地闡述祈禱的含義，帶來(lái)了一臺(tái)電話機(jī)。
“你們和別人在電話里交談，并沒(méi)有看到電話線另一端的人，對(duì)嗎?”他開(kāi)始問(wèn)道。孩子們點(diǎn)頭稱是�！昂玫腵，和上帝交談就象通過(guò)電話交談一樣。他就在另一端，雖然你看不見(jiàn)他，但是他正在聆聽(tīng)你的心聲�！�
就在這時(shí)，一個(gè)小男孩尖著嗓子問(wèn)道：“那他的電話號(hào)碼是什么?”
The Name of a Poet
Our teacher was telling us about a new system of memory training being used in some schools today. It works like this, she said. Suppose you wanted tore member the name of a poetRobert Burns, for instance. She told us to think of him as Bobby Burns. Now get in your head a picture of a London policeman, a bobby in flames. See? Bobby Burns! I see what you mean, said the class know it all. But how can you tell that it's Not Robert Browning?
我們的老師正在給我們介紹現(xiàn)在某些學(xué)校使用的一種新的記憶訓(xùn)練系統(tǒng)。這個(gè)系統(tǒng)是這樣的，她說(shuō)，假定你要記住一個(gè)詩(shī)人的名字，例如，要記住羅伯特·彭斯的名字。她告訴我們把他當(dāng)作博比·彭斯，讓你的腦海里閃現(xiàn)出一個(gè)倫敦警察的形象，燃燒著的警察。明白嗎?警察燃燒! 我明白你的意思，班上的萬(wàn)事通說(shuō)，但是你怎么能說(shuō)那就不是羅伯特·布朗寧呢?
誰(shuí)欠誰(shuí)錢(qián)
A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. Butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely." "Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today." The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. Several days later, the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelope from the lawyer: $250 due for a consultation.
律師的狗，沒(méi)有拴而到處閑逛，它來(lái)到一家肉店，偷走了一塊 烤肉。店主來(lái)到律師的辦公室，問(wèn)道“如果一條沒(méi)栓的狗從我的商店里偷了塊肉，我有權(quán)利從狗的主人那里要回?fù)p失嗎?律師答道：“完全可以”，“那你欠我 8.50美元，你的狗沒(méi)栓而且今天從我的店里頭了塊肉”，律師什么都沒(méi)說(shuō)，馬上給他寫(xiě)了一張支票。一些天后，店主打開(kāi)郵箱，發(fā)現(xiàn)一封來(lái)自律師的信，信上寫(xiě) 道：咨詢費(fèi)250美元。
a King from a Knave
George Ⅲ asked the once wellknown wit, Horne Tooke,whether he could play cards.Your Majesty, replied Tooke, I am a mere childwhere cards are concerned. I cannot even tell a King from a Knave.
喬治三世問(wèn)一度大名鼎鼎的才子霍恩·圖克，會(huì)不會(huì)玩紙牌。陛下，圖克回答說(shuō)：在玩紙牌方面，我只不過(guò)是幼兒園的水平。我甚至分不清國(guó)王和無(wú)賴。
婚禮上有長(zhǎng)官在
A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street. "But officer," the man said, "I can explain.""Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to put you in jail until the chief gets back.""But ,officer, I ….""I said to keep quiet! You are going to jail!"A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "You are lucky because the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back.""Are you sure?" answered the man in the cell. "I'm the groom."
大街上的一個(gè)超速駕駛者被警察攔住了�！暗蔷佟边@個(gè)人說(shuō)道，“我可以解釋的”。“保持安靜”，警察突然說(shuō)道�！拔覍涯闼屯O(jiān)獄，直到長(zhǎng)官回來(lái)�！暗�，警察，我……”�！拔艺f(shuō)過(guò)了保持安靜，你要到監(jiān)獄了�！睅仔r(shí)后，警察向監(jiān)獄里看了看說(shuō)道“算你運(yùn)氣好，因?yàn)槲覀兊拈L(zhǎng)官正在他女兒的婚禮上。他將帶著一個(gè)愉快的心情回來(lái)的�！薄澳愦_定”在牢房里的這個(gè)人說(shuō)道。“我就是新郎呀”。
Goethe's ToleranceGoe
the was once strolling on a narrow path in a park in Weimar. As luck would have it, he met with a critic who was hostile to him. Both of them stopped, staring at each other. Then the critic said, I'll never make way for a fool. But I will, with that Goethe retreated aside.
一次，歌德正在魏瑪一個(gè)公園的一條狹窄小道上散步，碰巧他遇見(jiàn)一個(gè)對(duì)他懷有敵意的評(píng)論家。兩人都停了下來(lái)，彼此相互對(duì)視。接著評(píng)論家說(shuō)道：我從來(lái)不給傻瓜讓路。 可我給，說(shuō)完歌德退到了一邊。
最受讀者歡迎的英語(yǔ)笑話2
Three turtles decided to have a cup of coffee.
三只烏龜決定去喝咖啡。
Just as they got into the cafe, it started to rain.
它們剛到咖啡店的門(mén)口，就下起雨來(lái)。
The biggest turtle said to the smallest one, " Go home and get the umbrella."
于是最大的那只烏龜對(duì)最小的烏龜說(shuō)，“你回家去取傘吧。”
The little turtle replied, "I will, if you don't drink my offee."
最小的`烏龜說(shuō)，“如果你們不把我的咖啡喝了，我就去。”
"We won't," the other two promised.
“我們不喝，”另外兩只烏龜答應(yīng)說(shuō)。
Two years later the big turtle said to the middle turtle, "Well, I guess he isn't coming back, so we might as well drink his coffee."
兩年后，大烏龜對(duì)中烏龜說(shuō)，“好吧，我猜他肯定不回來(lái)了，我們可以把它的咖啡喝掉了�！�
Just then a voice called from outside the door, "If you do, I won't go."
正在這時(shí)，一個(gè)聲音從門(mén)外傳來(lái)，“你們要是喝了，我就不去�！�
最受讀者歡迎的英語(yǔ)笑話3
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-handed, are you?"
一個(gè)聲名狼藉的小氣鬼終于決定要請(qǐng)一次客了。他在向一個(gè)朋友解釋怎么找到他家時(shí)說(shuō)：“你上到五樓，用你的胳膊肘按門(mén)鈴。門(mén)開(kāi)了后，再用你的.腳把門(mén)推開(kāi)�！�
“為什么我要用我的肘和腳呢?”
“天哪!” 吝嗇鬼回答，“你總不會(huì)空著手來(lái)吧?”
最受讀者歡迎的英語(yǔ)笑話4
Midway Tactics
Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.
The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".
中間戰(zhàn)術(shù)
三個(gè)互相爭(zhēng)生意的商店老板在一條商業(yè)街上租用了毗鄰的店鋪。旁觀者等著瞧好戲。
右邊的零售商掛起了巨大的招牌，上書(shū)：“大減價(jià)!”“特便宜!”
左邊的商店掛出了更大的招牌，聲稱：“大砍價(jià)!”“大折扣!”
中間的商人隨后準(zhǔn)備了一個(gè)大招牌，上面只簡(jiǎn)單地寫(xiě)著：“入口處”。
Very Pleased to Meet You
During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.
One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I‘m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.
Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.
Joan went there and said to the matron, "I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys."
"Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.
"Oh, that‘s all right," answered Joan. "I‘m his sister."
"I‘m very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I‘m his mother!"
在第二次世界大戰(zhàn)中，有許多年輕的婦女在軍營(yíng)中服役。瓊.飛利浦斯是其中之一。她在一個(gè)大軍營(yíng)中工作，當(dāng)然遇到了許多男士，包括軍官和士兵。
一天晚上她在舞會(huì)上遇到了軍官漢弗雷斯。他對(duì)她說(shuō)，“我明天就要出國(guó)，但如果我們能夠相互寫(xiě)信，我會(huì)很高興。”瓊同意了，于是他們幾個(gè)月里一直通著信。
后來(lái)，他再?zèng)]有來(lái)信。她收到了另一個(gè)軍官的信，告訴她，他受傷了，住在英格蘭的某個(gè)部隊(duì)醫(yī)院里。
瓊到了醫(yī)院，她對(duì)護(hù)士長(zhǎng)說(shuō)，“我來(lái)看望軍官漢弗雷斯�！�
“這里只有親屬可以探望病人�！弊o(hù)士長(zhǎng)說(shuō)。
“噢，是的，”瓊說(shuō)，“我是他的妹妹�！�
“很高興認(rèn)識(shí)你，”護(hù)士長(zhǎng)說(shuō)，“我是他的母親。”
Two Soldiers
Two soldiers were in camp. The first one‘s name was George, and the second one‘s name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?"
Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him.
Then George said, "Now I haven‘t got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one.
Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?"
Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door.
George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and..." He stopped.
"What do you want now?" Bill said to him.
George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What‘s your girl-friend‘s address?"
軍營(yíng)里有二名士兵，一個(gè)叫喬治，一個(gè)叫比爾。喬治問(wèn)：“比爾，你有信紙、信封嗎?”
比爾說(shuō)：“有。”然后把信紙和信封給了喬治。
喬治又說(shuō)：“我還沒(méi)有筆呢�！北葼栍职炎约旱墓P給了他。喬治開(kāi)始寫(xiě)信。寫(xiě)完后把信放進(jìn)信封里，又問(wèn)：“比爾，你有郵票嗎?”比爾給了他一張。
這時(shí)比爾站起來(lái)，向門(mén)口走去。喬治問(wèn)：“你要出去嗎?”
比爾說(shuō)：“是的'�！彪S即打開(kāi)了門(mén)。
喬治說(shuō)：“請(qǐng)幫我把這封信投進(jìn)辦公室的信箱里，還有...”他停住了。
“你還要什么?”比爾問(wèn)。
喬治看著信封說(shuō)：“你女朋友的地址是-?”
Five Months Older
The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.
But John‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw John‘s papers, he was surprised.
"How old are you?" he said.
"Eighteen, sir," said John.
"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"
"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."
大五個(gè)月
第二次世界大戰(zhàn)開(kāi)始了，約翰想?yún)④�，可他只有十六歲，當(dāng)時(shí)規(guī)定男孩到十八歲才能入伍。所以軍醫(yī)給他進(jìn)行體檢時(shí)，他說(shuō)他已經(jīng)十八歲了。
可約翰的哥哥剛?cè)胛闆](méi)幾天，而且也是這個(gè)軍醫(yī)給他做的檢查。這位醫(yī)生還記得他哥哥的姓。所以當(dāng)他看到約翰的表格時(shí)，感到非常驚奇。
“你多大了?”軍醫(yī)問(wèn)。
“十八，長(zhǎng)官�！奔s翰說(shuō)。
“可你的哥哥也是十八歲，你們是雙胞胎嗎?”
約翰臉紅了，說(shuō)：“哦，不是，長(zhǎng)官，我哥哥比我大五個(gè)月。”
West Point
My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, "to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point."
One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture. They explained, "We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point."
父親、哥哥和我到西點(diǎn)軍校去觀看一場(chǎng)陸軍與波士頓大學(xué)之間的橄欖球賽。開(kāi)始之前，我們到處轉(zhuǎn)了轉(zhuǎn)，碰到許多穿著整齊制服的學(xué)員。幾名游客問(wèn)新兵是否愿意擺出軍姿來(lái)讓他們攝�！昂米屛覀兊膬鹤又溃绻轿鼽c(diǎn)軍校來(lái)學(xué)習(xí)會(huì)得到什么。”
一對(duì)中年夫婦走近一名非常漂亮的女學(xué)員，問(wèn)她是否愿意擺個(gè)姿勢(shì)照相。他們解釋說(shuō)：“我們想讓兒子知道他沒(méi)來(lái)西點(diǎn)軍校錯(cuò)過(guò)了什么�！�
Present for Girlfriend
At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Shall I engrave her name on it?" the jeweler asked.
The customer thought for a moment, and then said, "No-engrave it ‘To my one and only love‘. That way, if we ever break up, I can use it again."
送給女友的禮物
在一家珠寶店里，一位年輕人買(mǎi)了一個(gè)貴重的小金盒作為送給女友的禮物�！耙野阉拿挚淘谏厦鎲�?”珠寶商問(wèn)道。
那名顧客想了一會(huì)兒，然后說(shuō)道：“不--在上面刻‘給我唯一的愛(ài)’。這樣，如果我們鬧崩了，我還可以再用到它�！�
最受讀者歡迎的英語(yǔ)笑話5
A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sum of money was talking to his lawyer.
一個(gè)被告卷入了一樁牽涉大筆資金的訴訟案，他去找他的律師。
A:If I lose this case, I'll be ruined.
如果我輸了這場(chǎng)官司，我就完了。
B:It's in the judge's hand now.
這事掌握在法官的手上。
A:Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?
如果我給法官送一箱雪茄，會(huì)不會(huì)起點(diǎn)作用?
B:Oh.no !This judge is a stickler for ethical behavior.A turu like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hald you in contempt of coun. in fact.you shouldn't even smile ai the judge.
哦.不會(huì)的!這位法官很固執(zhí)，非常注意職業(yè)道德。這種花招只會(huì)讓他對(duì)你產(chǎn)生偏見(jiàn)，他甚至?xí)J(rèn)為你蔑視法庭。事實(shí)上，你甚至都不用對(duì)他微笑。
With in the course of time,the judge wndered a decision in favor of the defendant.As the defendanL leR the counhouae,
最后，法官作了一個(gè)有利于被告的判決，當(dāng)被告離開(kāi)法院時(shí)。
A:Thanks for the tip about the cigars.It worked.
謝謝你關(guān)于雪茄的忠告，這很管用。
B:I'm sure we wodd have lost the caae if you'd sent them.
如果你送了的話，我肯定會(huì)輸?shù)暨@場(chǎng)官司。
A:But did send them.
但是我的確送了。
B:What? You did?!
什么?你送了?!
A:Yes.That's how we won the case.
對(duì)，這就是我們會(huì)贏這場(chǎng)官司的.原因。
B:I don't understand.
我不明白。
A:It's easy.I sent the cigars to the judge,but enclosed the plaintiff's business card.
這很簡(jiǎn)單，我把雪茄送到了法官那里，但是附上了原告的一張名片。
最受讀者歡迎的英語(yǔ)笑話6
On my first day of classes at my university I took a front-row seat in my literature course.
大學(xué)的第一天，文學(xué)課我坐在了前排。
The professor told us we would be responsible for reading five books, and that he would provide us with a list of authors from which we could choose.
教授告訴我們這學(xué)期必須得讀五本書(shū)，他提供我們可供選擇的作者名單。
Then he ambled over to the lectern, took out his class book and began, "Baker, Black, Brooks, Carter, Cook..."
隨后他緩步走上講臺(tái)，拿出課本，“貝克、布萊克、布魯斯、卡特、庫(kù)克…”
I was working feverishly to get down all the names when I felt a tap on my shoulder. The student in back of me whispered, "He's taking attendance."
為了寫(xiě)下所有的`名字，我不得不瘋狂的作著記錄。這時(shí)有人輕輕的拍我肩膀，坐在我后面的學(xué)生悄悄告訴我：“他在點(diǎn)名呢�！�
最受讀者歡迎的英語(yǔ)笑話7
Do You Know My Work?
One night a hotel caught fire， and the people who were staying in it ran out in their nigh clothes. Two men stood outside and looked at the fire.
“Before I came out，” said one，“I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money. People don’t think of money when they’re afraid. When anyone leaves paper money in a fire， the fire burns it. So I took all the bills that I could find.No one will be poorer because I took them.” “You don’t know my work，” said the other. “What is your work?” “I’m a policeman.
“Oh!” cried the first man. He thought quickly and said，“And do you know my work?”“No，”said the policeman. “I’m a writer. I’m always telling stories about things that never happened.”
你知道我是干什么的嗎?
一天晚上，一家旅館失火，住在這家旅館里的人穿著睡 衣就跑了出來(lái)，趣味英語(yǔ)：笑話三則。 兩個(gè)人站在外面，看著大火。
“在我出來(lái)之前，”其中一個(gè)說(shuō)：“我跑進(jìn)一些房間，找到了一大筆錢(qián)。人在恐懼中是不會(huì)想到錢(qián)的。如果有人把紙幣留在火里，火就會(huì)把它燒成灰燼。所以我把我所能找到的鈔票都拿走了。沒(méi)有人會(huì)因?yàn)槲夷米咚鼈兌兊酶F。” “你不知道我是干什么的�！绷硪粋�(gè)說(shuō)。 “你是干什么的?”
“我是警察�！�
“噢!”第一個(gè)人喊了一聲。他靈機(jī)一動(dòng)，說(shuō)：“那你知道我是干什么的.?”“不知道�！本煺f(shuō)。 “我是個(gè)作家。我總是愛(ài)編一些從未發(fā)生過(guò)的故事�！�
Who is the laziest
Father:Well,Jack,I talked with your teacher today .And now I want to ask you a question ,Who is the laziest person inyour class ?
Jack:I don`t know ,father.
Father:Oh,think!When other boys and girls are reading and wirting ,who sits quietly and only watch how other people word?
Jack:Our teacher ,father.
誰(shuí)是最懶惰的
爸爸：杰克，我今天已經(jīng)和你的老師談過(guò)了，現(xiàn)在我想問(wèn)你，誰(shuí)是你們班上最懶的人?
杰克：我不知道，爸爸
爸爸：你再好好想想，當(dāng)別的同學(xué)都在讀書(shū)寫(xiě)字的時(shí)候，誰(shuí)楞在那兒僅僅是看著其他人?
杰克：是我們的老師，爸爸
What Is a Traitor?
Young hopeful：“Father，what is a traitor in politics?”
Father(a veteran politician)：“A traitor is a man who leaves our party and goes over to the other one.”
Young hopeful：“Well then，what is a man who leaves his party and comes over to yours?”
Father：“A convert，my son.”
什么叫叛徒?
有希望的青年人：“父親，什么叫政治叛徒?”
父親(一位老資格的政治家)：“叛徒指的是離開(kāi)我們黨而加入到另一個(gè)黨的人，中小學(xué)英語(yǔ)《趣味英語(yǔ)：笑話三則》�！�
有希望的青年人：“那么，離開(kāi)他的黨而加入到我們黨的人又叫什么呢?”
父親：“叫改變信仰者。我的兒子�！�
最受讀者歡迎的英語(yǔ)笑話8
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
"I think my friend is dead!" he yells. "What can I do?"
The operator says, "Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead."
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, "Okay, now what?"
兩個(gè)獵人在森林里打獵，突然一人暈倒了。他的呼吸停止，眼神呆滯。另外一個(gè)人掏出手機(jī)，撥打911。
“我想我的朋友死了！”他喊道，“我該怎么辦？”
接線員說(shuō)：“請(qǐng)冷靜。首先，請(qǐng)確認(rèn)他是否真的死了�！苯又魂嚦良牛缓笫且宦晿岉��；氐诫娫捴�，獵人接著說(shuō)：“好了，然后呢？”
最受讀者歡迎的`英語(yǔ)笑話9
A small boy and his father were having a walk in the country when it suddenly began to rain very hard． They did not have their umbrella with them， and there was nowhere to hide from the rain， so they were soon very wet， and the small boy did not feel very happy． For a long time while they were walking home through the rain， the boy was thinking． Then at last he turned to his father and said to him，“Why does it rain， Father？ It isn't very nice， is it？” “No， it isn't very nice， but it's very useful，Tom，”answered his father．“It rains to make the fruit and the vegetables grow for us， and to make the grass grow for the cows and sheep．” Tom thought about this for a few seconds， and then he said，“Then，why does it rain on the road too， Father？”
一個(gè)小男孩和他的父親正在鄉(xiāng)間行走，突然下起了大雨。 他們沒(méi)帶傘，加上四下無(wú)處可以躲雨，所以很快他們渾身上下被淋濕了，小男孩感到很不好受。 他們?cè)谟曛谐易呷�，有好一�?huì)兒，那個(gè)男孩一直在思索著什么。后來(lái)終于他朝父親轉(zhuǎn)過(guò)臉去，問(wèn)他說(shuō)：“爸爸，為什么天會(huì)下雨呢？下雨可不太好，是吧？” “是呀，下雨是不太好，可是下雨也有很多有益的'地方，湯姆�！备赣H回答說(shuō)�！袄咸鞝斚掠甏偈沽藶槲覀兯秤玫乃褪卟说纳L(zhǎng)，同樣也促使牛羊所吃的青草的生長(zhǎng)。” 湯姆對(duì)父親的這番話想了一會(huì)，然后說(shuō)：“那么，父親，老天爺為什么還要把雨下在路上呢？”
最受讀者歡迎的英語(yǔ)笑話10
What Are The Two Words？A very nice old lady had a few words to say to her granddaughter．“My dear，” said the old lady，“I wish you would do something for me．I wish you would promise me never to use two words．One is‘lousy’and the other is‘swell’．Would you promise me that？ “Why，sure，Granny，”said the girl．“What are the two words？”
一個(gè)非常高貴的老夫人有幾句話要對(duì)她的孫女說(shuō)�！拔矣H愛(ài)的，”老夫人說(shuō)：“我希望你能幫我一個(gè)忙。我要你答應(yīng)永遠(yuǎn)不要用兩個(gè)詞。一個(gè)是‘討厭的’，另一個(gè)是‘極好的'’。你能答應(yīng)我嗎？” “噢，當(dāng)然，奶奶�！迸⒄f(shuō)：“是哪兩個(gè)詞？”
最受讀者歡迎的英語(yǔ)笑話11
A School-report The father was reading the school-report which had just been handed to him by his hopeful son. His brow was wrathful as he read: "English, poor, French, weak, mathematics, mathematics, Fair," and he gave a glance of disgust at the quaking lad. "Wall, Dad." Said the son, "it is not as good as it might be, but have you seen that?" And he pointed to the next line, which read: "Health excellent."
學(xué)期總結(jié) 父親正在讀兒子剛剛交給他的學(xué)期總結(jié)，他的兒子滿懷希望的看著他，而他則生氣的讀著學(xué)期總結(jié)："英語(yǔ),差;法語(yǔ),中;數(shù)學(xué),良."然后,他厭惡地看著那個(gè)正在抖動(dòng)著身子的小子."恩,老爸."兒子說(shuō):"那沒(méi)有達(dá)到本來(lái)應(yīng)該達(dá)到的.優(yōu)秀水平，不過(guò)你沒(méi)看到那兒?"他指著下一行，讀到："健康狀況，優(yōu)秀。" 鮮艷)
最受讀者歡迎的英語(yǔ)笑話12
who want to go to heaven
The preacher was vexed because a certain member of his congregation always fell asleep during the sermon.
As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon. So, in a whisper, he asked the congregation. "All who want to go to heaven, please rise." Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering "Be seated", the minister shouted at the top of his voiced, "All those who want to be with the devil, please rise."
Awaking with a start , the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit , "Well, sir," he said, "I don't know what we're voting on, but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."
牧師非常生氣，因?yàn)榭傆幸粋�(gè)人在他說(shuō)教時(shí)打瞌睡。
一個(gè)星期天，正當(dāng)坐在前排的那個(gè)人又在瞌睡時(shí)，牧師決定要好好教育他一下，讓他不要再在布道時(shí)睡覺(jué)。于是他低聲對(duì)信徒們說(shuō)：“想去天堂的人，都請(qǐng)站起來(lái)吧�！彼械娜硕颊玖似饋�(lái)——當(dāng)然，除了那個(gè)打瞌睡的`人。在低聲說(shuō)過(guò)請(qǐng)坐后，牧師高聲喊道：“想去下地獄的人請(qǐng)站起來(lái)!”
打瞌睡的人被這突然的喊叫聲驚醒了，他站了起來(lái)�？吹侥翈煾哒驹诮虊�，正生氣的看著他。這個(gè)人說(shuō)道：“噢，先生，我不知道我們?cè)谶x什么，但看上去只有你和我是候選人�！�
最受讀者歡迎的英語(yǔ)笑話13
The Choice of Word選詞
One day, John was back home after work. He found that his wife was shaking their daughter who was only half a year old. She said "Da-Dy" to the baby many times. John felt very happy because he thought his wife chose the word "Dady" to teach their baby.
During one night several weeks later, John and his wife were waken up by the cry "Dady". His wife said to him, "Darling, she is calling you." Then she turned to sleep.
一天下班回家，約翰發(fā)現(xiàn)妻子在搖半歲的女兒，嘴里反復(fù)念道：“爸-爸�！奔s翰心里感到美滋滋的，他的妻子選擇了“爸爸”這個(gè)詞首先教孩子。
幾周后的一天夜里，約翰和妻子被一陣哭聲驚醒了，“爸-爸!”“她在叫你，親愛(ài)的.�！逼拮诱f(shuō)，然后翻身竟自睡了。
最受讀者歡迎的英語(yǔ)笑話14
Dumas仲馬
One day a man was taunting Alexandre Dumas，the greatFrench novelist，with his ancestry. “Why，” snarled the fellow，“you are a quadroon;yourfather was a mulatto，and your grandfather was a negro.” “Yes，” roared Dumas，“and，if you wish to know'mygreatgrandfather was a monkey. In fact， my pedigree beganwhere yours terminates.”
有一天，一個(gè)人在嘲弄法國(guó)大小說(shuō)家亞歷山大·仲馬，譏笑他的祖先。 那家伙厲聲說(shuō)：“唔，你是四分之一黑白混血兒，你父親是黑白混血兒，而你的祖父是個(gè)黑人�！� “是的，”仲馬大聲回敬：“還有呢，如果你想知道的.話， 我的曾祖父是一只猴子。其實(shí)我的血統(tǒng)起始于你的血統(tǒng)終止的地方�！�
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