幽默英語笑話「附中文」

時(shí)間：2020-10-02 10:48:52 英語笑話我要投稿

幽默英語笑話「附中文」

　　●喂狗 For the Dog

幽默英語笑話「附中文」

　　The family seated in a restaurant had finished their dinner when Father Called over the waiter.

　　"My son has left quite a lot of meat on his plate," explained Father, "Could you give me a bag so that I can take it home for the dog?"

　　"Gosh, Dad!" exclaimed the excited boy. "Have we got a dog then?"

　　一家人在飯館里吃過晚飯，父親把服務(wù)生叫了過來。

　　”先生，什么事?“服務(wù)生問。

　　”我兒子的盤子里剩下許多肉，“父親說，”能給我們一個(gè)袋子嗎?我把剩下的東西帶回去喂狗。“

　　”啊呀，爸爸!“兒子激動(dòng)地叫喊著。”咱家養(yǎng)狗了嗎?“

　　●腦移植 A Brain Transplant

　　The Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant.

　　"You have your choice of two brains," he told the patient, "For $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for $10,000 you can have the brain of a politician."

　　The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price. "Is the brain of a politician that much better?" he asked.

　　The Brain Surgeon replied, "No, it’s not better, just unused."

　　一個(gè)外科醫(yī)生正要作一個(gè)腦移植手術(shù)。

　　“你可以從兩個(gè)腦子中選一個(gè)給你。”醫(yī)生告訴病人，“一個(gè)心理學(xué)家的大腦1000美元，一個(gè)政治家的大腦10000美元。

　　病人很驚訝二者之間這樣大的差別，“政治家的大腦好一些嗎?”他問。

　　醫(yī)生說：“不是好一些，只是沒有用過。”

　　●最丑的孩子

　　A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

　　一位女士抱著她的寶寶上公交車，司機(jī)看到后說：“額，那是我這輩子見過的最丑的小孩。”

　　The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

　　女士走到車廂后面坐下，感到很憤怒。她對(duì)旁邊的男士說：“司機(jī)剛剛羞辱了我。”男士回應(yīng)說：“你快上去斥責(zé)他。去吧，我替你抱著你的猴子。”

　　●我娶了你的姐妹

　　A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.

　　一位婦人發(fā)現(xiàn)丈夫回家的時(shí)候總是爛醉如泥，她決定為丈夫治好這個(gè)毛病。一個(gè)萬圣節(jié)夜里，她穿上一套魔鬼戲服，躲在樹后，準(zhǔn)備在丈夫返家時(shí)攔截他的去路。

　　When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.

　　當(dāng)丈夫走近時(shí)，她從樹后跳出來，站到他面前，頭上帶著紅色的羊角、身后有長(zhǎng)長(zhǎng)的尾巴，手中握著鋼叉。

　　"Who are you?" he asked.

　　“你是誰?”丈夫問到。

　　"I'm the Devil!" she responded.

　　“我是魔鬼!”她回答到。

　　"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister!"

　　“噢，那你跟我一起回家吧，”丈夫說，“我娶了你的姐妹!”

　　●小女孩的愿望

　　On the way home after watching a ballet performance, the kindergarten teacher asked her students what they thought of it. The smallest girl in the class said she wished the dancers were taller so that they would not have to stand on their toes all the time.

　　在觀看完芭蕾舞表演回家的路上，幼兒園老師問學(xué)生的觀后感。班上最小的女孩說，她希望舞蹈演員可以長(zhǎng)得更高一點(diǎn)兒，那么他們就不用整天踮著腳尖了。

　　●狗也知道這個(gè)諺語嗎?

　　The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.

　　"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"

　　"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"

　　一個(gè)小男孩非常不喜歡狗狂叫的樣子。

　　“沒有關(guān)系，”一位先生“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道嗎?”

　　●不是我的錯(cuò)

　　It's not my fault

　　Mother (reprimanding訓(xùn)斥，譴責(zé) her small daughter): You mustn't pull the cat's tail.

　　Daughter: I'm only holding it, Mom. The cat's doing the pulling.

　　●不是我的錯(cuò)

　　媽媽(正教訓(xùn)她的`女兒)：你不該拽貓的尾巴。

　　女兒：媽，我只是握著貓尾巴，它自己在拽。

　　●父親在哪?

　　Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

　　"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"

　　"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"

　　The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."

　　兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫。

　　“看，”哥哥說，“這些畫多漂亮呀!”

　　“是啊，”弟弟說道，“可是在所有這些畫中，只有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢?”

　　哥哥想了一會(huì)兒，然后解釋道：“很明顯，他當(dāng)時(shí)正在畫這些畫唄。”

　　●兩塊蛋糕

　　Two Pieces of Cake

　　Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please?

　　Mom: Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two!

　　兩塊蛋糕

　　湯姆：媽媽，我可以吃兩塊蛋糕嗎?

　　媽媽：當(dāng)然可以----拿這塊蛋糕把它切成兩塊吧!

　　●I do not recognize you

　　Walking on the beach one day he saw a crab1, went to see what happens, suddenly crab pincers(鉗子) folder2, then crab bush run. Tiger jumped the pain, followed by the recovery of crabs3!

　　Catch up with no trees on the crab, and then to see a tiger in Shou Network spiders, tiger angry at Spider: Good you a crab! Do you think you posted on the Web and I do not recognize you!

　　一天老虎在沙灘散步，見到一只螃蟹，就走過去想看個(gè)究竟，突然被螃蟹的鉗子夾了一下，螃蟹拔腿就往樹叢里跑。老虎痛得跳起來了，緊接著就追螃蟹!

　　追到樹叢就不見螃蟹了，這時(shí)老虎看見一只守在大網(wǎng)中的蜘蛛，老虎對(duì)著蜘蛛發(fā)火了：好你個(gè)螃蟹!你以為你上了網(wǎng)我就不認(rèn)得你了!

　　●A Smart Parrot 聰明的鸚鵡

　　A curious guy goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. There he sees a parrot with a red string tied to its left leg and a green string tied to it's right leg. He asks the owner the significance of the strings1. "Well, this is a highly trained parrot. If you pull the red string he speaks French; if you pull the green string he speaks German," replies the shop keeper.

　　"And what happens if I pull both the strings?" our curious shopper inquires.

　　"I fall off my perch2 you fool!!" screeches3 the parrot.

　　有個(gè)人去寵物店買鸚鵡。在那里，他看見有只鸚鵡的左腿被紅線系住，右腿則被綠線系住。對(duì)此他感到不解，于是他問該店的老板，老板回答說：“這只鸚鵡受過特殊的訓(xùn)練。如果拉紅線，它就講法語，拉綠線，它則講德語。”

　　這個(gè)好奇的人接著問，“要是我兩條線都拉，會(huì)怎么樣呢?”

　　“我就會(huì)掉下來了，你這個(gè)傻瓜!!”鸚鵡尖叫著說。

　　●Not so fast 別那么急嘛

　　A pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a gala(歡慶的) charity event was taking place.

　　Getting caught up in the spirit, the pig suggested to the chicken that they each make a contribution.

　　"Great idea!" the chicken cried."Let's offer hem1 ham and eggs?"

　　"Not so fast," said the pig testily2. "For you, that's a contribution. For me, it's a total commitment."

　　一只豬和一只雞路過一所教堂，那里有一場(chǎng)盛大慈善活動(dòng)正在進(jìn)行著。

　　在精神上收到觸動(dòng)的豬向小雞提出建議：他們每個(gè)人作出點(diǎn)自己的貢獻(xiàn)。