最受讀者歡迎的英語(yǔ)笑話大全
Coins in American Currency 美國(guó)的硬幣
There are 100 cents in a dollar. Coins come in the following denominations: $.01 or 1 cent (a penny,a cent, one cent), $.05 or 5 cents (a nickel, five cents),$.1 or 10 cents (a dime, ten cents), $.25 or 25 cents(a quarter, two bits, twenty-five cents), and $.50 or50 cents (a fifty-cent piece).
Coins are called "change", "small change", or"silver" though they aren’t made of silver anymore.
Coins are generally recognized by their size, butsomebody "goofed" on the dime, which is smaller than either a nickel or a penny. All the others are in size order.
One more word for you: don’t hold out your hand with either bills or coins and expect someone to take the correct change from you. That cannot be done in any Western country.一美元中有一百美分。硬幣是按下列幣值鑄造的：一美分，五美分，十美分，二十五美分，五十美分。
硬幣也叫"零錢(qián)"，"小錢(qián)"，或"銀幣"，雖然它們不再是用銀子鑄成的�？偟恼f(shuō)來(lái)，硬幣是通過(guò)大小來(lái)識(shí)別的，但總有人把十美分搞錯(cuò)，它比五美分和一美分都要小。其他的都按幣值的大小順序排列。
還有一點(diǎn)要說(shuō)明：你不能伸出手，托出一把紙幣和硬幣而希望別人從你那里拿走數(shù)目正確的零錢(qián)。這在任何西方國(guó)家都是不好的。
Now We Run 現(xiàn)在我們跑吧
A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy’s efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy’s position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow, places his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder and gives the doorbell a sold ring. Crouching down to the child’s level, the priest smiles and asks, "And now what, my little man?" The boy replies, "Now we run!"
一個(gè)牧師正沿著街走路，這時(shí)他看到街對(duì)面有個(gè)小男孩正試圖按一所房子的門(mén)鈴。但這個(gè)小孩太小了，門(mén)鈴又高，他夠不著�？吹侥莻�(gè)小男孩費(fèi)了很多勁，牧師走近了他。牧師優(yōu)雅地穿過(guò)馬路，走到小家伙的背后，輕輕地把手放在小男孩肩頭，按響了門(mén)鈴。他彎下身子，微笑著問(wèn)道：“接下來(lái)怎么辦，孩子?”小男孩回答說(shuō)：“接下來(lái)我們跑。”
We Left Nothing 我們什么也沒(méi)留下
Mrs Brown was going out for the day. She
locked the house and tacked a note for the milkman
on the door: "NOBODY HOME. DON’T LEAVE ANYTHING."
When she got back that night, she found her door broken open and her house ransacked. On the note she had left, she found the following message added:
"THANKS! WE HAVEN’T LEFT ANYTHING!"
布朗太太要外出一天。 她鎖好了房門(mén)，在門(mén)上給送牛奶的人釘了一張便條：“家里沒(méi)人，請(qǐng)不要留下任何東西!” 她當(dāng)天晚上回家后發(fā)現(xiàn)房間門(mén)被撞開(kāi)，房子被洗劫一空。在她留給送奶人的便條上，她發(fā)現(xiàn)被補(bǔ)充了一句：“謝謝!我們什么也沒(méi)留下!”
你以為你是誰(shuí)?Who do you think you are?
The bus was crowded, and as one more man tried to get on, the passengers wouldn’t let him aboard.
“It is too crowded, “they shouted.” who do you think you are?”
“I am the driver.” he said.
公共汽車上很擠，當(dāng)又一個(gè)人還是試圖上車時(shí)，乘客們不讓他上。
“車上太擠了，”他們喊道，“你以為你是誰(shuí)?”
“我是司機(jī)!”他說(shuō)。
瘋?cè)嗽?The Looney Bin
Late one night at the insane asylum (瘋?cè)嗽?one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!”Another one said, "How do you know?"
The first inmate said, "God told me!"
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"
一天晚上，在瘋?cè)嗽豪�，一個(gè)病人說(shuō)：“我是拿破侖!”另一個(gè)說(shuō)：“你怎么知道?”第一個(gè)人說(shuō)：“上帝對(duì)我說(shuō)的`!”一會(huì)兒，一個(gè)聲音從另一個(gè)房間傳來(lái)：“我沒(méi)說(shuō)!”
我要做的一切就是付錢(qián)!All I do is pay
"My family is just like a nation," Mr. Brown told his colleague. "My
wife is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war,
and my daughter is foreign secretary."
"Sounds interesting, " his colleague replied. "And what is your
position?"
"I’m the people. All I do is pay."
布朗先生告訴同事說(shuō)：“我的家簡(jiǎn)直就象一個(gè)國(guó)家一樣。我妻子
是財(cái)政部長(zhǎng)。我岳母是作戰(zhàn)部長(zhǎng)，我女兒是外交秘書(shū)。”
“聽(tīng)上去挺有意思的，”他的同事說(shuō)，“那你的職務(wù)是什么呢?”
“我就是老百姓。我要做的一切就是付錢(qián)。”
喂狗 For the Dog
The family seated in a restaurant had finished their dinner when Father Called over the waiter.
"My son has left quite a lot of meat on his plate," explained Father, "Could you give me a bag so that I can take it home for the dog?"
"Gosh, Dad!" exclaimed the excited boy. "Have we got a dog then?"
一家人在飯館里吃過(guò)晚飯，父親把服務(wù)生叫了過(guò)來(lái)。
”先生，什么事?“服務(wù)生問(wèn)。
”我兒子的盤(pán)子里剩下許多肉，“父親說(shuō)，”能給我們一個(gè)袋子嗎?我把剩下的東西帶回去喂狗。“
”啊呀，爸爸!“兒子激動(dòng)地叫喊著。”咱家養(yǎng)狗了嗎?“
腦移植 A Brain Transplant
The Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant.
"You have your choice of two brains," he told the patient, "For $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for $10,000 you can have the brain of a politician."
The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price. "Is the brain of a politician that much better?" he asked.
The Brain Surgeon replied, "No, it’s not better, just unused."
一個(gè)外科醫(yī)生正要作一個(gè)腦移植手術(shù)。
“你可以從兩個(gè)腦子中選一個(gè)給你。”醫(yī)生告訴病人，“一個(gè)心理學(xué)家的大腦1000美元，一個(gè)政治家的大腦10000美元。
病人很驚訝二者之間這樣大的差別，“政治家的大腦好一些嗎?”他問(wèn)。
醫(yī)生說(shuō)：“不是好一些，只是沒(méi)有用過(guò)。”
最丑的孩子
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."
一位女士抱著她的寶寶上公交車，司機(jī)看到后說(shuō)：“額，那是我這輩子見(jiàn)過(guò)的最丑的小孩。”
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
女士走到車廂后面坐下，感到很憤怒。她對(duì)旁邊的男士說(shuō)：“司機(jī)剛剛羞辱了我。”男士回應(yīng)說(shuō)：“你快上去斥責(zé)他。去吧，我替你抱著你的猴子。”
我娶了你的姐妹
A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.
一位婦人發(fā)現(xiàn)丈夫回家的時(shí)候總是爛醉如泥，她決定為丈夫治好這個(gè)毛病。一個(gè)萬(wàn)圣節(jié)夜里，她穿上一套魔鬼戲服，躲在樹(shù)后，準(zhǔn)備在丈夫返家時(shí)攔截他的去路。
When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.
當(dāng)丈夫走近時(shí)，她從樹(shù)后跳出來(lái)，站到他面前，頭上帶著紅色的羊角、身后有長(zhǎng)長(zhǎng)的尾巴，手中握著鋼叉。
"Who are you?" he asked.
“你是誰(shuí)?”丈夫問(wèn)到。
"I'm the Devil!" she responded.
“我是魔鬼!”她回答到。
"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister!"
“噢，那你跟我一起回家吧，”丈夫說(shuō)，“我娶了你的姐妹!”
小女孩的愿望
On the way home after watching a ballet performance, the kindergarten teacher asked her students what they thought of it. The smallest girl in the class said she wished the dancers were taller so that they would not have to stand on their toes all the time.
在觀看完芭蕾舞表演回家的路上，幼兒園老師問(wèn)學(xué)生的觀后感。班上最小的女孩說(shuō)，她希望舞蹈演員可以長(zhǎng)得更高一點(diǎn)兒，那么他們就不用整天踮著腳尖了。
狗也知道這個(gè)諺語(yǔ)嗎?
The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.
"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"
"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"
一個(gè)小男孩非常不喜歡狗狂叫的樣子。
“沒(méi)有關(guān)系，”一位先生“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道嗎?”
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