精選爆笑兒童英語笑話11則
1、One day a visitor from the citycame to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farmslooked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw afarmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that thepig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer,"I see that your pig likes apples, but isn't that quite a waste oftime?" The farmer replied," What's time to a pig?"
一天，有一個城市里的游客來到一個小鄉(xiāng)村，在鄉(xiāng)間路上開著車，想看看農(nóng)莊是什么樣子，也想看看農(nóng)夫怎樣種田過日子。這位城里人看見一位農(nóng)夫在宅后的草地上，手中抱著一頭豬，并把它舉得高高的，好讓它能夠吃到樹上的蘋果。城里人對農(nóng)夫說，"我看你的豬挺喜歡吃蘋果的，但是，這不是很浪費時間嗎?"那位農(nóng)夫回答說，"時間對豬有什么意義?"
2、TheLooney Bin
Late one night at the insane asylum (瘋?cè)嗽?oneinmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!”
Anotherone said, "How do you know?"
The first inmate said, "God told me!"
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I didnot!"
瘋?cè)嗽?/p>
一天晚上，在瘋?cè)嗽豪�，一個病人說：“我是拿破侖!”
另一個說：“你怎么知道?”
第一個人說：“上帝對我說的!”
一會兒，一個聲音從另一個房間傳來：“我沒說!”
Notes:
(1)Looney (俚語)瘋子
(2)inmate (n.同住者, 同室者(特指在醫(yī)院、監(jiān)獄))
(3)insane asylum (瘋?cè)嗽?
3、Boxing andRunning
Dan is teaching his son how to box. As he does so, he lefthis friend, "This is a tough world, so I’m teaching my boy to fight."
Friend: "But suppose he comes up against someone muchbigger than he is, who’s also been taught how to box."
Dan: "I’m teaching him how to run, too."
拳擊和賽跑
丹在教他的兒子怎樣拳擊。他告訴他的朋友：“這是一個粗暴的世界，所以我要教我的兒子怎么去拼搏。”
朋友：“如果他碰上的對手是一個比他高大，健壯而且也會拳擊的人怎么辦?”
丹：“我也會教他怎么樣賽跑呢。”
Note：
come up against 遇到一個對手 against表示相對的相反的
4、為什么六怕七呢?
Q: Why was six scared of seven?
A: Because seven "ate" nine.
問題：為什么六怕七呢?
回答：因為七連九都能吃掉呢!
笑點是神馬?
小沃回答：本應該是seven eight nine, 但是利用了發(fā)音相同，將eight用ate(吃)替換掉了，你看懂了么?
5、用“beans(豆子)”造句
A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."
一名老師讓學生們利用單詞“beans(豆子)”造句，其中一個女孩說“我爸爸種豆子”。另外一個同學說“我媽媽炒豆子”。第三名學生說“我們是人類”。
笑點是神馬?小沃回答：是不是看漢語的時候。不知道笑話在講神馬!!這就是中英文的差異了，老師讓用的單詞是beans(豆子的意思)，結(jié)果嘞，第三個學生呢，他將beings 和 beans 搞混了(因為發(fā)音相同啦)，正確的寫法應該是human beings， 而不是human beans呀!
6、Two Pieces of Cake 兩塊蛋糕
Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please?
Mom: Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two!
兩塊蛋糕
湯姆：媽媽，我可以吃兩塊蛋糕嗎?
媽媽：當然可以----拿這塊蛋糕把它切成兩塊吧!
7、Where's the father? 父親在哪?
Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."
兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫。
“看，”哥哥說，“這些畫多漂亮呀!”
“是啊，”弟弟說道，“可是在所有這些畫中，只有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢?”
哥哥想了一會兒，然后解釋道：“很明顯，他當時正在畫這些畫唄。”
8、A Girl's Wish 小女孩的愿望
On the way home after watching a ballet performance, the kindergarten teacher asked her students what they thought of it. The smallest girl in the class said she wished the dancers were taller so that they would not have to stand on their toes all the time.
在觀看完芭蕾舞表演回家的路上，幼兒園老師問學生的觀后感。班上最小的女孩說，她希望舞蹈演員可以長得更高一點兒，那么他們就不用整天踮著腳尖了。
9、what do I get 我能得到什么
Teacher: If I cut a beefsteak in half and then cut the half in half, what do I get?Tommy: Quarters.Teacher: And then if I cut it twice again?Tommy: Hamburger.
老師：如果我把一塊牛排切成兩半的兩半，我能得到幾塊兒?湯米：四塊。老師：那我要是再切兩次，我能得到什么呢?湯米：漢堡。
10、I Taught the Teacher 我教老師
Mother asked her little boy, Darling, what did the teacher teach you today?
Nothing, Mum, answered the son proundly, instead, she asked me how much one plus two was, and I told her three.
母親問她年幼的兒子：寶貝，今天老師教了你些什么?
兒子驕傲地說：什么都沒教，媽媽。她反倒問我一加二等于幾，我告訴她等于三。
11、One real man 一個真正的男子漢
The ruler of an ancient kingdom wanted to disprove the statement that the men of his domain were ruled by their wives. He had all the males in his kingdom brought before him and warned that any man who did not tell the truth would be punished severely(嚴格地，嚴厲地).
Then he asked all the men who obeyed their wives' directions and counsel(勸告，建議) to step to the left side of the hall. All the men did so but one little man who moved to the right.
It's good to see, said the king, that we have one real man in the kingdom. Tell thesechickenhearted(膽小的) dunces(傻瓜) why you alone among them stand on the right side of the hall.
Your Majesty, came the reply in a squealing voice, it is because before I left home my wife told me to keep out of crowds.
古代有一個國王，他想證明他領土內(nèi)的'男人并非像人們傳說的那樣，受到老婆的管制。他把王國里所有的男人都召到跟前，警告說，哪個男人膽敢不說實話，就會受到嚴厲的懲罰。
然后，他叫所有聽從妻子的命令和意見的男人都走向大廳的左側(cè)。所有的男人都站到了左側(cè)，只有一個小個子男人站到了右側(cè)。
國王說：看到我們國家里還有一個真正的男子漢，真是令人高興。告訴這些膽小的笨蛋，為什么在他們當中只有你一個人站在大廳的右側(cè)。
陛下，那人尖聲地回答：因為在我出門之前，我老婆告訴我不要扎堆
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