英文笑話精選5則「經(jīng)典」

　　愛因斯坦與上帝

　　Einstein climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord..."God, what does a million years mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A minute." "Einstein asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A penny." Einstein asks, "Can I have a penny?" The Lord replies, "In a minute."

　　愛因斯坦登上西奈山與上帝近距離交談。仰望著上帝，他問道：“神啊，一百萬年對(duì)于你來說相當(dāng)于什么呢?”上帝回答：“一分鐘。”愛因斯坦問：“一百萬元對(duì)于你來說又相當(dāng)于什么呢?”上帝回答：“一分錢。”愛因斯坦問：“能給我一分錢嗎?”上帝說：“請(qǐng)等一分鐘。”

　　勇敢的豬的下場

　　I lived in DC when I was young, and dad used to take us on weekend trips south into the Carolina, so that we could see what "real life" was like. He’d just drive along the road for a while, and then pull over at some farm and start talking to the people there.

　　Dad was chatting up a farmer’s wife once，when I discovered this pig...

　　It was a nice pig. But it only had three legs. The right back leg was wooden! Well, I was as curious as could be, so I asked the farmer:"Excuse me, sir. Why does your pig have a wooden leg?"

　　"Well, boy. That is a courageous pig. The wife and me were asleep in the house one night, when that pig came running in and woke us up. The whole place was ablaze. We just got out alive."

　　"And the pig got its leg burned up in the fire?"

　　"Nope. Pig got out just fine. Matter of fact, he even went back in and saved the kids."

　　"Then why does the pig have a wooden leg?"

　　"I told you, boy. That is a BRAVE pig! A heroic pig! That pig saved our lives!"

　　"Yes, sir. But why does he have a wooden leg!"

　　"Boy, a pig like that, you don’t eat all in one sitting!"

　　我小的時(shí)候生活在華盛頓。到了周末，爸爸常常帶我們到南部的卡羅萊納州去玩。正是在那里我們看到了什么是“真正的生活”。爸爸會(huì)沿路開一會(huì)兒車，然后把車停在路邊，找農(nóng)場里的人聊聊天。

　　正當(dāng)爸爸和一個(gè)農(nóng)婦聊天時(shí)，我發(fā)現(xiàn)了這只豬……

　　那只豬很漂亮，可只有三條腿，右后腿還是用木頭做的!我對(duì)這點(diǎn)很好奇。于是就問那個(gè)農(nóng)民：“先生，為什么你的豬有一只木頭腿啊?”

　　“是這樣的，孩子。這是一只勇敢的豬。有天晚上，我和妻子正在房里睡覺時(shí)，這只豬跑進(jìn)來叫醒了我們，我們才知道房子著火了。我們立刻跑了出去，才保住了性命。”

　　“這只豬的腿是在那場火災(zāi)中燒壞的嗎?”

　　“不是的，它完好無損地跑了出去。實(shí)際上，它甚至還跑了回去，把我們的孩子也救了出來。”

　　“那為何這只豬會(huì)有一只木頭腿呢?”

　　“我已經(jīng)告訴你了，孩子。那是只勇敢的豬!一只英勇的豬!它救了我們?nèi)�家人的性�?”

　　“是的，先生�？墒菫楹嗡�有只木頭腿呢?”

　　“孩子，像這樣的豬，我們是不舍得一次就把它吃光的!”

　　吠狗不咬人

　　The little girl did not like the look of the barking dog.

　　"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"

　　"Ah, yes," answered the little girl. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"

　　一個(gè)小女孩非常不喜歡狗狂叫的樣子。

　　“沒有關(guān)系，”一位先生說，“不用害怕，你知道這條諺語嗎：‘吠狗不咬人。’”

　　“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道嗎?”

　　倒霉的螞蟻

　　Once there was a golfer whose ball landed on an anthill(蟻冢).

　　Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty

　　swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything moved

　　but the golf ball. It sat on the same spot.

　　So he tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand ants went flying again. The

　　golf ball didn't even wiggle.

　　Two ants survived. One dazed ant said to the other. "Whoa! What are we going to

　　do?"

　　Said the other ant, "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get on the ball."

　　從前有個(gè)高爾夫球手，他把球打到了一座蟻丘上。

　　他沒有移動(dòng)球的位置，而是決定就地?fù)羟�。于是他使勁一揮球桿，塵土和著螞蟻，四處飛揚(yáng)

　　。所有的東西都動(dòng)了，除了那只球，它呆在原地，一動(dòng)沒動(dòng)。

　　于是，他準(zhǔn)備再次出擊。又是一陣塵土飛揚(yáng)，螞蟻們也再次跟著遭殃。而高爾夫球還是紋絲

　　不動(dòng)。

　　兩只螞蟻幸免于難，一只暈暈乎乎地對(duì)另一只說：“哇，我們?cè)趺崔k啊?”

　　另一只螞蟻說：“我不知道你怎么想，但是我準(zhǔn)備爬到那只球上去。”

　　第一次坐飛機(jī)

　　First Flight

　　Mr. Johnson had never been up in an aerophane before and he had read a lot about air accidents, so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own small phane, Mr. Johnson was very worried about accepting. Finally, however, his friend persuaded him that it was very safe, and Mr. Johnson boarded the plane.

　　His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport. Mr. Johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes.

　　After a minute or two he opened them again, looked out of the window of the plane, and said to his friend, "Look at those people down there. They look as small as ants, don't they?"

　　"Those are ants," answered his friend. "We're still on the ground."

　　第一次坐飛機(jī)

　　約翰遜先生從前未乘過飛機(jī)，他讀過許多關(guān)于飛行事故的報(bào)道。所以，有一天一位朋友邀請(qǐng)他乘自己的小飛機(jī)飛行時(shí)，約翰遜先生非常擔(dān)心，不敢接受。不過，由于朋友不斷保證說飛行是很安全的，約翰遜先生終于被說服了，登上了飛機(jī)。

　　他的朋友啟動(dòng)引擎開始在機(jī)場跑道上滑行。約翰遜先生聽說飛行中最危險(xiǎn)的是起飛與降落，所以他嚇得緊閉雙眼。

　　過了一兩分鐘，他睜開雙眼朝窗外望去，接著對(duì)朋友說道：“看下面那些人，他們看起來就象螞蟻一樣小，是不是?”

　　“那些就是螞蟻，”他的朋友答道，“我們還在地面上。”

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