精選3個搞笑英語笑話

　　釘子還是蒼蠅?A Nail Or A Fly?

　　An old gentleman whose eyesight was failing came to stay in a hotel room with a bottle of wine in each hand. On the wall there was a fly which he took for a nail. So the moment he hung them on, the bottles fell broken and the wine spilt all over the floor.

　　When a waitress discovered what had happened, she showed deep sympathy(同情) for him and decided to do him a favour.

　　So the next morning when he was out taking a walk in the roof garden, she hammered a nail exactly where the fly had stayed.

　　Now the old man entered his room. The smell of the spilt wine reminded him of the accident. When he looked up at the wall, he found the fly was there again! He walked to it carefully andslapped(拍擊) it with all his strength.

　　On hearing a loud cry, the kind-hearted waitress rushed in. To her great surprise, the poor old man was there sitting on the floor, his teeth clenched(緊握的) and his right hand bleeding!

　　一位視力正在衰退的老紳士住進了一家旅館的客房。他雙手各拿一瓶酒。在墻上有只蒼蠅，他誤以為是枚釘子。他把兩只瓶子朝上一掛，瓶子掉下來摔碎了，酒灑了一地。

　　一個女服務(wù)員發(fā)現(xiàn)發(fā)生的事情以后，對他深表同情，決定幫他個忙。

　　于是，第二天早上他到樓頂花園散步時，她把一枚釘子釘在了蒼蠅停過的地方。

　　這里，老人回到了房里。倒灑的酒味讓他想起了那件事。他抬頭往墻上一看，蒼蠅又停在了那兒!他輕手輕腳地走近，使盡全力拍了一掌。

　　聽到一聲大叫，好心的女服務(wù)員沖進房來。讓她大為吃驚的是，可憐的老頭正坐在地板上，牙關(guān)緊咬，右手滴血不止。

　　我沒有睡著 I wasn't asleep

　　When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged(用肘輕推) him and said: "Wake up, sir!"

　　"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.

　　"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."

　　"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."

　　當(dāng)一群婦女上車之后，車上的座位全都被占滿了。售票員注意到一名男子好象是睡著了，他擔(dān)心這個人會坐過站，就用肘輕輕地碰了碰他，說：“先生，醒醒!”

　　“我沒有睡著。”那個男人回答。

　　“沒睡著?可是你眼睛都閉上了呀?”

　　“我知道，我只是不愿意看到在擁擠的車上有女士站在我身邊而已。”

　　十三 Thirteen

　　A guy is walking past a big wooden fence at the insane asylum(精神病院) and he hears all the residents inside chanting, Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!

　　Quite curious about this, he finds a hole in the fence, and looks in. Someone inside pokes him in the eye.

　　Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting, Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!

　　一個人在精神病院的木圍墻外路過，聽見里面所有的人在唱，十三!十三! 十三!

　　他很好奇，就找到圍墻的一個洞，然后看進去。突然有個人捅到了他的眼睛。

　　然后里面所有人開始唱，十四!十四!十四!

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