2015英文笑話大全 爆笑
The Mean Mans Party
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-handed, are you?"
吝嗇鬼的聚會(huì)
一個(gè)聲名狼藉的小氣鬼終于決定要請(qǐng)一次客了。他在向一個(gè)朋友解釋怎么找到他家時(shí)說(shuō)：“你上到五樓，用你的胳膊肘按門(mén)鈴。門(mén)開(kāi)了后，再用你的腳把門(mén)推開(kāi)。”
“為什么我要用我的肘和腳呢?”
“天哪!” 吝嗇鬼回答，“你總不會(huì)空著手來(lái)吧?”
A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?""No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?"He thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license."The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him - he's a smartass when he's drunk and stoned(醉酒的) ."The guy from the back seat said, "I TOLD you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!"At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk(行李箱) and a muffled(聽(tīng)不清的) voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"
一個(gè)家伙開(kāi)車(chē)的時(shí)候警察追了上來(lái)。這個(gè)家伙要開(kāi)窗戶問(wèn)警察：“怎么了，警官?”
“沒(méi)事，我觀察到了你的安全駕駛技術(shù)，很高興你獲得了價(jià)值5000美元的安全駕駛獎(jiǎng)。祝賀你!你認(rèn)為你要拿這筆錢(qián)去做什么?”
他想了一會(huì)說(shuō)“哦，我覺(jué)得，我應(yīng)該去考駕照”。
坐在副駕駛位的女士說(shuō)"別在意他說(shuō)的，他喝醉了酒說(shuō)胡話呢.“
后面座位的家伙說(shuō)”我告訴你，偷來(lái)的'車(chē)我們走不遠(yuǎn)的。“
此時(shí)，行李箱出現(xiàn)了敲擊聲并傳出一個(gè)模糊不清的聲音：“我們穿過(guò)了邊境了嗎?”
A wealthy matron is so proud of a valuable antique vase that she decides to have her bedroom painted the same color as the vase. Several painters try to match the shade, but none comes close enough to satisfy the eccentric woman.
Eventually, a painter approaches who is confident he can mix the proper color. The woman is pleased with the result, and the painter becomes famous.
Years later, he retires and turns the business over to his son."Dad, “says the son, there’s something I’ve got to know. How did you get those walls to match the vase so perfectly?"
"Son”, the father replies, I painted the vase."
一個(gè)富有的主婦很是驕傲因?yàn)樗詹亓艘患浅Ｓ袃r(jià)值的古董花瓶，于是她決定把臥室粉刷成與花瓶同樣的顏色。許多油漆匠都試圖盡力與花瓶的顏色匹配，但是沒(méi)有任何人能做得 讓那古怪的女人滿意的。
一個(gè)油漆匠很自信他能做到，最終他成功了。那個(gè)主婦很滿意，于是這個(gè)油漆匠也變得很出名。
多年以后，油漆匠要退休了，他把自己的生意交給兒子去經(jīng)營(yíng)。“爸爸”兒子問(wèn)“我還有些事情想知道，你怎么能把墻粉刷得和花瓶的顏色那么相配?”“兒子”爸爸回答到“我只不過(guò)是把花瓶刷了。”
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