英語(yǔ)幽默笑話全集

　　No Bottles Accepted After Five O'clock

　　One day neat closing time at 6:30, four young children arrived with bottles. Wanting to put a stop to this habit, I sternly2 asked each child if he was aware of the rules. Three shook their heads no, but the youngest said he knew. "Why then." I asked, "have you brought me these bottles?"

　　"I can't tell time yet." He said.

　　為了緩解購(gòu)物高峰，我們這個(gè)小水果店為孩子們退飲料瓶做了如下規(guī)定：

　　五點(diǎn)鐘以后不收瓶子

　　快到六點(diǎn)半下班的時(shí)候，四個(gè)孩子來(lái)退瓶子。為了制止他們的這個(gè)習(xí)慣，我故意很嚴(yán)肅的問(wèn)每個(gè)孩子是否知道我們的規(guī)定。其中三個(gè)孩子都搖頭表示不知道。只有那個(gè)最小的說(shuō)他知道。“那你為什么還在這個(gè)時(shí)間來(lái)退瓶子呢?”我問(wèn)他。

　　“我還不認(rèn)識(shí)表呢!”他說(shuō)。

　　A little kid fell in love with another little kid, a school mate. Sometimes the kids think they fall in love when they have a crush on someone else in the class, when they’re eight or ten years old or something like that. So the eight-year-oldkid came back home and asked his father, “Father, is it expensive to be married?” And the father said, “Yes, son, it is very expensive.” So the son asked, “How much does it cost?” And the father said, “I don’t know, son. I’m still paying.”

　　有個(gè)小孩愛上了另一個(gè)小孩，對(duì)方是學(xué)校的'同學(xué)。八歲或十歲左右的孩子有時(shí)會(huì)迷戀班上某個(gè)人，然后就以為自己戀愛了。因此這個(gè)八歲的小孩回家問(wèn)他爸爸：「爸爸，結(jié)婚很花錢嗎?」爸爸說(shuō)：「是啊，兒子，非�；ㄥX�！箖鹤佑謫�(wèn)：「要花多少錢呢?」爸爸說(shuō)：「我不知道，兒子，我到現(xiàn)在還一直在付錢啊!」

　　The boy and the snails

　　A farmer's boy went looking for snails, and, when he had picked up both his hands full, he set about making a fire at which to roast them; for he meant to eat them. When it got well alight and the snails began to feel the heat, they gradually withdrew more and more into their shells with the hissing noise they always make when they do so. When the boy heard it, he said, "You abandoned creatures, how can you find heart to whistle when your houses are burning?"

　　男孩和蝸牛

　　一個(gè)鄉(xiāng)下少年到處尋找蝸牛，當(dāng)他雙手都塞滿了蝸牛后，就準(zhǔn)備點(diǎn)火烤著吃�；瘘c(diǎn)著了，蝸牛也開始感覺到熱了，他們紛紛退向堅(jiān)殼的深處，同時(shí)還發(fā)出“咝咝”的噪音。男孩子聽到了蝸牛發(fā)出的噓聲，便說(shuō)：“你們這些連命都快沒有的家伙，怎么還能有心情在窩里著火時(shí)吹口哨呢?”

　　Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?"

　　"No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it."

　　“孩子，你為什么用棉花塞住耳朵?它感染了嗎?”

　　“沒有，老師。可是你昨天說(shuō)你告訴我的知識(shí)都是一個(gè)耳朵里進(jìn)，一個(gè)耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。”

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