爆笑英語笑話帶翻譯

　　爆笑的英語笑話含翻譯

　　1The preacher was vexed(生氣的) because a certain member of his congregation(集會，圣會) always fell asleep during the sermon.

　　As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon. So, in a whisper, he asked the congregation. "All who want to go to heaven, please rise." Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering "Be seated", the minister shouted at the top of his voiced, "All those who want to be with the devil, please rise."

　　Awaking with a start(嚇一跳) , the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit(講道壇) , "Well, sir," he said, "I don't know what we're voting on, but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."

　　牧師非常生氣，因?yàn)榭傆幸粋�(gè)人在他說教時(shí)打瞌睡。

　　一個(gè)星期天，正當(dāng)坐在前排的那個(gè)人又在瞌睡時(shí)，牧師決定要好好教育他一下，讓他不要再在布道時(shí)睡覺。于是他低聲對信徒們說：“想去天堂的人，都請站起來吧。”所有的人都站了起來——當(dāng)然，除了那個(gè)打瞌睡的人。在低聲說過請坐后，牧師高聲喊道：“想去下地獄的人請站起來!”

　　打瞌睡的人被這突然的喊叫聲驚醒了，他站了起來。看到牧師高站在教壇上，正生氣的看著他。這個(gè)人說道：“噢，先生，我不知道我們在選什么，但看上去只有你和我是候選人。”

　　2Stupid Question

　　Dan was the doorman of a club in a big city. Everyday, thousands of people passed his door, and a lot of them stopped and asked him, "What's the time, please?"

　　After a few months, Dan said to himself, "I'm not going to answer all those stupid people any more. I'm going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here." Then he did so.

　　“Now people aren't going to stop and ask me the time," he thought happily.

　　But after that, a lot of people stopped, looked at the clock and then asked Dan, "Is that clock right?”

　　愚蠢的問題

　　丹在一個(gè)大城市的某個(gè)俱樂部當(dāng)守門人。每天都有數(shù)千人經(jīng)過他的門口，而且許多人都會停下來問他:“請問現(xiàn)在幾點(diǎn)?”

　　幾個(gè)月后，丹想:“我不想再回答這些蠢人提出的問題了，我要去買一只大鐘，把它掛在這兒的墻上。”于是他買了一只鐘，把它掛在了墻上。

　　“現(xiàn)在人們總不會再停下來問我時(shí)間了。”他高興地想。

　　可是打那以后，每天仍有許多人停下來，看看鐘，然后問丹:“這鐘準(zhǔn)嗎?”

　　3Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"

　　"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.

　　"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.

　　"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

　　伊凡鼻子流著血回到家里。他媽媽問，“發(fā)生了什么事?”

　　“一個(gè)男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡說。

　　“再見到他你能認(rèn)出來嗎?”媽媽問。

　　“他走到哪里我都能認(rèn)出他，”伊凡說。“他的耳朵還在我衣兜里呢。”

　　4Put your feet in

　　The school girl was sitting with her feet streched far out into the aisle ,and was busily chewing gum, when the teacher espied her. "Mary !" called the teacher sharply. "Yes,Madam?" questioned the pupil , "Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in!"

　　把腳放進(jìn)去

　　一個(gè)女學(xué)生坐在座位上，嘴里起勁地嚼著口香糖，腳卻伸到課桌間的走道里，被老師發(fā)現(xiàn)了。“瑪麗!”老師嚴(yán)厲地叫她。“什么事，老師?”這女學(xué)生問。“把口香糖從嘴里拿出來，把腳放進(jìn)去。”

　　5Mary was so disgusted at her husband's cigarette smoking that she complained to him one day.

　　'I hope that all the cigarette factories will catch fire someday.'

　　'Don't worry, dear. All the cigarettes will be on fire sooner or later.' He said with a smile.

　　瑪麗非常討厭丈夫吸煙，一天對他抱怨說：“我希望有一天所有卷煙廠都失火。”

　　“不用擔(dān)心，親愛的，所有的煙卷遲早都會點(diǎn)著的。”他笑著說。

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