圣誕節(jié)經(jīng)典爆笑笑話(huà)

　　笑話(huà)具有篇幅短小，故事情節(jié)簡(jiǎn)單而巧妙，往往出人意料，給人突然之間笑神來(lái)了的奇妙感覺(jué)的特點(diǎn)。大多揭示生活中乖謬的現(xiàn)象，具有諷刺性和娛樂(lè)性。以下是小編整理的圣誕節(jié)經(jīng)典爆笑笑話(huà)，歡迎閱讀。

　　1. Into the Church進(jìn)教堂

　　Three buildings in town were overrun by squirrels—the town hall, the hardware store, and the church. The town hall brought in some cats. But after they tore up all the files, the mayor got rid of the predators, and soon the squirrels were back. The hardware store humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free outside town. But three days later, the squirrels climbed back in. Only the church came up with an effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and made them members. Now they see them only on Christmas and Easter.鎮(zhèn)里有三座建筑物被松鼠占領(lǐng)了--市政廳、五金店和教堂。市政廳引進(jìn)了一些貓。但這些“獵手”撕毀了文檔，于是它們也就被市長(zhǎng)請(qǐng)出了市政廳。而很快，松鼠又回來(lái)了。五金店捕捉到松鼠后，施與憐憫將它們?cè)阪?zhèn)外釋放了。但三天后，松鼠爬回鎮(zhèn)里來(lái)了。只有教堂采取了一種有效的解決方案。松鼠得到洗禮成為了教眾�，F(xiàn)在，人們只會(huì)在圣誕節(jié)和復(fù)活節(jié)時(shí)才能看到松鼠。

　　2. Denomination 面額還是教派？

　　A woman goes to the post office and asks for 50 Hanukkah stamps. "What denomination?" asks the clerk. The woman says, "Six Orthodox, 12 Conservative, and 32 Reform."一名女士走進(jìn)郵局，問(wèn)職員要50張光明節(jié)紀(jì)念郵票（小編注：光明節(jié)：猶太人慶祝光明到來(lái)的節(jié)日）。職員問(wèn)。“多少面額的？”女士說(shuō)：“6張東正教，12張保守黨，32張革新派�！�

　　3. Good Lights 好燈

　　A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights. I showed her our top brand, but—wanting to make sure each bulb worked—she asked me to take them out of the box and plug them in. I did, and each one lit up. "Great," she said. I carefully placed the string of lights back in the box. But as I handed them to her, she looked alarmed. "I don’t want this box," she said abruptly. "It’s been opened."一位顧客進(jìn)我們的商店買(mǎi)圣誕燈。我給她看了我們店里最好的牌子，但還需確認(rèn)一下燈泡是否正常。她讓我把燈泡從盒子里拿出來(lái)，然后通上電。我照做了。每一個(gè)燈泡都是正常的。她說(shuō):“非常好�！蔽倚⌒囊硪淼匕堰@串圣誕燈放回盒子里�？僧�(dāng)我把這一盒燈泡交給她時(shí)，她吃驚地看著我，突然說(shuō)：“我不要這一盒，它打開(kāi)過(guò)的�！�

　　4. Stop the Presses讓媒體閉嘴

　　These holiday “headlines” — concocted by the satirists at the Onion — are completely fabricated. And yet they have the ring of truth. Coal Now Too Expensive to Put in Christmas Stockings, Study Finds Link Between Red Wine, Letting Mother Know What You Really Think, Accountants Pack Times Square for Fiscal New Year, Book Given as Gift Actually Read這些節(jié)日頭條--由全美最優(yōu)質(zhì)新聞媒體The Onion的諷刺作家杜撰--完全是胡編亂造，不過(guò)聽(tīng)起來(lái)還真像是事實(shí)。諸如《放進(jìn)圣誕襪的煤太貴了買(mǎi)不起》，《研究發(fā)現(xiàn)了紅酒間的聯(lián)系》，《讓媽媽知道你真正在想什么》，《會(huì)計(jì)人員蜂擁時(shí)代廣場(chǎng)慶祝新財(cái)年》，《書(shū)當(dāng)圣誕禮物真有人讀》。

　　5. Hiding the Presents藏禮物

　　I had finished my Christmas shopping early and had wrapped all the presents. Having two curious children, I had to find a suitable hiding place. I chose an ideal spot—the furnace room. I stacked the presents and covered them with a blanket, positive they’d remain undiscovered. When I went to get the gifts to put them under the tree, I lifted the blanket and there, stacked neatly on top of my gifts, were presents addressed to "Mom and Dad, From the Kids."早些天我就做好圣誕購(gòu)物并包裝好所有的禮物了。因?yàn)橛袃蓚�(gè)好奇的孩子，我需要找一個(gè)適合藏禮物的隱蔽處。我想到了一個(gè)理想的地方--爐子間。我疊好禮物，用一塊毯子把它們蓋起來(lái)，覺(jué)得它們肯定不會(huì)被發(fā)現(xiàn)。當(dāng)我去拿禮物想把它們放在圣誕樹(shù)下時(shí)，我掀開(kāi)毯子，看到，在我準(zhǔn)備好的禮物上面整齊地疊放著另一些禮物，上面寫(xiě)著“給爸爸媽媽?zhuān)�你們的寶貝”�?/p>

　　6. Gift Exchange交換禮物

　　My friend reviewed her young son’s fill-in-the-blank homework. One line: “At Christmas, we exchange gifts with ____.” His response: “Receipts.”我朋友在檢查她兒子的填空題家庭作業(yè)。有一行：“在圣誕節(jié)，我們和____交換禮物�！彼�的答案：“收據(jù)。”

　　7. Limited Knowledge知識(shí)有限

　　As we were putting out cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve, I accidentally dropped one. "No problem," I said, picking it up and dusting it off before placing it back on the plate. "You can’t do that," argued my four-year-old. "Don’t worry. Santa will never know." He shot me a look. "So he knows if I’ve been bad or good, but he doesn’t know the cookie fell on the floor?"平安夜那天，在我們分發(fā)餅干時(shí)，我一不小心掉了一塊到地上�！皼](méi)關(guān)系�！蔽乙贿呎f(shuō)，一邊撿起來(lái)，并在放回盤(pán)子前撣掉了上面的灰�！澳悴荒苣敲醋�。”我四歲大的孩子爭(zhēng)論道。“別擔(dān)心，圣誕老人不會(huì)知道的�！彼�朝我瞟了一眼�！斑@就是說(shuō)他知道我有沒(méi)有做壞事，而他不知道餅干掉在地上過(guò)？”

　　8. Odd Christmas Visit奇怪的圣誕拜訪

　　From an article on the Woolacombe Bay Hotel in Devon, England: "Their three-night Christmas break includes a packed program of family entertainment, a crèche, excellent cuisine, and a visit from Satan."英格蘭德文郡Woolacombe海灣酒店有一篇文章：“他們的三日圣誕假期套餐包括家庭娛樂(lè)、育嬰托管、美味佳肴，還有撒旦來(lái)訪”。

　　9. Quick Cleanup快速清掃

　　Unexpected guests were on the way, and my mother, an impeccable housekeeper, rushed around straightening up. She put my father and brother to work cleaning the guest bathroom. Later, when she went to inspect it, she was surprised that the once-cluttered room had been tidied up so quickly. Then she saw the note on the closed shower curtains. It read "Thank you for not looking in the bathtub."不速之客就在路上，我媽媽?zhuān)�一個(gè)完美的家庭主婦，正忙里忙外地整理。她分配給我爸和我哥哥的任務(wù)是打掃供客人使用的浴室。一會(huì)兒之后，當(dāng)她去檢查的時(shí)候，她吃驚了，曾經(jīng)一度雜亂的房間瞬間就被打掃干凈了。接著她看到浴簾上有一張紙條，紙條上寫(xiě)著：“謝謝你沒(méi)往浴缸里看�！�

　　10. Post Holiday Blues假日里的郁悶事

　　A waitress at our restaurant had a change of clothes stolen from the break room. Making matters worse, she’d planned on wearing them to the Christmas party. As a brand-new employee, I didn’t know any of this backstory, so I was a bit surprised to find this indignant note posted on the community board: "It has been two weeks since the Christmas party, and I still have not found my clothes."

　　我們飯館里一位女服務(wù)員的一套換洗的衣服在休息室里失竊了。更糟的是，她原本計(jì)劃穿著那套去參加圣誕聚會(huì)。作為一個(gè)新員工，我并不知道這個(gè)幕后故事，因此當(dāng)我發(fā)現(xiàn)這張充滿(mǎn)怒氣的紙條貼在社區(qū)公告欄里時(shí)，有點(diǎn)吃驚。紙條上寫(xiě)著：“圣誕聚會(huì)已經(jīng)過(guò)去兩個(gè)星期了，但我始終還沒(méi)找回我的衣服�！�

　　11. Easy to Forgive輕易寬恕

　　Late for a seminar and unable to find parking, I pulled into a spot behind a church. It was only after I’d gotten out of the car that I spotted this sign: "No parking. Forgiveness is our business, but don’t make it harder than it already is."因?yàn)檠杏憰?huì)遲到，現(xiàn)在找不到停車(chē)的地方，于是我把車(chē)停在了教堂后面。直到我從車(chē)?yán)锍鰜?lái)我才看到這個(gè)標(biāo)志牌：“不準(zhǔn)停車(chē)！寬恕是我們的職責(zé)，但是不要給原已糟糕的現(xiàn)狀添堵了。”

　　12. Waiting for Christmas等待圣誕節(jié)

　　My wife took our three-year-old to church for the first time. Getting impatient while waiting for the Mass to start, he turned to her and asked, "What time does Jesus get here?" 我妻子第一次帶我們?nèi)龤q大的孩子去教堂。在彌撒曲開(kāi)始前我們等了很久，孩子等的不耐煩了，轉(zhuǎn)向媽媽問(wèn)：“耶穌什么時(shí)候來(lái)這里？”

　　13. Christmas Eve Service平安夜禱告

　　Just as I began my Christmas Eve service, the electricity in the church failed. The ushers and I found some candles and placed them around the sanctuary. Then I reentered the pulpit, shuffled my notes, and muttered, "Now, where was I?" A tired voice called out, "Right near the end!"就在我開(kāi)始平安夜禱告時(shí)，教堂停電了。教堂里的接待人員和我找到一些蠟燭，把它們放在禮堂周?chē)�。然后我重返講道壇，整理了一下筆記后，我說(shuō)：“剛才我講到哪兒了？”傳來(lái)一陣不耐煩的聲音：“馬上就講完了！”

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