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雅思寫作考官范文精致解讀

發(fā)布時(shí)間:2017-12-31 編輯:少冰

  優(yōu)秀的英文段落結(jié)構(gòu)就像“瀑布“一樣,往細(xì)化的方向不斷的展開,可以采取分組,解釋等方法,先明確的給出”對(duì)于問題回答的中心句,即先寫中心句,然后進(jìn)行進(jìn)一步展開的倒過來的細(xì)化展開的方式,而具有諷刺的是,中國學(xué)生的答案往往在段落的中間就開始不斷的上升話題,從而產(chǎn)生很大的跳躍。下面是小編為大家整理收集的關(guān)于雅思寫作考官范文的精致解讀,希望對(duì)大家有所幫助。

  題目:As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual well-being. What factors contribute to job satisfaction?How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?

  題干分析:本題是相對(duì)抽象的社會(huì)生活類話題,對(duì)于中學(xué)生以及沒有上過班的大學(xué)生同學(xué)們有一定話題上的陌生感。但是即使是上班的“同志們”就一定覺得題目容易展開嗎?是的,中國人的答案在面對(duì)這個(gè)題目的時(shí)候是驚人的相似,可以預(yù)見,大家的答案往往是:money, power, promotion。這些對(duì)于工作滿意度的factors的回答本身是沒有問題的,但是難點(diǎn)在于不要忽視了去解釋和補(bǔ)充我們“為什么把這些元素”看的比較重的原因。回答的內(nèi)容本身并不重要,但重要的是如何解釋清楚。

  Nowadays many adults (直接用adults 是細(xì)化思維的體現(xiàn),不要只是寫people,使句子更貼話題) have full-time jobs and the proportion of their lives spent doing such jobs is very high. (首句不要寫太長(zhǎng)的背景,要從第一句話就開始描述這個(gè)話題,而不是“with the development of society and economy , there is a hotly-debated topic about whether or not …這樣的套話,是注定讓你丟分的,接下來將變成一個(gè)考官驗(yàn)證5分或者5.5分的過程。那為什么不能寫模板呢?這樣的句子本身的質(zhì)量不是很好?威廉老師告訴你,是因?yàn)楸尘皩懙奶,緊接著就跳入非常具體的話題,這樣嚴(yán)重破壞了作文的CC(連貫性)這一評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn))。

  So feelings about one’s job must reflect how an individual feels about his or her life as a whole, and because of this, job satisfaction is indeed very important for the wellbeing of that person. (順接的很自然)高手應(yīng)該做到讓段落的內(nèi)容的話題的范文不要太寬,要盡量克制寫很多內(nèi)容的沖動(dòng)。你有沒有發(fā)現(xiàn),當(dāng)你從第一句就開始寫這個(gè)話題,從寫成年人的工作對(duì)于成年人很重要的前提下,自然就過渡到了“工作滿意度“的話題,因?yàn)樵掝}窄,所以很容易構(gòu)成有邏輯)。

  Employees get job satisfaction in a number of ways.(羅列式中心句,就表明接下來會(huì)有幾個(gè)具體的方面需要具體展開) Firstly, a person needs to feel that they are doing valued and valuable work, so positive feedback from superiors is very important in this respect. A sense of fulfillment is also(also 體現(xiàn)遞進(jìn),內(nèi)在的邏輯) encouraged if a worker feels the job is worth doing because it contributes to the society or the economy as a whole. (先接結(jié)果后寫原因是高分作文特征之一,這樣能有效避免觀點(diǎn)跳躍)Secondly, when someone feels they are improving or developing their skills through training opportunities,(很細(xì)節(jié),并且符合邏輯的觀點(diǎn),也許沒有工作經(jīng)驗(yàn)的同學(xué)不能夠想到) for example, then there is a sense of progression and purpose that rewards a worker. The sense of belonging to a team or a working community also(遞進(jìn)詞,體現(xiàn)內(nèi)在的邏輯) contributes to job satisfaction because colleagues help each other to enjoy their working lives.(先寫結(jié)果,后寫原因是高分作文的特征之一)Satisfaction is also increased by a sense of responsibility for and loyalty to a team.

  該段落使用羅列式中心句,并且細(xì)化思維做的很好。在一個(gè)段落中就出現(xiàn)了:“valued and valuable work,positive feedback from superiors,A sense of fulfillment,contributes to the society or the economy,improving or developing their skills,training opportunities,a sense of progression and purpose,sense of belonging to a team or a working community,colleagues help each other,a sense of responsibility for and loyalty to a team 這樣的10個(gè)對(duì)于factors 的具體回答,并且能夠有效的能將這些細(xì)節(jié)名詞進(jìn)行有邏輯的串聯(lián)的確是高分的作文的體現(xiàn))所以觀點(diǎn)本身并不是最關(guān)鍵的因素,比如中國人通常所認(rèn)為的:A reasonable income is quite an important contributing factor because some basic survival necessities are highly prices such as housing, cars and dressings and the social welfare system is not fully accomplished. 只要解釋充分,話題的答案本身就不是最重要的了。)

  Of course not everyone enjoys their work. (直接式的中心句,直接對(duì)于第二個(gè)問題給予回答) Hard economic realities mean that many people have little choice in the kind of job they can get. (進(jìn)一步解釋)In some cases an employee is working in a job that suits neither their skills nor their personality.(分類解釋)Some jobs are repetitive and boring,and labor relations may be poor and lead to resentment and insecurity rather than to job satisfaction. (進(jìn)一步的細(xì)化思維)

  優(yōu)秀的英文段落結(jié)構(gòu)就像“瀑布“一樣,往細(xì)化的方向不斷的展開,可以采取分組,解釋等方法,先明確的給出”對(duì)于問題回答的中心句,即先寫中心句,然后進(jìn)行進(jìn)一步展開的倒過來的細(xì)化展開的方式,而具有諷刺的是,中國學(xué)生的答案往往在段落的中間就開始不斷的上升話題,從而產(chǎn)生很大的跳躍,習(xí)慣于用:which will contribute to …//Ving 上升主題,最終達(dá)到聯(lián)系到了“推動(dòng)經(jīng)濟(jì)發(fā)展,維護(hù)社會(huì)和諧”的最終主題( drive the economic development and maintain social harmony),殊不知,這樣嚴(yán)重破壞了句子和句子之間的邏輯和連貫度。

  However, even though it is unlikely that all workers do feel happy in their work, I think it is not unrealistic to promote more job satisfaction in any job.(典型的批判性思維的讓步句型,有承上啟下的作用。是8分作文最重要的特征之一,從而使句子銜接變得特別到位) If the factors identified above are implemented, then any job can be improved and more workers can feel greater degrees of job satisfaction. (批判性思維)。

  總體點(diǎn)評(píng):這是篇題目本身非常抽象的題目,經(jīng)過作者的細(xì)化思維的一步步展開,讓我們對(duì)于“工作滿意度”這一抽象問題有的較為具體的認(rèn)識(shí),但更重要的是作者將每一個(gè)要展開的分論點(diǎn)都進(jìn)一步的解釋和分析是得到高分最重要的原因。另外最后一段(even though, it is not unrealistic 這樣的批判性思維能極大的提高CC連貫度)。

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