下面就來(lái)看一些例子，體會(huì)一些寫得并不成功的長(zhǎng)句和如何修改的建議。

　　建議一：避免空洞的單詞和詞組

　　1.一些空洞的單詞或詞組根本不能為句子帶來(lái)任何相關(guān)或重要的信息，完全可以刪掉。

　　比如：When all things are considered, young adults of today live more satisfying lives than those of their parents, in my opinion.

　　這句話當(dāng)中的“when all things are considered”和“in my opinion"都顯得多余。完全可以去掉。改為：

　　Young adults of today live more satisfying lives than their parents.

　　2.有些空洞和繁瑣的表達(dá)方式可以進(jìn)行替換。

　　例如：Due to the fact that our grandparents were under an obligation to help their parents, they did not have the options that young people have at this point in time.

　　“due to the fact that”就是一個(gè)很典型的繁瑣的表達(dá)方式的例子，可以替換，簡(jiǎn)化為下面的表達(dá)方式：

　　Because our grandparents were obligated to help their parents, they did not have the options that young people have now.

　　建議二：避免重復(fù)

　　1.盡量避免重復(fù)使用同樣的詞匯�；蛘哂械臅r(shí)候雖然詞匯沒(méi)有重復(fù)，但意思卻有重復(fù)。這時(shí)候可以做一些簡(jiǎn)化的工作。

　　例如下面這個(gè)例子：The farm my grandfather grew up on was large in size.

　　large對(duì)一個(gè)farm來(lái)說(shuō)就是size方面的large，所以in size可以去掉，改為：

　　The farm my grandfather grew up on was large.

　　更簡(jiǎn)潔的表達(dá)方式為：

　　My grandfather grew up on a large farm.

　　2.有時(shí)一個(gè)詞組可以用一個(gè)更簡(jiǎn)單的單詞來(lái)替換。

　　例如：My grandfather has said over and over again that he had to work on his parents' farm.

　　這里的over and over again就可以改為repeatedly，顯得更為簡(jiǎn)潔：

　　My grandfather has said repeatedly that he had to work on his parents' farm.

　　建議三：選擇最恰當(dāng)?shù)恼Z(yǔ)法結(jié)構(gòu)

　　選擇合適的語(yǔ)法結(jié)構(gòu)可以使句子意思的表達(dá)更為精確和簡(jiǎn)練。雖然語(yǔ)法的多樣性也很重要，但選擇最恰當(dāng)?shù)恼Z(yǔ)法結(jié)構(gòu)仍然是更為重要的考慮因素。以下原則是在考慮選擇何種語(yǔ)法結(jié)構(gòu)時(shí)可以參考的原則：

　　1.一個(gè)句子的主語(yǔ)和謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞應(yīng)該能夠反映句子中的最重要的意思。

　　例如：The situation that resulted in my grandfather's not being able to study engineering was that his father needed help on the farm.

　　從意思上來(lái)分析，上面這句話需要表達(dá)的重要的概念是“grandfather's not being able to study”，而在表達(dá)這個(gè)概念時(shí)，原句用的主語(yǔ)是situation，謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞是was，不能強(qiáng)調(diào)需要表達(dá)的重點(diǎn)概念，可以改為下面這句話：

　　My grandfather couldn't study engineering because his father needed help on the farm.

　　2.避免頻繁使用“there be”結(jié)構(gòu)。

　　例如下面的句子：There were 25 cows on the farm that my grandfather had to milk every day. It was hard work for my grandfather.

　　可以改為：

　　My grandfather worked hard. He had to milk 25 cows on the farm every day.

　　更簡(jiǎn)潔的句式為：

　　My grandfather worked hard milking 25 cows daily.

　　3.把從句改為短語(yǔ)或單詞。

　　例如：Dairy cows were raised on the farm, which was located100 kilometers from the nearest university and was in an area that was remote.

　　簡(jiǎn)介的表達(dá)方式為：

　　The dairy farm was located in a remote area, 100 kilometers to the nearest university.

　　4.僅在需要強(qiáng)調(diào)賓語(yǔ)而不是主語(yǔ)的時(shí)候，才使用被動(dòng)語(yǔ)態(tài)。

　　例如：In the fall, not only did the cows have to be milked, but also the hay was mowed and stacked by my grandfather's family.

　　本句不夠簡(jiǎn)潔的原因是本句的重心應(yīng)該是“忙碌的家庭-my grandfather's family”，而使用了被動(dòng)語(yǔ)態(tài)後，彷佛重心變成了cows和hay。下面的表達(dá)方式是主動(dòng)語(yǔ)態(tài)，相對(duì)來(lái)說(shuō)更簡(jiǎn)潔一些：

　　In the fall, my grandfather's family not only milked the cow but also mowed and stacked the hay.

　　5.用更為精確的一個(gè)動(dòng)詞來(lái)代替動(dòng)詞短語(yǔ)。

　　例如：My grandfather didn't have time to stand around doing nothing with his school friends.

　　Stand around doing nothing其實(shí)可以用一個(gè)動(dòng)詞來(lái)表達(dá)，即loiter：

　　My grandfather didn't have time to loiter with his school friends.

　　6.有時(shí)兩句話的信息經(jīng)過(guò)組合完全可以用一句話來(lái)簡(jiǎn)練地表達(dá)。

　　例如：Profits from the farm were not large. Sometimes they were too small to meet the expenses of running a farm. They were not sufficient to pay for a university degree.

　　兩句話的信息可以合并為下面這句更為簡(jiǎn)潔的句子：

　　Profits from the farm were sometimes too small to meet operational expenses, let alone pay for a university degree.