中考英語寫作精彩點(diǎn)評(píng)與修改
中考英語寫作精彩點(diǎn)評(píng)與修改（二） 原文修改如下：
Dear Peter,
（第一段：提出要求。1-2句）
I am writing to ask whether you are able to do favor.
（“讓某人幫忙”可以表達(dá)成do sb. a favor. 可以改成：I am writing to ask whether you are able to do me a favor.）
（第二段：說明理由。5-7句）
I want to get a good pen friend. I would like you introduce a penfriend to me. (請(qǐng)求的內(nèi)容要簡(jiǎn)潔明了，可以合并成一句話：I would like you to introduce a good pen pal to me.) First of all, She must be a girl in her early years. （沒有說明原因，為什么找一個(gè)和我年齡相仿的筆友�？梢愿某桑篎irst of all, she must be a girl about my own age, who can communicate with me better than anyone else.）My hobby is traveling and playing badminton. For our communication, I hope she likes the things as I like. And I also like small pet. (這三句話表示希望筆友能有和我一樣的愛好，但是是寫的太零散了，邏輯性不強(qiáng)，最好用復(fù)合句來替換多個(gè)簡(jiǎn)單句�？梢愿某桑篎urthermore，she is supposed to have the same hobbies as mine, such as traveling, playing badminton, and raising small pets. 在表達(dá)時(shí)，注意先總后分，先說希望她擁有和我一樣的愛好，再說這些愛好具體是什么。千萬不要倒置次序。)
（第三段：重申要求。1-2句）
If you can help me finding an English penfiaend. that’s the best. (最好用這個(gè)句型：I would appreciate it very much if …, “如果……, 我將感激不盡�！笨梢愿某桑篒 would appreciate it very much if you can help me find an English pen friend.) I can write to her to know her culture and improve my English Maybe in holiday. I can go to her country for a travel. (這句話不應(yīng)該出現(xiàn)在這里，把它作為我找筆友的.第三條要求, 放到第二段的末尾，就顯的更合理一些�！傲私狻睉�(yīng)該表達(dá)成：know about。整個(gè)句子可以改成：Finally，she is expected to be an English native speaker so that I can write to her to know about her culture and improve my English.)
I’ m looking forwards to your news. （很好！結(jié)語寒暄。）
Sincerely
Yours，
點(diǎn)評(píng)：
這篇文章總體寫的不錯(cuò)！結(jié)構(gòu)，內(nèi)容沒有問題。語言的組織力度不夠強(qiáng)，第二段的邏輯層次有點(diǎn)亂。繼續(xù)加油！作文上需要投入點(diǎn)時(shí)間和精力。劉曉偉的主頁 | 查看全部日志
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