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英語冷笑話（通用10篇）
以下是yjbys網(wǎng)小編整理的英語冷笑話(帶翻譯)，這些冷笑話一般都超出常規(guī)思維，不符合邏輯和生活實(shí)際，雖然挺好玩的，但無論怎樣，這種笑話不是那種一聽就會(huì)開懷大笑的正常笑話，但你可以和小編一起一邊看笑話一邊學(xué)習(xí)。
英語冷笑話 篇1
1.The Climate of New Zealand
Teacher: Matthew, what is the climate of New Zealand?
Matthew: Very Cold, sir.
Teacher: Wrong.
Matthew: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen!
新西蘭的氣候
老師：馬修，新西蘭的氣候怎么樣?
馬修：先生，那里的天氣很冷。
老師：錯(cuò)了。
馬修：可是，先生!從那兒運(yùn)來的豬肉都凍得硬邦邦的。
2.My Sister's Fingers
Teacher: Kevin, why are you late this time?
Kevin: Please sir, I bruised two fingers knocking in a nail at home.
Teacher: I don't see any bandages.
Kevin: Oh, they weren't my fingers! I told my little sister to hold the nail.
我妹妹的手指頭
老師：凱溫，這次你怎么又遲到了?
凱溫：對(duì)不起，老師，我在家釘釘子，砸壞了兩個(gè)手指頭。
老師：怎么沒有扎繃帶呀?
凱溫：噢，砸的不是我的手指頭，我叫小妹妹扶著釘子的。
3.All Except the Music
A keen young teacher wanted to introduce her class to the glories of classical music, so she arranged an outing to an afternoon concert. To make the occasion even more memorable, she treated everyone to lemonade, cake, chocs and ices. Just as the party was getting back into their coach, she said to little Sally, "Have you enjoyed yourself today?"
"Oh, yes, miss!" said Sally, "It was lovely. All except the music, that is."
除了音樂
一位熱心的年輕教師想讓她的學(xué)生多了解一點(diǎn)優(yōu)秀的古典音樂，就安排了一天下午去聽音樂會(huì)。為了使這次活動(dòng)能給大家留下更深的印象，她請(qǐng)大家喝檸檬汽水、吃點(diǎn)心、巧克力和冰淇淋。在大家回來上汽車的'時(shí)候，她問小薩莉：“你今天玩得好嗎?”
“噢，好極了，小姐，” 薩莉說，“除了音樂其它都很好�！�
4.The plural Form of "Child"
Teacher: What is the plural of man, Tom?
Tom: Men.
Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?
Tom: Twins.
"孩子"的復(fù)數(shù)形式
老師：湯姆，‘男人’這個(gè)詞的復(fù)數(shù)形式是什么?
湯姆：男人們。
老師：答得好。那‘孩子’的復(fù)數(shù)形式呢?
湯姆：雙胞胎。
5.When Do People Talk Least?
Student A: When do people talk least?
Student B: In February.
Student A: Why?
Student B: Because February is the shortest month of a year.
人們什么時(shí)候說話最少?
學(xué)生甲：人們?cè)谑裁磿r(shí)候說話最少?
學(xué)生乙：在二月。
學(xué)生甲：為什么呢?
學(xué)生乙：因?yàn)槎率且荒曛凶疃痰囊粋�(gè)月。
6.The Reason of Being Late
Teacher: Johnny, why are you late for school every morning?
Johnny: Every time I come to the corner, a guidepost says, 'School -- Go Slow'.
遲到的原因
老 師：約翰尼，為什么你每天早晨都遲到?
約翰尼：每當(dāng)我經(jīng)過學(xué)校附近的拐角處，就見路牌上寫著‘學(xué)校-緩行’。
英語冷笑話 篇2
A patron in Montreal cafe turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded. "This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked C gave me boiling water.""But, Monsieur, C stands for chaude - French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal.""Wait a minute," roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked C.""Of course," said the manager, "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city."
蒙特利爾咖啡館的一位顧客擰開盥洗室的'水龍頭，結(jié)果被水燙傷了�！斑@太可惡了，”他抱怨道，“標(biāo)著C的龍頭流出的是開水。”“可是，先生，C代表Chaude，在法語里代表'熱'。如果您住在蒙特利爾的話就應(yīng)該知道這一點(diǎn)。”“等等，”那位顧客咆哮著，“另外一個(gè)龍頭標(biāo)的也是C�！薄澳钱�(dāng)然，”經(jīng)理說道：“這個(gè)C代表冷。畢竟，蒙特利爾是個(gè)雙語城市。”
英語冷笑話 篇3
The Name of a PoetOur teacher was telling us about a new system of memory training being used in some schools today. “It works like this，” she said.“Suppose you wanted tore member the name of a poet—Robert Burns，for instance.”She told us to think of him as Bobby Burns.“Now get in your head a picture of a London policeman，a bobby in flames.See?Bobby Burns!” “I see what you mean，” said the class know it all.“But how can you tell that it's Not Robert Browning?”
我們的老師正在給我們介紹現(xiàn)在某些學(xué)校使用的一種新的記憶訓(xùn)練系統(tǒng)。“這個(gè)系統(tǒng)是這樣的，”她說�！凹俣阋涀∫粋�(gè)詩人的.名字——例如，要記住羅伯特·彭斯的名字�！彼嬖V我們把他當(dāng)作博比·彭斯�！白屇愕哪X海里閃現(xiàn)出一個(gè)倫敦警察的形象，燃燒著的警察。明白嗎?警察燃燒!” “我明白你的意思，”班上的萬事通說。“但是你怎么能說那就不是羅伯特·布朗寧呢?”
英語冷笑話 篇4
No matter which girl he brought home， the young man found disapproval from his mother. A friend gave him advice. “Find a girl just like your mother—then she's bound to like her. So the young man searched and searched， and finally found the girl.He told his friendly adviser： “Just like you said， I found a girl who looked，talked，dressed， and even cooked like mother.And just as you said，mother liked her” “So，”asked the friend，“what happened?” “Nothing，”said the young man.“My father hates her!”
無論帶哪一個(gè)女孩回家，這位青年人總會(huì)遭到母親的`反對(duì)。一位朋友勸他說： “找一個(gè)和你母親一樣的女孩——那她一定會(huì)喜歡她�！� 于是這位青年人不停地找啊找，終于找到了這么個(gè)女孩。 正像你說的那樣，我找到一個(gè)長相、談吐、穿著打扮，甚至連烹飪都和我母親一樣的女孩。也正像你說的那樣，我母親喜歡她�！� “那后來呢?”朋友問。 “沒什么，”青年人說。“我父親討厭她!”
英語冷笑話 篇5
A man who had been married for ten years was consulting a marriage counselor. “When I was first married，I was very happy. I'd come home from a hard day down at the shop，and my little dog would race around barking，and my wife would bring me my slippers.Now everything's changed.When I come home，my dog brings me my slippers，and my wife barks at me.” “I don't know what you're complaining about，”said the counselor.“You're still getting the same service.”
一個(gè)結(jié)婚十年的男人正在請(qǐng)教一位婚姻顧問。“剛結(jié)婚那會(huì)兒，我非常幸福。我在店里勞累一天回到家，我的小狗會(huì)繞著我跑，汪汪叫，而我的妻子給我拿來拖鞋�，F(xiàn)在一切都變了。我回到家里，我的狗給我拿來拖鞋，我的.妻子對(duì)著我汪汪叫�！� “我不知道你在抱怨什么，”婚姻顧問說。“你得到的服務(wù)還是一樣的呀�！�
英語冷笑話 篇6
A highway patrol officer stopped a speeding motorist. "Don't you know what the blinkin
g lights and siren mean?" he demanded.
"Yes, sir," replied the driver.
"Then why didn't you pull over immediately?"
"I would have, officer, " the man said. "But last month my wife ran off with a policeman, and I was afraid you were bringing her back.
一位公路巡警截住了一個(gè)超速司機(jī)�！半y道你不知道閃爍燈和警笛的意思嗎?”他責(zé)問道。
“知道，長官，”司機(jī)回答說。
“那你為什么不立即靠邊停車?”
“我本來想這樣做的，長官�！蹦悄凶踊卮鹫f，“但上個(gè)月我妻子和一位警察私奔了，我是害怕你把她帶回來。”
英語冷笑話 篇7
The New Baby Mr.and Mrs.Taylor had a seven year old boy named Pat.Now Mrs.Taylor was expecting another child. Pat had seen babies in other people's houses and had not liked them very much，so he was not delighted about the news that there was soon going to be one in his house too. One evening Mr.and Mrs.Taylor were making plans for the baby's arrival.“This house won't be big enough for us all when the baby comes，”said Mr.Taylor. Pat came into the room just then and said，“What are you talking about?”“We were saying that we'll have to move to an other house now，because the new baby's coming，”his mother answered. “ It's no use，”said Pat hopelessly.“ He'll follow us there.”
泰勒夫婦有一個(gè)七歲的男孩，名叫帕特。現(xiàn)在泰勒太太正懷著第二胎。 帕特在別人家看見過嬰兒，他不太喜歡他們，所以他對(duì)自己家里也將有一個(gè)嬰兒的消息感到不滿。 一天晚上，泰勒夫婦正在為這個(gè)嬰兒的降生計(jì)劃做安排。泰勒先生說：“有了嬰兒，我們的房子就太小，不夠住了�！� 帕特恰好在這個(gè)時(shí)候走進(jìn)屋，他問：“你們?cè)谡f什么?”他的'母親回答說：“我們?cè)谡f我們現(xiàn)在得搬家，因?yàn)閶雰壕鸵Q生了�！� “那沒用，”帕特絕望地說。“他會(huì)跟我們到那兒去的。”
英語冷笑話 篇8
Seth Smith was reckoned the laziest man in town. Sotired had the authorities become of contributing to his supportthat they decided to consign him to a living tomb. Accordinglyhe was prepared for burial. The hearse was an old ramshacklecountry wagon. As the strange cortege moved along some old residentasked，“Who is it?” “Why，Seth Smith， who is too lazy to get anything to liveon， so we are going to bury him alive.” “I'll give him a bushel of corn，” said one.“And I will，”said another. Slowly raising his head， Seth asked：“Is the corn shelled，neighbor?” “No，you must do that yourself.” Gently replacing his head， he said：“ Drive on， boys，drive on.”
塞思·史密斯被公認(rèn)為鎮(zhèn)上頭號(hào)懶人。長官們實(shí)在懶得再供養(yǎng)他，便決定把他送進(jìn)一個(gè)天然墳?zāi)估锶ァＳ谑撬粶?zhǔn)備著去埋葬，靈車是一輛搖搖晃晃的鄉(xiāng)下舊馬車。正當(dāng)這列奇怪的送葬隊(duì)伍在行進(jìn)時(shí)，一些老街坊問道：“這是誰啊?”“唉，塞思·史密斯，他懶得沒法活了，我們這就去把他活埋�！薄拔襾斫o他一蒲式耳谷子吧，”一個(gè)人說�！拔乙步o，”另一個(gè)說。 塞思慢慢抬起頭來問道：“谷子脫粒了嗎，街坊?” “沒有，你得自己來�！彼従彴杨^放回原處說：“接著走吧，孩子們，接著走吧�！�
英語冷笑話 篇9
Christmas Eve Service平安夜禮拜
Just as I began my Christmas Eve service, the electricity in the church failed. The ushers and I found some candles and placed them around the sanctuary. Then I reentered the pulpit, shuffled my notes, and muttered, "Now, where was I?" A tired voice called out, "Right near the end!"
就在我開始平安夜禱告時(shí)，教堂停電了。教堂里的接待人員和我找到一些蠟燭，把它們放在禮堂周圍。然后我重返講道壇，整理了一下筆記后，我說：“剛才我講到哪兒了?”傳來一陣不耐煩的聲音：“馬上就講完了!”
英語冷笑話 篇10
Now We Run 現(xiàn)在我們跑吧
A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy’s efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy’s position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow, places his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder and gives the doorbell a sold ring. Crouching down to the child’s level, the priest smiles and asks, "And now what, my little man?" The boy replies, "Now we run!"
一個(gè)牧師正沿著街走路，這時(shí)他看到街對(duì)面有個(gè)小男孩正試圖按一所房子的門鈴。但這個(gè)小孩太小了，門鈴又高，他夠不著�？吹侥莻�(gè)小男孩費(fèi)了很多勁，牧師走近了他。牧師優(yōu)雅地穿過馬路，走到小家伙的背后，輕輕地把手放在小男孩肩頭，按響了門鈴。他彎下身子，微笑著問道：“接下來怎么辦，孩子?”小男孩回答說：“接下來我們跑。”
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