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9分雅思大作文深度講解
In some countries, many more people are choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
構思過程:
獨居,也就是一個人生活,顯然有利有弊,如果選擇一邊倒觀點顯然都站不住腳,很難論證,需要分開討論平均用力。主體段一段寫好處,一段寫壞處。抽象類話題往往在尋找觀點上比較困難或者沒有方向,建議大家按照文波雅思教授的方法分類提取觀點。本篇考官分別從個人和經(jīng)濟的角度出發(fā),層次分明論證清晰,值得大家學習。
Introduction
1)背景導入,說尤其在發(fā)達國家的大城市,最近幾年獨居變得更為常見。
In recent years it has become far more normal for people to live alone,particularly in large cities in the developed world.
(句型結構:It + adj. + for sb. to do sth. + 后置狀語補充,注意完成時has become;注意particularly的用法,舉特例方便直接,類似especially但語氣更強; in the developed world比in developed countries更地道;far more修飾normal代入感強)
2)觀點句,我認為這個趨勢的影響好壞各半。
In my opinion, this trend could have both positive and negative consequences in equal measure.
(句型結構:簡單句+后置狀語;虛擬語氣could have;consequences高分詞;in equal measure高分搭配)
Main Paragraphs 1
1)段首概括,一個人住在個人和宏觀經(jīng)濟上都有好處。
The rise in one-person households can be seen as positive for both personal and broader economic reasons.
(句型結構:被動+后置狀語并列;主語the rise in one-person households替換more people choose to live alone,地道高分搭配準確;seen as語法得分點;personal & broader economic詞匯得分點)
2)分論點1:個人層面上,獨居的人可能變得比和家人一起住的人更獨立自強(常見觀點)
On an individual level, people who choose to live alone may become more independent and self-reliant than those who live with family members.
(句型結構:前置狀語+主語who從句+謂語比較級+賓語who從句,高分復合句;self-reliant高分詞,展示詞匯量)
3)舉例論證+線性推理展開:獨居年輕人需要學做飯,做家務,付賬單,管賬等重要的生活技能;這樣的人增加了就是種正面的發(fā)展
A young adult who lives alone, for example, will need to learn to cook, clean, pay bills and manage his or her budget, all of which are valuable life skills; an increase in the number of such individuals can certainly be seen as a positive development.
(句型結構:主語從句+插入語+不定式并列+賓語all of which從句;簡單分句+被動;valuable得分詞;an increase語法得分點;such individuals指代準確,語法和詞匯得分點)
4)分論點2:經(jīng)濟角度上看,獨居的趨勢會導致住房需求增加(加分觀點)
From an economic perspective, the trend towards living alone will result ingreater demand for housing.
(句型結構:前置狀語+后置定語+簡單句;trend towards living搭配準確,詞匯和語法得分點;result in學術搭配,詞匯得分點;demand for housing詞匯得分點)
5) 舉例說明展開:這樣會讓建筑公司,房產(chǎn)中介和其它依賴業(yè)主購買產(chǎn)品的公司獲益。
This is likely to benefit the construction industry, estate agents and a whole host of other companies that rely on homeowners to buy their products or services.
(句型結構:簡單句+賓語并列+賓語that從句;likely to benefit學術搭配,詞匯得分點;construction industry & estate agents展示詞匯量;rely on homeowners詞匯得分點)
Main Paragraph 2
1)段首概括:上述個人和經(jīng)濟的論點可以反向考慮;(簡介易懂,掛鉤前文暗含對比,CC滿分技巧)
However, the personal and economic arguments given above can be considered from the opposite angle.
(句型結構:轉(zhuǎn)折+簡單句被動;given above非謂語修飾,語法得分點;be considered from學術搭配,詞匯語法得分點;the opposite angle詞匯得分點)
2)分論點1:和獨立的好處相比,獨居的人會感覺孤獨、隔離和不安(常見觀點)
Firstly, rather than the positive feeling of increased independence, people who live alone may experience feelings of loneliness, isolation and worry.
(句型結構:前置狀語+主語從句+賓語并列;rather than無痕跡對比,語法和CC得分點;loneliness & isolation高分詞)
3)舉例對比+論證展開:他們錯過了家人或室友提供的對話和支持,還要承擔過重的家庭賬單和職責;這樣來說,這個趨勢就是負面的
They miss out on the emotional support and daily conversation that family or flatmates can provide, and they must bear the weight of all household bills and responsibilities; in this sense, perhaps the trend towards living alone is a negative one.
(句型結構:簡單句并列+賓語從句+簡單分句;miss out on地道搭配;emotional support, daily conversation & flatmates詞匯加分點;bear the weight of高分搭配,詞匯得分點;a negative one指代準確避免重復,語法得分點)
4)分論點2:從經(jīng)濟角度來說,住房需求增加會推高房價和租金(加分觀點)
Secondly, from the financial point of view, a rise in demand for housing is likely to push up property prices and rents.
(句式結構:前置狀語+簡單句;the financial point of view替換an economic perspective;likely to push up學術搭配;property prices & rents詞匯得分點)
5)對比論證+說明展開:雖然讓企業(yè)獲益,但大眾包括獨居的人都要面臨更高的居住成本
While this may benefit some businesses, the general population, including those who live alone, will be faced with rising living costs.
(句式結構:讓步句+插入語補充+被動;be faced with地道搭配;rising living costs詞匯得分點)
Conclusion
1)一句話總結:獨居增加對個人和經(jīng)濟影響有好有壞
In conclusion, the increase in one-person households will have both beneficial and detrimental effects on individuals and on the economy.
(句式結構:總結+簡單句+賓補;detrimental不利的,高分詞,beneficial & detrimental替換positive & negative;兩個on介詞短語并列,語法得分點)
評分
TR: 兩面觀點完整回答問題,分論點詳實有深度,首尾段觀點總結到位,9分
CC: 全篇結構清晰,整齊,行文連接通順,易于理解,沒有明顯模板痕跡,9分
LR: 詞匯非常多樣,同義替換到位,搭配地道準確,9分
GA: 句型多變,復合句實用靈活,沒有語法錯誤,9分
(13 sentences, 306 words, band 9)
經(jīng)典的4段13句模板,大家可以模仿哦,注意,這里所謂的模板,是指他所熟悉和擅長的一種行文結構,而并非具體的模板句型。祝早日與雅思分手。
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