如何在群體中表現(xiàn)得更加活躍
Sometimes you want to make a good impression with everyone and seem like you're interested in the rest of the group. Especially when you've just met some new people, it's usually better to lean towards the outgoing end of the scale. Getting that "quiet" label often works against those plans. Here are some simple strategies I came up with that help me be less quiet and come up with things to say:
有時你想給他人留下好印象，或者想要表現(xiàn)你對團體中其他成員的興趣，尤其當(dāng)你剛剛認(rèn)識一些人時，通常是表現(xiàn)得外向點更好。被貼上“沉悶”的標(biāo)簽常常有害無益。以下是我自己想出來的一些簡單的對策，它們幫助我不再沉默寡言，并且能夠有話可說。
Tell yourself that you have to say something every so often
提醒自己必須不時說些什么
One thing that works for me is to make an explicit rule in my head that I have to say something at least every few minutes, preferably more. If not, I know people may perceive me as quiet. It seems basic, but when I spell it out to myself like this, it forces me to continually try to add new points to the discussion. Before realizing this, I'd hang back and listen to everyone, and take everything in, but sometimes go ten minutes or more without uttering a word. Or I'd get lost in my head and get distracted by my own thoughts and daydreams. You can't do that. You have to talk more often than it feels like you do. Consciously knowing this helps you do it.
對我挺有效的一條是，在腦子里樹立一個明晰的條例，規(guī)定我必須至少每隔幾分鐘說幾句話，或者更多。如果沒做到，我明白人們就會覺得我沉悶。這看起來很初級，但當(dāng)我親口對自己這樣說，就能迫使我自己不斷地嘗試為當(dāng)前的討論加點料。在認(rèn)識到這一點之前，我畏縮不前，傾聽每個人的高談闊論，接納他們所說的一切，有時連續(xù)十分鐘（甚至更久）一言不發(fā)。或者，我在自己的腦海里迷了路，被我自己的思緒和浮想攪得心神不寧。你不能那樣。你要更頻繁地開口，而不是在思緒翩翩中自我感覺良好。有意識地明確這一點能幫助你開口。
When you're new to a group of people who all know each other, this rule especially applies. The onus is often on you to get yourself into their conversation. They may all be comfortable with each other, and benignly neglect to actively include you.
當(dāng)你走近彼此都已相識的一群人時，這條規(guī)律尤其適用。因為參與談話的義務(wù)通常在你。他們可能已然相處融洽，互感親切而忘記了對方的存在，但同時卻也忽視了你。
Don't filter yourself too much when trying to think of something to say
構(gòu)思說話內(nèi)容時，不要過度地自我審查
Often when I feel like I can't think of anything to say, there are actually lots of potential conversation topics passing through my mind. But instead of going with them, I nix them for one reason or another; "No, I can't say that. It's too boring.", "No, that's too out of the blue.", "Oh, I'm kind of nervous saying that, though I couldn't tell you why." Instead of censoring yourself too much, just spit out some of the ideas passing through your mind.
通常情況下，當(dāng)我覺得我實在想不出有什么可說，其實還是有很多潛在的'話題從我腦海中穿過。但是我并未開口，我出于這樣或那樣的原因把它們扼殺了。“不，我不能說這個。它太無聊了。”“不行，那太聳人聽聞。”，“哦，說這個我會有點緊張，不知道是為什么。”這樣的自我審查就太苛刻了，還是把你腦子里一閃而過的想法一吐為快吧。
Don't fret too much about saying generic things
不必?fù)?dān)心自己的話語平淡無奇
I've read a lot of advice telling me not to bore people with cliched, unoriginal conversation topics. This has sunk in so much that sometimes I'll find myself paralyzed in social situations. I'll meet someone new and not say anything to them because I think it's a huge faux pas to ask them something uninspired, like where they work.
我曾經(jīng)讀過很多建議，它們告訴我，不要拿味如雞肋，陳詞濫調(diào)的話題來讓人覺得無聊。這個說法滲入我內(nèi)心之深，以至于有時我發(fā)現(xiàn)自己在社交場合形同癱瘓。我會新認(rèn)識一些人，卻不打算和他們說點什么。因為我認(rèn)為，如果我說了什么讓他們覺得毫無觸動的東西，就是巨大的失禮，例如，詢問他們在哪里工作。
Just say this stuff anyways. Something is better than nothing. Often, dull questions like, "What do you do for fun?", or "Seen any good movies lately?" get the ball rolling. Soon enough you're talking about something more interesting. They can be a necessary evil, a reliable, if tiresome, fallback. When people ask me questions I've heard to answer a million times before, I'm not always crazy about it, but don't hold it against them either. Ideally you can avoid boring topics, but if you can't think of anything else to say, then go with them as opposed to be quiet.
就在一般意義上說說這件事吧。有，總是聊勝于無。通常，愚蠢的問題，如“你喜歡做什么?”，或“最近看過什么好電影?”就能引起話題。很快你們就會轉(zhuǎn)而談?wù)撘恍└腥さ臇|西了。愚蠢的話題不好，卻又缺之不可，就算很無聊，也是一種穩(wěn)定可靠的后備方案。當(dāng)人們問一個我已經(jīng)答了一百萬次的問題，我未必不覺得要發(fā)瘋，但是我也不會怪罪他們。在理想的情況下，你可以避免涉及無聊的話題，但是如果你想不出什么別的話來，那就用它們吧，以免冷場。
Take the lead in the conversation if it's not going your way
控制談話的方向，如果它偏離了你的軌道
Often I'll be quiet because the people I'm with are discussing something where I have zero to add, usually because I know nothing about the topic. If that goes on too long, then I'm suddenly the quiet one. If the conversation isn't going your way, try to take the lead and switch it to an area where you'll naturally have more to talk about.
經(jīng)常，我保持沉默是因為同處的人們正在討論我覺得無話可說的東西，這往往因為我對這個話題一無所知。如果這持續(xù)得太久了，我就突兀地成了沉悶的人。如果談話沒在你的軌道上，嘗試引導(dǎo)和切換到一個領(lǐng)域，你自然會有更多的話要說。
More generally, if the other people are talking among themselves, and aren't making an effort in include you, you should take the initiative and try to work your way in there. There's no rule that says you politely have to wait for someone to directly address you and ask your opinion on something.
更一般地，如果其他人在彼此說話，卻不打算把你包括在內(nèi)的時候，你應(yīng)該采取主動，努力把自己放進去。并沒有規(guī)定說，你必須禮貌地等待，直到有人來點你的名問你對某事的意見。
Sometimes you just can't come up with something to say
有時，你就是無話可說了
These tips continue to help me, but at times my mind draws a blank. When you can't think of something to say, it's often due to shyness and inhibition interfering with your ability to think freely, and reducing these feelings is easier said than done.
這些小貼士一直在幫助我，然而有時我的大腦仍舊會一片空白。當(dāng)你無話可說，它往往是由于羞澀和壓抑感干擾了你自由地思考，而避免這些情感說起來容易做起來難。
The other usual explanation is when you honestly have nothing to contribute to the conversation (e.g., everyone is talking about old friends they have in common), and it's not appropriate to try and suddenly change it. But here everyone should at least understand that you can't be expected to be too chatty. Try to say something though when the topic changes.
其他常見的解釋是：你確確實實拿不出能為談話作出貢獻的東西（例如，大家伙在談?wù)撍麄兯灿械睦吓笥眩�，而這時試圖突然岔開話題又是不合適的�？墒窃谶@種情況下，每一個人至少都明白，不能期望你有太多話可說。所以，一旦話題變化，就試著說些什么吧。
If you do come off as quiet, do better next time
如果你被人看成是沉默的人，下次做好些就行
It's not unusual for someone to be a little tongue-tied around a new group of people. If you do better next time, then people will often forget their first impression of you. They'll realize you aren't a snob after all, or that you aren't meek and boring, and that you're actually a pretty interesting person to have around.
在一群新認(rèn)識的人面前就好像被綁住了舌頭，這樣的事并不少見。如果你下次做得更好些，那么人們通常會忘記對你的第一印象。他們會知道你不是勢利小人，也不是索然無味之輩，事實上，你真的是個很有趣的人。
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